Nearly FMLs

By I hate my life - 02/02/2016 02:44 - Australia - Golden Grove

Today, I realised that my hatred of everything about myself and my life started after a single moment at school. While walking through a workshop in class a popular student came up to me with an electric sander. He held it up to my face and asked me if I want him to sand away my all my pimples. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 02:36 - United States - Corona

Today, my first love who disappeared off the face of the plannet texted me she lives in another country, got married, is pregnant and wants me back. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 02:18 - United States - Bethesda

My roommate confided in me that she is bisexual. She was so happy to have a female to confide in that wouldn't judge or take advantage of the situation. She doesn't know I'm EXTREMELY attracted to her and that I've never told anyone I like girls......Fml

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By awkward turtle - 02/02/2016 02:16 - United States - Medford

Today, after my yoga class on campus I went into the locker room to change into regular school clothes, as I have 3 classes right after morning yoga, & as I'm pulling out my clothes I realize I forgot my bra at home, and all I have to wear is a Cotten t-shirt, no jacket, and no time to run home. FML

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By rudolph except its my entire face - 02/02/2016 02:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my new acne scrub gave me a rash on my entire face. I have school tomorrow and nothing is helping, but at least my acne seems to be gone. FML

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By Church boy - 02/02/2016 02:05 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I caught my 50-year old parents trying to pull a quickie for the fourth time since yesterday, when I finally managed to drag them to church with me, only to end up hearing the priest say a sermon encouraging couples to "spice things up" to "express their eternal love for each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By leah_kascar - 02/02/2016 01:54 - United States

Today, I got a match on okcupid to my still married father. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 01:29 - United States - Louisville

Today, I fell asleep in class and missed the time to turn in my LA project that took 2 weeks to finish. I fell asleep because I stayed up so late trying to make it perfect. FML

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You deserved it 0

By twitterfan12 - 02/02/2016 01:19 - United States

Today, I was teaching my English class. I was assigning them their chapters to read for homework when I noticed a kid pointing at his book in the back. I yelled "I know its long, I've seen it", assuming he was talking about how many pages it was. Found out later, he was showing off a dick drawing.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 00:36 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend of 2 years over him sleeping with his ex. He then dumped me for "not considering his feelings and having an open mind". FML

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You deserved it 0

By shitheadgf - 02/02/2016 00:31 - United States - Sandown

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Right after, his mother told me his dog died. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 00:31 - United States - Shepherd

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old son wanking to a picture of Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By no friends - 02/02/2016 00:23 - Canada

Today, my dad told me I should get out more. Before I replied he said "oh wait you have no friends", and then highfived my mom. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By adultbaby - 02/02/2016 00:22

Today, I was speaking to my mother about important financial duties. I was told since I have a job, of course I have to pay for everything for myself (I'm 19). Afterwards, I cursed, and well; let's just say I suddenly became a child again according to my mother:"I'm the parent you're the child". FML

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By reddog66 - 02/02/2016 00:21 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I found out that my old teachers only kept my past work to use as of an example of what not to do. FML

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By palemoon - 02/02/2016 00:19 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I finally asked the boy I have been flirting with for two years if he wanted to go for a drink, hoping this would lead to my first relationship in four years. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By scoobysnarks - 02/02/2016 00:15 - United States - Wake Forest

Today, my wife and son and I went to a restaurant, where the waitress greeted us with "Hey, you brought your family!" My wife thinks that I've been going to Chili's without her and won't believe me when I point out that I wouldn't have had the chance because I make sure I'm always accountable. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Plot Twist - 02/02/2016 00:10 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, when I got home from school, there were a bunch of cars parked in front of my house. Since it was my birthday, I thought that maybe my family had planned a surprise party for me. As it turns out, my granddad had passed away and everyone was gathering at our house. FML

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By anon - 01/02/2016 23:51 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I heard a girl was being hired at my work to replace me. overwhelmed with anger I quit, only to find out I wasn't being fired. FML

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By nitemastr15 - 01/02/2016 23:45 - United States - Irving

Today, out of boredom, I make a Facebook page for my dog. He has more friend requests than I have actual friends. FML

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By jber10 - 01/02/2016 23:18 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my (ex) girlfriend dumped me for a guy who has slept with my mom, sister, and cousin. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 01/02/2016 23:08 - United States - Rockwood

Today, I found smeared blood on a book of mine. I live alone. FML

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By ChiefXander - 01/02/2016 23:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I had to tell a girl to stop staring at me. She asked me If I was Ok. I didn't know what she meant. She asked me what kind of trauma I went through. I was like "WTF?" She was like: "How'd your face get puffy?" I had to explain to her I was just fat. FML

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You deserved it 0

By SixthSinEnvy - 01/02/2016 22:41 - United States

Today, I learned that the phrase, "Don't push too hard or you may poop yourself" is only a half truth when it comes to being gassy. Sometimes, no effort is needed at all and you will have to spend your commute sitting in the lesson learned. FML

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By ktm1313 - 01/02/2016 22:38 - United States - Milford

Today, I was stuck behind a train. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to a police officer tapping on my window. FML

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By ratherbsleeping3 - 01/02/2016 22:30 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was fighting that nasty winter cough while reviewing schedules with my manager. I had just began to take a large swig of dr. Pepper and without warning I let out a huge cough, spraying my manager directly in the face with sticky liquid. FML

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By bella_nana347 - 01/02/2016 22:23 - United States - Forest Park

Today, my best friend and I are in a huge fight. She basically accused me of not caring when she was talking about her stupid crush. My dad's funeral was Sunday. Guess which topic she asked me about more... FML

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You deserved it 0

By it___happens - 01/02/2016 22:18 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I witnessed a homeless man sitting outside of Walmart, With another homeless man underneath a blanket. Normally this would be fine, except for the fact the second homeless man had his head in the first mans crotch giving him a blow job. FML

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You deserved it 0

By KuroTho - 01/02/2016 22:07 - United States - Cocoa

Today, this girl is really like just broke up with her boyfriend. I comforted her, then after a while of it I wanted to ask her out. Before the words came out my mouth she said, "Thanks but I won't date a skinny guy". FML

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By knitted all night, sorry not sorry - 01/02/2016 22:05 - United States - King George

Today, I'm so sleep deprived that I fell asleep and dreamed about the next time I would get to go to sleep. FML

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The Top

Today, while celebrating my 10 years home from Iraq, my brother told us about his new affiliation with Scientology. Apparently, all those roadside bombs I keep dreaming about are just alien ghosts that need to be purged. What's worse is how well it fuses with his new brand of politics: YouTube QAnon channels! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 146

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 929

You deserved it 2 678

Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 455

Today, my 9-year-old male cat has been trying to procreate with my 4-year-old female cat. Both are neutered, but every now and then, he randomly gets on top of her from behind, and bites her neck hard while she looks visibly uncomfortable. I've never heard of cats giving each other hickeys before. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 235

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 927

You deserved it 10 908

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 39 041