Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML
Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML
Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML
carla6991 tells us more.
I actually do play with him and am commissioner of the crew and am a bit of a gamer myself. However, I require a bit more than 2 hours of sleep and don't feel like playing during every bit of spare time I have. We had a talk about it last night though and he agreed to cut down when I'm home from work so we'll see!
Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML
emopoe tells us more.
emopoe 12
OP here. I can't live with a roommate, did that for 4 years and learned a lot about what happens when your roomie doesn't come up with their half of the rent, and lost way too many friends that way. It would be worse than what I'm dealing with now. Our apartment is already the cheapest in town, I don't have parents or friends to move in with. The bright side is, my boyfriend is NOT abusive. And to the nasty comments that say YDI for using him for money, I clearly stated we split the rent.
Today, I again failed to convince my girlfriend that the $100 in our account is the minimum amount we have keep there to avoid being charged by the bank. We have a joint checking account, and the only way to take her off it is to close the account outright. FML
BlindInTheDark tells us more.
Hey everyone, I see a lot of people in favor of the "close it outright" option, but of course I forgot to mention that in order to do so, we both have to go in and agree to close it. The only reason didn't do that ages ago is because I haven't come up with a way to convince her it's for the best, and since I DO plan to commit to her, I don't want to upset her.
Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML
Ixiion_fml tells us more.
Ixiion_fml 13
OP here. Just to clear something up: The shower head is new. It was put in two weeks before my leg ended up in a cast. So I hadn't bothered to fiddle with it before, thus why I didn't know that it had that option. And I've been whining about it for 4 months, and he just now decided to tell me. Ah, love my brother. And to someone who said to give him a break, I am. I just glared at him for 10 minutes before letting it go.
Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML
Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML
Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML
Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML
Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML
Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML
mattrd_fml tells us more.
mattrd_fml 31
OP here! First off, for all the people inquiring about what the costume is, it is a plush dinosaur that his legs go into and his upper half sticks out of it. You can see a picture of it if you search "dinosaur" at costume express. And the issue isnt that he loves the costume, in fact he hated putting it on at first. The issue is that he wants candy and he wants candy RIGHT NOW. Thanks for all the suggestions. But now that a day has gone by, the costume is in a closet and he seems to have forgotten all about it.
Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML
Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML
Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML
Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for six hours. FML
Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML
littlekellilee tells us more.
Thanks for the kind words towards my cat, she's feeling much better! The comments were all hilarious! I think he was just still feeling sensitive about the fight because he apologized shortly after and admitted to acting crazy. I think I'll probably keep him around, he's a pretty good guy usually and definitely hasn't done this before. I'll keep an eye out though. Thanks everyone!
Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML
Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML
Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML
Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML
Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML
WhyMe6495 tells us more.
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
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