Nearly FMLs

By gam3bust3r - 02/02/2016 08:05 - United States - Sylmar

Today, my girlfriend asked me to tell her a "sex story before bed." All was going smoothly...untill I realized I was talking to myself for 10 minutes because she fell asleep. FML

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By screwedstudent - 02/02/2016 06:32 - United States - Los Altos

Today, I was catching up on my math homework and studying for my math test by doing problems over again. I am sitting in my pajamas crying because I am getting every problem wrong. The test is first thing tomorrow morning. FML.

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By anonymous - 02/02/2016 06:32 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, my oldest sister told our family she's pregnant and then she had to tell my other sister who is a perfectionist she is going to be 6 months preggo for her wedding. This would be funny except i just found out I'm also pregnant FML

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By SlapsKnee - 02/02/2016 06:30 - Australia - Hoppers Crossing

Today, I was thinking of coming out to my family. That was until I remembered my grandparents are SUPER religious and my Aunties are kinda homophobic. I've told my mum but she said not to tell my dad because he won't be able to "handle it". My sister is 9 and more understanding. FML

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By anonymousk - 02/02/2016 06:21 - United States - Flushing

Today, at work my boss asked me to do the work of 3 coworkers on top of mine. His excuse "we were out celebrating the big client we got, and now we're all hungover". I got us that client but wasn't invited to the celebration. FML

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By cookiecutter8 - 02/02/2016 06:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after having three classes discussing cells I had a dream about cell division during my nap. This is going to be a long semester. FML

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By shannonbun - 02/02/2016 05:39 - United States - Woodbridge

Today,I was walking around my pool to clean up my siblings pool toys and all of a sudden my dad walks up to me and throws me into the pool with my phone in my pocket.... When I got out and tried to turn on my phone I found out it was broken so I told my dad and he grounded me for breaking it... FML

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By ReiracsNeve - 02/02/2016 05:37 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to my grandma's house to visit. She's an elderly woman, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. She told me to take the dog out, so I did, but one thing she didn't tell me is that her dog loves to take explosive shits everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 391

You deserved it 1 589

By bloodyear - 02/02/2016 05:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, my cold got so bad, and I blew my nose so hard, I broke my eardrum. Now I can barely breathe or hear. FML

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By mikki_arlert - 02/02/2016 05:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to endure a riveting conversation that involved the accidental squashing of the nut sack when sitting on the toilet. I'm a girl. FML

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By rollon11 - 02/02/2016 05:32 - United States - Malden

Today, My friends convinced me to run distance with them on the track after we were lifting weights. I had a pretty heavy bar but I told them I would even though my legs were shot. Didn't take long before one of legs gave out and I fell and broke my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, after working my ass off for 3 years to buy myself my dream car. I was t-boned exiting the dealership. The car was totaled. FML

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By shadowknight852 - 02/02/2016 05:19 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I found out which one of me and my so called siblings my mom cares about the most and I'm a only child and my competition is one not so bright dog. FML

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By GreenShoes - 02/02/2016 05:09 - United States

Today, my husband realized tickling a 8 and a half month pregnant woman awake may end up with a pew soaked couch. My sister-in-law keeps glaring at me thinking I "allowed" it. FML

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By arrouz - 02/02/2016 04:58 - United States - El Segundo

Today, my 7th grade sister complained to me excessively about how the 6th grade kids who sit behind her are always talking about the sizes of their penises and comparing. FML

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By jkp1291 - 02/02/2016 04:56 - United States - Orlando

Today, the professor I have a huge crush on came to my desk to ask if I needed help. I told her I didn't need any and then got so flustered I thanked her as if she was a waitress who just took my order. FML

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By anonymous - 02/02/2016 04:52 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, it's been about 2 months since I broke up with my girlfriend. We dated for 6 months and during that time she befriended all of my friends. Currently, she keeps hanging out with my friends, and now brings her boyfriend who hasn't been friends with any of us beforehand.FML

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By RomanceFail - 02/02/2016 04:41 - Australia - Perth

Today, I asked my crush of three years out on a date. She looked at me, shook her head, gave me a soul eating smile, then mass texted "Whoa, this ugly as fuck freak just asked me out..." FML

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By TrevXII - 02/02/2016 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I put on one of my socks just to feel something hard. I took my sock of and investigated it, just to find a dead stink bug. FML.

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By anonymous - 02/02/2016 04:27 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today,I arrived at work 30 minutes early so I thought I can take a nap in my car, i woke up 6 hours later.FML

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By FireSpiker - 02/02/2016 04:24 - United States - Dearborn

Today,I tried out for the Volleyball team.I've been saving up for 3 years to have enough money to pay for the equipment needed. After tryouts, the coach informed me I made the team followed by news that my house is on fire. My money is at home. There goes all my $500 worth volleyball equipment. FML

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By Naisha_D - 02/02/2016 04:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I visited a close friend's house which I haven't been to in months. Turns out she got three new animals, all which I am allergic to. FML.

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By Schnousimeyer - 02/02/2016 04:16

Today, I was walking to school at 5:00 a.m. while it was still dark out, I saw a small dog running across the pathway into the forest and decided to grab it and find its owner. It wasn't a dog, it was an armadillo, I had to get shots for 6 different diseases. FML.

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By phalange33 - 02/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found out I'm invited to a party. That would be great if it wasnt the birthday of a women I dated a few months ago, fell head over heals for, and then was rejected by when she decided to go back to her ex. Oh, and it'll be at their house. Lovely. FML.

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By SmaxJax - 02/02/2016 04:09 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my mom told me that my mental health is priority, more important than anything else. Trusting her, I told her about a horrible meltdown I had the night before. She immediately responded, "Why? That's not important, get over it." Thanks, mom. FML

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By elsie9900 - 02/02/2016 03:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today,was my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend. I lived with him and decided to suprise him with a cruise to the Bahamas. I set the tickets out on the counter before work so he'd see them. When i got home early i found my naked best friend and boyfriend making out and holding my tickets. FML.

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By Fartsy - 02/02/2016 03:23 - United States - Etters

Today, I slept at my boyfriends house for the first time. I learned that he sleeps with his head under the covers. He learned that I have bad gas in my sleep. FML

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By elsie9900 - 02/02/2016 03:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I called in sick from work after spending all day yesterday in the hospital with the flu. This morning my boss called me asking me to pick up my paycheck where upon my arrival he fired me for "not looking sick". FML

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By sheilandthegirls - 02/02/2016 03:11 - United States - Greenfield

Today, while out with my 3 y/o, I managed to hit her in the face with an infant carseat giving her a bloody, swollen lip. I brought her to see her dad for cheering up. He was pulling her in a wagon when it tipped back on asphalt giving her a large, profusely bleeding gash on the back of head FML

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 02:44 - United States

Today, my cat knocked the urn of my fireplace. She tracked my father all over the house. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 586

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 631

You deserved it 5 233

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 639

You deserved it 46 253

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 945

You deserved it 4 080

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 202

You deserved it 76 878

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 418

You deserved it 1 360