Nearly FMLs

By whoopsie daisy - 03/02/2016 01:02 - United States - Orlando

Today, a friend of mine uploaded a before and after picture of herself. I commented saying how skinny she had gotten, only for her to point out that was the "before" picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Bloody YinYang - 03/02/2016 00:57 - United States - Mclean

Today, I went to meet the parents of a girl I've been bating for the past two months and realized that her mom was a hooker I had slept with a year earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 00:54 - United States - Ashburn

Today, the dermatologist prescribed me a pill for my acne. I dont know whats worse, the fact that it gives me constant diarrhea, or living with a face that looks like a volcano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By tinudaindian - 03/02/2016 00:51 - United States - North Bergen

Today, my teacher finally did a partner project and I got paired with my crush that I'm too afraid to talk to, so I thought this was the best chance. A random ass girl came up and asked to switch because she had a boy and she sees it more appropriate for me to be partners with him. I accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 1350ugh1350 - 03/02/2016 00:50 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was babysitting my friends brother who's blind. A woman called him out for staring at her boobs. He's 12. She went to security after he bumped into her and we were thrown out of the store. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By samthestud138511 - 03/02/2016 00:44 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, the girl I was seeing broke up with me over text. If that wasn't bad enough, her best friend broke up with one of my friends at the same exact time. Instead of being able to be sad about my relationship ending, I had to console my friend about how it was all gonna be okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PendingProdigy - 03/02/2016 00:29 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after two years of marriage, I finally came clean & told my wife that she's never been tight again ever since she had our son (who's 2&1/2). Expecting her to rage at me I told her it's fine and I still love having sex with her. She simply chuckles and says "I just thought you were small" FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By mustanggt - 03/02/2016 00:20 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I rang up cigarettes and a lighter and asked the customer if he wanted any more "coffin nails". He collapsed to his knees sobbing and neither my employees nor I could console him. His wife had just died from lung cancer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Grandma knows - 03/02/2016 00:13 - United States - Canton

Today, after a long day of school, I came home and went straight to the bathroom to rub one out. The porn must have been too loud because I didn't even know my grandma was in the house until I came out of the bathroom and saw her laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ilovemeat - 03/02/2016 00:09 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I was at the bar with some friends, talking to a beautiful girl I'd just met. She was telling me about her vegetarianism so I, wanting to seem cool, told her that I'd been a passionate vegetarian for 5 years. All while my half-eaten burger sat on the table in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By StarOfDoom - 02/02/2016 23:53 - United States - Sykesville

Today, I was interrupted reading a book by a knock on my door. It was the cops, claiming that I had stole multiple people's identities online and was under arrest for identity theft. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By trulypar - 02/02/2016 23:38 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a very realistic and happy dream about my son's father...when I woke up I was hit with the sad reality that he committed suicide three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By chubbycheeks - 02/02/2016 23:12 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend mistook my love handle for my asscheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By PingusTheDingus - 02/02/2016 23:12 - United States - Ringling

Today, over text, I told my girlfriend of 5 years I had a surprise for her, she responded with : "So Do I..." I sent her an early picture of a lot of Valentines Day candy. She sent me a picture of a positive pregnancy test. I would be super excited, if it weren't for the fact that I'm a virgin. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By not a rapist or a murderer - 02/02/2016 23:05 - United States - King George

Today, I was talking with a friend about Donald Trump. A woman then joined our conversation and told me that she supports Trump, even though he "tends to offend a lot of people". My conversation was about how my mom hates Trump due to his comments about Mexicans. This is because we are Mexican. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By helpless teenager - 02/02/2016 22:51 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, it was finally time for me to make my first big decisions as a person and choose the subjects that will determine my future. My mother decided it was a great time to force me into subjects that she wanted instead of thinking about my choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By SmaxJax - 02/02/2016 22:40 - United States - Houston

Today, after finally getting out of the ICU into a regular room (since I had spinal fusion not too long ago) I was crying from the pain, since the bed was different and didn't support me very well. My mom threw a towel at me, and told me to, "Shut up," right before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 22:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my parents gave me a 20 minute speech on how homosexuality is a grave sin. I was about to come out to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dexter_39476 - 02/02/2016 22:09 - Denmark

Today, my mother showed me her workplace for the first time. I had no idea she worked in a sex shop. I'm 16, and I've seen too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By rabid_otaku - 02/02/2016 21:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school's sociology class's homework was to give a high five or introduction to someone who looked shy, lonely, or friendless. Even though I'm not in that class, I know this because I received three high fives and eight scripted introductions today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By yourmomshotfirst - 02/02/2016 21:49 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was using the bathroom at school when I noticed a girl from my class crying by the sink. Concerned, I asked her what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help. She accused me of harassment and got me sent to the dean's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 20:52 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my classmate asked me if I could hand her my phone so she could play games on it. I, of course, said yes. Just to come home and realize she had put a password on it. We're free from tomorrow on. For 1 week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Lejuicyfruit - 02/02/2016 20:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had the best day ever with my grandma. We went shopping, watched some of our favorite movies, and went to our favorite restaurant for dinner. Then I woke up and remembered she passed away two months ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By I can't feel my toe... - 02/02/2016 20:47 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that if you have a hangnail on your pinky toe and pull your sock on hard enough, you feel like Lucifer himself stuck you with a pitchfork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By SammySprinklers - 02/02/2016 20:39 - United States - Irving

Today, while getting to know a coworker, he said he used to be a pastor. I asked why he stopped. With a serious but potentially satirical face he replied, "cause my wife decided to screw other guys, so we got a divorce." ...he wasn't joking. Last time this introvert tries to have a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Cinnamon_Daddy - 02/02/2016 20:37 - United States - Charlotte

Today,at school I had to give a presentation in my English class, which would have been fine if I hadn't suffered a massive panic arrack in front of the class. I don't know what's worse me crying or my teacher trying to give me a hug.FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By scoobses - 02/02/2016 20:29 - United States

Today, I learned that the woman I was dating for 6 months has a secret dom/sub relationship with her old mentor (she's the sub). Not sure if it's sexual or not. She used a BS excuse to leave a "Dear John" note on my porch when it became clear I was falling in love with her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sadSally1098 - 02/02/2016 20:28 - United States - Shawnee

Today, I was driving in my car with my crush and I really had to fart. My farts are usually silent so I let it rip. Not only was it loud, but it wasn't a fart it was diarrhea. My crush ended up asking me to pull over. He opened the door, started vomiting and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Concorn - 02/02/2016 20:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waiting for a class to start, somebody in my class tackled another person. The teacher wasn't there, so she asked who did it. Somebody got "confused" and said it was me that did it. I'm now on a week-long suspension. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By heygirlhey - 02/02/2016 20:25 - United States - Savannah

Today, I got a appointment with my absolute favorite tattoo artist who, if you cancel or miss a session, wont let you get another indefinitely. Guess who also just got a job interview on that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my girlfriend is at work, leaving me with her needy son again. If I don't play with him, he cries and throws a fit. If I don't clean the house, she will cry and throw a fit when she gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 295

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 514

You deserved it 4 796

Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 177

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 150

You deserved it 4 719

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 067

You deserved it 128 138

Today, I found out my boyfriend added his ex on Facebook and Instagram, all within a few days. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 172