Today, on my birthday, I worked overtime because I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years. I got out of work and found a bunch of hate filled voicemails from my mom about missing my surprise party. She has never thrown me a party in my life; in fact I haven’t spoken to my mom in 7 months. FML
Today, my husband claimed that his brother is a changed man and that I'm the bitch for not forgetting. Said brother tortured me mentally and forced me into depression to the point of suicide multiple times. It took me four years to breathe normally after he moved out. Why am I married still? AITA? FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute Scottish guy from Tinder, who kept on referring to himself as "FROM THE NORTH" like he thought he was in Game of Thrones or something. I like the show too, but I sure didn’t appreciate being called a "SOFT SOUTHERNER" when I talked about being born in Plymouth. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
Today, I have a major crush on my coworker and I hate it because he's s gay and happily married to another man. FML
Today, I (Male, 37) realized how peaceful my life was without social media involved. Why did I not do this before, back when I was in high school at the age of 17 by saving myself the anger and stress of toxic social media users? Looks like I'll never get those 20 years of my life back. FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, I overheard my younger coworkers discussing my age. They said, “How old is she? Some days she looks like she's 35 and other days she looks like she's 58!” FML
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
Today, it’s like we’re living the dumbest most petty version of Romeo and Juliet ever. My daughter’s boyfriend’s father forced his son to break up with her because the dad and I dated for a year way back in high school. I left him for another guy and apparently he never got over it. FML
Today, my husband is convinced that he inherited a house in Florida and wants us to move there. I cannot convince him that it's clearly an internet scam. FML
Today, HR wants to see me about an email where my boss asks me to respect her body. My offense? I asked if she bought a new shirt during a web meeting with our small team. We've worked together for over 10 years. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today, I realized I've fallen for my best friend. Private conversations suggest she feels the same, but around others she dismisses love as "stupid". I don't want things to become awkward, but I feel like I should walk away instead of burying my feelings to maintain the friendship. FML
Today, I found my ex on Bumble for the second time. She lives with her husband, whom she married a decade ago. FML
Today, I was on a walk when I saw a man dump a bag of trash into the creek. Furious, I shouted at him, and when he shoved me, I threw him into the creek. Later, I was arrested and charged with battery. FML
Today, I picked up a 7lb stick vacuum like I do regularly, except this time it caused a disc in my spine to slip and pinch a nerve and now I can't walk right or sleep. FML
Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML
Today, I had much trouble backing an ultra modern VW moving van around a corner. Skill issue, you say? Well, yes: the car refused to let go of the brakes because there were a few blades of grass “blocking our way”. That mean-looking rock pile to the left, though, it trusted me to discover on my own. FML
Today. I checked my messages. No one has texted in three days and I have twelve friend contacts but it's Gmail. FML
Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML
Today, and for the last two weeks, I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML
Today, I used a men's hair removal cream to be smooth for my partner, as a surprise. It turns out that doing that made her think I was cheating on her. FML
Today, a creep messaged me on Discord, asking my brother to pinch my cheeks, and to send a photo of me pretending to sleep. FML
Today, my husband told me that he could not love me without sex. My love for him is utterly unconditional. My heart is just broken now. FML
Today, we got our daughter's birth certificate. Turns out my husband thought it would be funny to give her a middle name, which we never discussed, and he picked one to sound funny. Not actually going to tell the internet her name, but it’s as bad as calling a boy Ben Dover. I’m furious. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, my husband and I have been fighting because I gave our son his college fund, even though he got a full-ride scholarship. My husband didn't think it was necessary and wanted to use it for other things. FML
Today, it's the second night in a row when I thought, "I really need to catch up on my sleep deficit!" and instead had an even shittier night than the one before. My neighbours just started a party right under my window. FML
Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML
Today, I took a train to visit a friend and fell asleep for what felt like ten minutes. I woke up at the final stop with the carriage empty. The doors opened, I stepped onto the platform, and immediately realized I had no idea where I was or how I'd got there. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
