Nearly FMLs

By lovely - 03/02/2016 05:19 - United States - Colville

Today, my boyfriends dad decided to back hand my butt cheek and then proceed to laugh about it like he enjoyed it. FML

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By steve - 03/02/2016 05:16 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my boss asked me for a hand making food. I went over and made food for my ex that cheated on me. She proceeds to tell the waitress it isn't right and makes me remake it 3 times even though I'm one of the best cooks there. I got fired... FML

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By a kidnapper apparently - 03/02/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, the toddler I babysit fell and gave himself a black eye on the playground. The police officer walking down the sidewalk the opposite way on the way home did not beleive this, nor that the red-haired blue-eyed child does not belong to the black 15 year old.FML

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By cheeeksss - 03/02/2016 05:07 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was catching an elevator from the 2nd to the 5th floor. A guy gets on with me, frowns, and says "why is there a 2 button if we are already on the 2nd floor?" I had to explain. He still didn't get it. FML

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By chighy - 03/02/2016 05:05 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that when I made eye contact with someone, while walking to my next class, I quickly blurted out, "sorry!" And rushed away panicking. FML

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By catsmack - 03/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Sherwood

Today my boyfriend and i were cuddling with my cat in my lap. He decided to tease the cat a bit and she tried to bite him, causing him to recoil and smack me in the face. FML

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By unfortunatestudent - 03/02/2016 04:40 - United States - Oreland

Today, I learned that my classmate, who got a 98 on his book report essay, barely read his book. I read my book and got a 75 on the same essay. My book was 400 pages long. FML

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By 82haras - 03/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I had a panic attack on the curb while checking the mail. I've always been very self conscience and I remembered I have to swim in gym class tomorrow. After months of looking for a bathing suit I'd feel comfortable in, it didn't come in time and now I have to use one from 2 years ago. FML.

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By Emily - 03/02/2016 04:21 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, My first day working at Starbucks my very first order I got was a very complicated order: Venti, Half Sweet, 2 shots of expresso, Non-Fat, soy milk, Caramel Macchiato at 120°F. I asked them to repeat that and they called my manager and demanded I was fired for causing them a disconvince FML

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By Trama1201 - 03/02/2016 04:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walk up to the counter and the librarian turns to me and says "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

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By mercy1638 - 03/02/2016 04:20 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, my mother in law told me that my husband would be nicer and care more about me if I lost weight. I called to talk to her about how he has been treating me lately. I have lost over 30 pounds in the past three months and am suffering from an eating disorder. FML

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By red_owl - 03/02/2016 04:04 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I realized that it's not normal to go blind for ten seconds every time you stand up. I came to this realization when I walked straight into a wall on my way to the bathroom. I was in class, 30 other students and my teacher watched me do this. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 04:02 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was in the restroom at work with my boss, who used the restroom and left without washing her hands. I share an office, desk, supplies and lunchroom with this woman. FML

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By Lime23 - 03/02/2016 03:56 - United States

Today, my dog drank out of the toilet bowl. How did I find this out? My mom told me while my dog was licking my face. FML

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By FrustratedinLove - 03/02/2016 03:53 - United States - Westminster

Today, while hanging out with fiancé he decides to tell me he wants to have sex with my best friend. And if I don't let him, I don't love him enough. She is my maid of honor, and is consenting to him sleeping with her as long as I say it's okay. FML

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By Dswank620 - 03/02/2016 03:27 - United States - Tallmadge

Today, I got home from work hoping to finish typing my paper for class, only to find my rabbit escaped her cage, chewed through my mouse, keyboard, and wireless adapter cords and it's too late to go to the library, Fml.

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By anonymous - 03/02/2016 03:15 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I was walking into Walmart but it was too bright to see in front of me but I didn't realize that until I ran into a ladder. With my forehead. Everyone saw. FML

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By anon - 03/02/2016 03:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend and I tried oral sex for the first time. On my turn, I did a great job and he told me it was the best orgasm he's ever had. When it came to my turn, however, he couldn't do it because the feeling in his mouth made him gag. My my how the tables turn. FML

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By anonymous - 03/02/2016 03:09 - United States - Woodstock

Today, it has been 2 weeks since I last heard from my girlfriend. I don't know if I did something wrong or what, but she won't talk to me. FML.

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By not fat - 03/02/2016 03:01 - United States

Today, my mom told my I was too fat to fit into her old wedding dress. I'm a size 2. FML

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By mamap0705 - 03/02/2016 03:01 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I didn't close the lid tight enough on my water bottle when I put it in my purse and about half the bottle spilled out. It's ok though, my wallet was still wet from doing the same damn thing yesterday in my other purse. FML

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By technotard - 03/02/2016 02:51 - United States - Miami

Today, I had a minor virus on my computer. The number I called to fix it turned out to be a scam that infected my computer with another virus 10 times as bad.

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By accidentalabuse - 03/02/2016 02:21 - United States - Berrien Springs

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend pleasuring herself quietly beside me. I asked why she hadn't included me, and she said she had tried. Apparently she tried to wake me with morning sex, but I rolled over, shouted, and elbowed her in the face. I gave her a black eye. FML

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By anonymous - 03/02/2016 02:16 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I woke up and someone was standing over me, but as I was half asleep they managed to soothe me and I fell asleep again. Then in my dream I kinda realised I live alone and woke myself the fuck up to find my jewellery, TV and car missing. I think that decking sneaky burglar hypnotised me FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 01:53 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was in class and my teacher told us that he was going to pair us up with people for a project. He paired me with my crush, and she looked at me, sighed, and said "Why him? He's so annoying!" FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 01:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my cousin congratulated me on finally growing a mustache. I would thank him if I were a boy. FML

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By anonymous - 03/02/2016 01:31 - United States - Vancouver

Today, instead of going to our wedding, my fiancé thought it would be more worth his time to go to the movies with his buddies instead. FML

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By Why, GOD? - 03/02/2016 01:10 - United States - Basile

Today, for the first time I finally met a boy who was local and not distant. He was really nice and kind and we happen to get along greatly. Even exchange numbers. Though, later we found out his brother lives on my road. Aka, the bulldog/chicken fighter that everyone hates. FML.

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By dusk61 - 03/02/2016 01:07 - United States - North Adams

Today, my stalker of an ex decided to "surprise" me by tapping on my window in the middle of the night. I moved to a new town and blocked him on everything 2 months after he left me which was 12 years ago and I'm now engaged. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that blood thinning is a side effect of my meds...I took the driving test and had a nosebleed 10 min in. I lost over a pint of blood all over the car, ran a red light trying to pull over, someone called the cops because of all the blood, and I needed a transfusion. FML.

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The Top

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 433

You deserved it 2 907

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 715

You deserved it 12 221

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 345

You deserved it 3 438

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 274

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 799

You deserved it 293

Today, my work informed me that they didn't process my pay in time, so I won't get paid until the end of next month. I have less than £10 to last me until then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 287

You deserved it 309