Nearly FMLs

By Zacholicious - 02/02/2016 16:01 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was getting with a girl for the first time in 6 months. When things started getting funky, I couldn't get it up. She ended up leaving and won't return my calls. FML.

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 15:55 - United States - Ocala

Today, I'm secluded in a room at the courthouse, because I don't want to see my soon to be ex or his mother or his freak of a midlife crisis girlfriend. On the way here I drank a coffee, a water and a mountain dew. I have to pee really bad and can't go to restroom without walking right by them. FML.

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By TransTrapped - 02/02/2016 15:53 - United States - Findlay

Today, I told someone that used to be my best friend that I'm trans. She called me a freak and told me to go kill myself. I told her that I've already tried, because I'd rather be dead than forced to keep living as something I"m not. Obviously I have failed at that. FML

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 15:46 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my mother went on a rant at 7AM about how she was "so disappointed in me". Her reason behind this was that I had forgotten to vacuum part of the house. FML

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By TransTrapped - 02/02/2016 15:42 - United States - Findlay

Today, I realized, that I am in a relationship with someone that I am not happy with, at all. But I can't leave, because she's pregnant, and the father of her two other kids is a worthless pos who can't stay out of jail. FML

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By Natasha - 02/02/2016 15:29 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my dad is away for 3 days so I was able to park my car in the drive instead of on the street. Then when I woke up this morning the wind had blown a branch from our neighbors tree onto the roof of my car, crushing it and shattering the windscreen, back window and all 4 side windows. FML

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By bullseye - 02/02/2016 15:08 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had stopped for a piss in a field quite near some houses. As I'm pissing a tennis ball flies out of someone's garden and hit me square on the bellend like a cock seeking missile. When I could breathe again I returned the ball only to then be shouted at for getting piss on it. FML

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By Vali - 02/02/2016 15:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today I learned that my colleagues thought I'm an alcoholic because I drink water every morning out of a bottle that looks like a beer bottle (dark green glass). FML

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By sanuxo_ - 02/02/2016 14:48 - United States - Arlington

Today, I found out the guy I have a crush on has a crush on me back. That would be great if he wasn't my overprotective and angry brothers best friend, FML.

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By dodge71 - 02/02/2016 14:43 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my class was taking notes while I was taking a nap. It was a short nap because I farted my self awake in the dead silent classroom. FML.

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By way too tired - 02/02/2016 14:10 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out the paper I stayed up till 2 am in the morning finishing was supposed to be hand written. FML

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By Offtoagoodstart - 02/02/2016 14:07 - Germany - Munich

Today, I received an email inviting me to a job interview. Since it's a great job I was really excited and replied immediately. After I hit send I realized I'd misspelled the Interviewers name. FML

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By ApparentlyNotEno - 02/02/2016 14:04 - United States

Today, my cheating cunt of an ex-fiancée is happily married with a child, while I am slowly digging out of €200,000 in debt and the foreclosure she caused. All while I'm so damaged from her infidelity, I can't even consider trusting another woman. FML.

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 13:49 - United States - Richmond

Today I finally decided to tell my mother that I'm an atheist. When I brought up the subject of atheism she started talking about gow evil atheists are and that she divorced my father because he was one. FML

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By elsie9900 - 02/02/2016 13:38 - United States - Memphis

Today, I got locked out of my house and had to crawl through my bedroom window to get it. appearently someone saw me and got the wrong idea because 10 minutes later the police showed up and busted my door down. FML

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By clockwerk1005 - 02/02/2016 13:20 - United States - Sturbridge

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I forgot to wish her parents a happy anniversary. FML

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 13:19 - United States

Today, I had a test that I had studied hours for. At the stop light before my school someone rear ended me and I missed my test. FML.

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By beaboo - 02/02/2016 13:16 - Australia - Camp Hill

Today,my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me, via a 3 second snapchat of him with another girl... I thought being broken up with over text was bad. FML

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By Korentai - 02/02/2016 13:11 - United States - Katy

Today, I had sex with an amazing person I met. It was a great time, until I woke up in the morning next to her. I then got outa of bed to get dressed, when she told me that I should leave and never come back because "My dick shrunk". She clearly doesn't understand the concept of boners. FML.

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By suosi - 02/02/2016 12:57 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I realized this year's Valentine's Day fell on a sunday. Great, I thought, since I developed the habit of taking Valentine's Day off, at times risking my job. I remained quite cheerful until I reaized my relationship's gone. FML.

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By FatAndUnfunny - 02/02/2016 12:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I said a self deprecating joke while with all of the family. Instead of laughing, everybody agreed that I "let the family down more times than they've had hot dinners." My little brother then said how I've had too many hot dinners. Everybody found it hilarious. FML

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By Send help - 02/02/2016 12:53 - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I found a tick in a very sensitive spot below the belt. FML

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By SavyAngel94 - 02/02/2016 12:09 - United States

Today, for the 6th time, after waking up at 4:30am to get my boyfriend ready and to work at 6 he gets back in the car and says he works at 7. I was planning on sleeping until I have to get ready for work. He doesn't understand why I'm grumpy every morning. He thinks it's funny. FML

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By Short Guy - 02/02/2016 11:49 - United States - Boston

Today, I was turned down by my crush for being "too short." Keep in mind, she is only 4'10". I am 6 feet tall.

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By RabbitOfAurora - 02/02/2016 11:32 - Australia - Springvale South

Today, is my second day back at the gym after a three month break due to an old back injury flaring up. Today, that very same injury decided to flare up again. FML.

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By Hsnbntbdlkrm - 02/02/2016 11:30 - Singapore

For the past week, my nausea has been out of control. My mother is more than convinced that I am pregnant. I've not gotten laid for over 6 months. FML

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By bro - 02/02/2016 11:30 - United States - San Diego

Today I found out my uncle Paul is also my dad. FML

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By anonymous - 02/02/2016 08:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, i found out that i have to have heart surgery due to my Wolff-parkinson-white syndrom. I'm already broke and in debt as it is. FML

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By misinformed - 02/02/2016 08:29 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I finally professed my love for the girl of my dreams. Despite all of her friends informing me she liked me back, her reply was a stern "Ehh, no." FML

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By dontknowusername - 02/02/2016 08:24 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, we walked to my friend's house. Her parents don't like me so the people I was with made me wait outside while they went in and got food for a half hour. Meanwhile I was sitting in 10 degree weather with a dead rat. FML

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The Top

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 334

You deserved it 3 539

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 884

You deserved it 2 725

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 1 273

Today, I sliced my finger open on a blender while removing a sticker that said, “Sharp blade, remove carefully”. I wouldn’t have gone near the blade if it weren’t for the stupid warning sticker that needed to be removed to use it. FML

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You deserved it 224

Today, I ordered and paid for a compost bin to be emptied in addition to the garbage. Turns out most of what I wanted to put in there – although perfectly compostable – is not allowed in the bin. FML

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You deserved it 181

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 636

You deserved it 30 776