FML : Miscellaneous, Your everyday life stories

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

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You deserved it

By "Kaluhaluha" - / Friday 14 December 2018 17:30 /

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 03:00 /

Today is my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed lysol in the bathroom after he crapped. FML

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You deserved it

By Birthday blues - / Thursday 13 December 2018 22:00 /

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Murphy’s Christmas - / Thursday 13 December 2018 13:30 /

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Idk - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 08:00 / United States - Wilton

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

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You deserved it

By It burns down there - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 17:30 /

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

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You deserved it

By Going to work naked tomorrow - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

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You deserved it

By ouch. - / Monday 10 December 2018 09:30 / United States - Stamford

Today, I was playing card games with some colleagues a won a hand. One mate said jokingly "your mother never loved you!", I replied jokingly "at least your mother loved me"... All of a sudden he punched in the face and said, "don't ever disrespect my mother again". FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 8 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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You deserved it

By - / Friday 7 December 2018 16:00 / United States - Zephyrhills

Today, stopping at a rest plaza, the cashier at Wendy’s asked my best friend if I was her mom. We are only two years apart. FML

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You deserved it

By doilookold - / Friday 7 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, I decided to try an online therapy site seeing as I have been feeling very lonely and don’t have any friends to talk to about my issues. After filling out all the initial forms, the site told me there was no one available to speak to me. FML

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You deserved it

By Spencer - / Thursday 6 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

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You deserved it

By Crystal Crackles - / Thursday 6 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, my husband threw away the cast iron skillet my family has cooked with for generations because it had some specks of rust that were perfectly fixable. My 5th great-grandfather had that skillet in 1890 when he was a chuck wagon driver for the cowboys during their cattle drives. FML

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You deserved it

By family heirloom gone - / Saturday 17 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:30 /

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

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You deserved it

By twofade - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 23:00 / United States

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

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You deserved it

By Millar - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 00:30 / Australia - Carlton North

Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

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You deserved it

By Aries_gurl - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 08:00 / United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

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You deserved it

By Useless Key - / Sunday 2 September 2018 18:30 /

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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You deserved it

By mastermind - / Wednesday 22 August 2018 23:30 /

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

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You deserved it

By Matti - / Friday 17 August 2018 22:00 /

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

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You deserved it

By Lostring - / Monday 2 July 2018 20:30 /

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

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You deserved it

By eggonmiface - / Sunday 1 July 2018 15:00 /

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

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You deserved it

By ElleSavage - / Saturday 26 May 2018 01:30 /

#priceless

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

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You deserved it

By Clorpy - / Friday 30 March 2018 07:00 /

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

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You deserved it

By mislabelled mother - / Saturday 24 March 2018 01:30 /

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

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You deserved it

By PeedMom - / Friday 16 March 2018 09:00 / United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I finally met my long-term partner's mother, which I'd been nervous about for some time. Whilst using her bathroom I managed to knock over a large, ornate mirror and it chopped her toilet in half. FML

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You deserved it

CaptainShalliwaffle Say more :

Op here: Nope, it didn't smash the toilet, it literally cut it right down the middle and got stuck there. It was just this huge, metal edged mirror balanced against the wall by the toilet and I nudged it over. Did pay for the repair but it took weeks as the plumber messed up the job. She had to use her neighbour's bathroom for over a fortnight.

By OhCrap - / Friday 2 March 2018 09:56 /

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