Nearly FMLs

By lovelysnow07 - 01/02/2016 22:05 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I went to go buy a coffee for my friend because it's her birthday. Turns out I'm broke again and she had to buy me coffee. FML

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By Tata - 01/02/2016 22:03 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I was at the vending machine to buy a drink for me. The first drink got stuck in the machine, so i bought another to make the first fall out with it. The second one got stuck. So did the third. I gave up after using five dollars. I came back and saw someone buy a drink. All four came out. FML

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By jeffcarp - 01/02/2016 22:02 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my wife didn't want sex because she just showered. Yesterday, she didn't want sex because she hadn't showered. Now, she stopped mid blow job and is refusing to carry on because 'it tastes clean, like your shower gel.' FML

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By Leauge - 01/02/2016 22:02 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I realized that the balloons I played with at the park as a child were in reality used condemns. FML

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By TEE - 01/02/2016 21:58 - United States - Smithville

Today, my friend wanted to fix me up with his uncle who is "perfect' for me. He's a cigarette smoking, racist, homophobic red neck, 15 years older than me. I'm a Buddhist, yoga doing vegetarian, Yea perfect...FML

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By CrisGurney - 01/02/2016 21:58 - United States - Bradenton

Today, after moving back to England to escape the southern American culture and to attend Uni, the first words I hear someone on campus utter are "hey y'all." FML

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By facewhat3214 - 01/02/2016 21:11 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was standing in line at the pharmacy when the elderly gentleman in front of me passed gas for about 10 seconds straight, and then proceeded to leave. He had no shame in it and now I'm standing in a cloud of toxic fumes. FML.

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By FallingApart - 01/02/2016 21:09 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today I made a doctor's appointment to get my wrist and jaw looked at. Over the the past two weeks I've managed to strain both of them. My jaw by eating lunch and my wrist by either being on the computer or using my iPhone too much. FML

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By Graham - 01/02/2016 20:57 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, at work I was hammering some nails when I missed the wood entirely and smacked myself in the balls. I woke up in hospital after the pain of rupturing my own testicle caused me to pass out and fall from a second story scaffold FML

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 20:55 - United Kingdom - Ripley

Today, I went out of my way to step on a particularly crunchy looking leaf. Turned out to be a dog turd. FML

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By lesabber - 01/02/2016 20:53 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text. Her reason? "Yolo. Life is too short for u." FML

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By Sunbun - 01/02/2016 20:43 - Australia - Kensington

Today, I was getting ready for work. Just got out of the shower & put on underwear all of a sudden i feel a sharp pinch on my ass cheek, it was a bee FML.

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By IWouldHaveMadeASpeech - 01/02/2016 20:35 - France - Malakoff

Today, I found out my big sister was going to get married. To my ex. Who cheated on me with her 2 weeks before our own wedding. I'm not even invited. FML

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You deserved it 0

By villafanmart - 01/02/2016 20:30

Today, my girlfriend dumped me, stating I'm never around, coming from the person who is jobless, lazy. and all she ever does is stay on her bed all day, and had never once come to meet me away from her house FML

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By bxilee - 01/02/2016 20:17 - United States - Alhambra

Today, after finally getting a job after months of searching, they called me today saying that it was a mistake and they hired the wrong person. FML

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By Tytonic - 01/02/2016 20:09 - United States - Quakertown

Today, my mom called the police on my doctor when she found out that he touched my genitals when I was 8 years old. It was a medical checkup to which she gave her consent and was in the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today as I was walking to my bedroom I heard my mother say very loudly to our neighbor that she should have smothered me at birth. This is after she said to my face that she wished i would just drop dead a few weeks ago (I was rushed into hospital later for an emergency iron transfusion) FML

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By max_432 - 01/02/2016 19:54 - United States - Norwalk

Today, while drunk at a party, I thought it was a good idea to kick a wall with a toothpick under my toenail.FML

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 19:28 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, my dad called me "selfish," "disrespectful," "inconsiderate," and "stupid," and cussed me out. All because I asked him not to drink my beer. FML

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By rejectionKing - 01/02/2016 19:08 - United States - Orem

Today, I spent a ton of time thinking of the most romantic way to ask my wife out for Valentine's. When I asked her she said that she already had other plans. She was serious. FML

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You deserved it 0

By womanoski - 01/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Evansville

Today, I went to the gynecologist. While closely inspecting my private parts, she asked me to "bear down like you're having a bowel movement." Being my compliant self, I obeyed resulting in a huge fart right in her face. FML

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By oats - 01/02/2016 18:58 - Canada - Kimberley

Today, I made some oatmeal for breakfast, over half way through eating it, I found a long black hair in it. I'm blonde and no one in my family has black hair. FML

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By BlueBomberXZ - 01/02/2016 18:54

Today, I told my parents after 3 years that I was gay, there first reaction? My dad slowly handed my mom 10 dollars. FML

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By anonymous - 01/02/2016 18:53 - United States - Macon

Today,my gf of 6 months broke up with me and I was devastated. She then told me she was confused and I took her back only for me to walk in the bedroom to see her in bed with another guy. FML

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By fucking idiot - 01/02/2016 18:48 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my boyfriend flew into a jealous rage, called me a cheating whore and dumped me all because he found a pic of me kissing his best friend. The picture was in an old photo album and was taken in the 8th grade. We're almost 30. Fml

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By no booty Judy - 01/02/2016 18:35 - United States - Washington

Today, I turned around to find my boyfriend nonchalantly twerking on the wall behind me, as if that wasn't bad enough, he's actually better than me . FML

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By missursee - 01/02/2016 18:28 - United Kingdom - Portadown

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come over since I'm sick, he proceeded to ignore my request to play a game and then when he finally replied it was to make a comment on the weather. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 18:26 - United Kingdom - Preston

I told my boyfriend I loved him, everyday for 4 months, he usually ignored my message. Today, I told him 'i love you' he replied "I love you more Jess, how's my little man doing?". My name is Eloise and I do not have a child.

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By nickemendez - 01/02/2016 18:07 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I was leaving my dorm on my brand new hoverboard. Campus security came over and told me they had to take it because they are no longer legal here. I said I would put it back in my dorm. They replied by tazzing me and taking the hoverboard. FML.

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By lucwheel987 - 01/02/2016 18:06 - South Africa

Today, I told my best friend of 4 years that I loved him. His reaction was to leave me there...we haven't spoken since. FML

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 346

You deserved it 5 555

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 108

Today, I became a grandmother. At 44 years-old. My son is 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 310

Today, I had a nightmare in which my abuser came back into my life… but with gothy makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 97

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 942

You deserved it 3 346

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

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You deserved it 40