Nearly FMLs

By ohnoohnoohno - 03/02/2016 11:25 - Netherlands - Leiden

Today, my long distance boyfriend asked me why I don't want to marry him for the millionth time. I'm 15 and he really doesn't get it. FML.

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By Ford_Guy_5_0 - 03/02/2016 11:20 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my fiancée of 4.5 years called me and told me that she wasn't in love me anymore and hadn't for months. This was only exacerbated by the fact that I just talked to our realtor today about looking for our first house and Valentines day being in less than 2 weeks. FML

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By anon - 03/02/2016 11:00

Today, I have been getting funny looks from people. It seems that in the rush of getting ready this morning I managed to forget one eye of mascara. It looks VERY strange.

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By Breadman - 03/02/2016 10:41 - Ireland - Swords

Today, I got attacked by a flock of birds when my friends hid pieces I'd bread in my hoodie. FML

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By needmechanic - 03/02/2016 10:34 - Australia - Bathurst

Today, I got my car back from the mechanic. Later on, my sister forgot I had parked behind her, and reversed straight into my car. FML

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By WittyMoron - 03/02/2016 09:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I have a stye under my right eye causing it to droop significantly. My friend came over, told me I looked like a Picasso, and hasn't shut up about it since. FML

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By deservesbetter1 - 03/02/2016 09:51 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, after years of emotional abuse and rejection, I finally had the courage to tell my boyfriend I loved him. He said he loved me too, and we made love. Less than two hours later while laying next to me in bed, I awoke to see him looking at other naked women on his tablet. FML

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By SK8WITME - 03/02/2016 09:36 - India

Today, our professor asked us to dictate him a question from the math textbook so he could solve it on the board. I volunteered, stood up, and told him the question. It was after 15 minutes of not being able to reach the answer that we found out I made a mistake while narrating the equation. FML

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You deserved it 0

By fucklove - 03/02/2016 09:31 - United States - Conway

Today, my wife texted me at work that she wanted a divorce. FML

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You deserved it 0

By hoffman136 - 03/02/2016 08:11 - Canada - Saint Thomas

Today, the police showed up at my door saying that a call to 911 came from a number with my name on the account. I assured them that I've only one cell and one number, and that I didn't make said call to 911. Now the question is, who the hell has a phone in my name?!? FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 08:07 - United States - Miami

Today, I learned that you can be allergic to fabric softener. It's 3 in the morning and my boyfriend and I have to be up for work soon but we can't fall asleep because our eyes are burning, skin is itching, and hearts racing. FML

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You deserved it 0

By uhmhaicats - 03/02/2016 07:39 - United States

Today, I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw this girl post, "good night!" and I decided I was going to finally crawl out of my shell and comment on it and said, "good night." Turns out she meant she had a good night. And multiple people called me out on it. So much for socializing. Fml.

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 07:21 - United States - Rowlett

Today, while having sex my boyfriends dog started humping my arm. I laughed too hard to finish. FML

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By brandt92 - 03/02/2016 06:50 - United States - Greensboro

Today this business that has been open for years decided to close their doors...one month after I had just been hired. FML.

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By extra crunchy - 03/02/2016 06:48 - United States - Modesto

Today, I poured myself a bowl of cereal and was halfway done before I realized it was infested with ants. I've had the same cereal for the last 2 days. FML

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By jber10 - 03/02/2016 06:44 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I laughed when my girlfriend told me that her parents want Donald Trump to win. She was serious. FML

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By Highly Confused Man - 03/02/2016 06:24 - United States - Sacramento

Today, 3 weeks ago my wife tells me she wants a divorce. She said lets talk to other people now so I said sure. Found a great girl who doesn't care about all the drama I'm going through that I really like. My soon to be ex asks me about her, starts bawling, and says she can't believe I did this, FML

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By No Drugs Here - 03/02/2016 06:16 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my doctor dropped me as a patient. I am on narcotics and have blood tests every 3 months to show I'm using the meds correctly. For some reason, the test results were screwed up this time. That's right...I was let go for being a Non-Drug User. FML

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By SitnJerk - 03/02/2016 06:11 - Ukraine

Today, my stepmother found out that the chair I keep next to the washing machine, is to sit while jerking off. She found out when she walked in on me, choking the chicken, on the chair. FML

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You deserved it 1

By Grell574 - 03/02/2016 06:09 - United States - Miami

Today, I walked in on my son masturbating, into my panties. FML

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By BoyWhoCried - 03/02/2016 06:08 - United States - Allentown

Today, I decided to play basketball with friends for the first time in two months after having surgery on my nose to be able to breath out of my left nostril again. Of course I drove to the basket hard and got whacked in the face. Nose is crooked and I can't breath out the right side now. FML.

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By thejordan52x - 03/02/2016 05:52 - United States - Boise

Today, I walked in on my cat vomiting directly into my dogs open mouth. it was easily the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 05:43 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today I was interrogated by some scumbag coke head former acquaintance because he believes that I ratted him out for dealing a year before I even knew of his existence. FML

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By Moving On - 03/02/2016 05:38 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I admitted to myself that I am in love with a man who I met while playing an online game, despite him telling me that he has a fiance. It has been two weeks since we last spoke, and I know that it's time to stop hoping that my life will turn out like a cheesy chick flick. FML.

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By fired35 - 03/02/2016 05:34 - United States - Vacaville

I let my ex move back in temporarily so she wouldn't move my kids away. Now I'm paying her alimony and child support to live in my house and eat all my food... FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 05:31 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I went to pick up my fleshlight and noticed it smelled like rat poison. My girlfriend was so jealous of it that she used poison in my flat without telling me. Wonder how long I've been breathing that in even. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ExTrauma - 03/02/2016 05:29 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while working at a call center, I accidentally called my ex boyfriend. He said hello, I heard his voice, panicked and couldn't say the intro I'm supposed to read. I got a bad review. FML.

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 05:25 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, a huge ass spider just crawled on my shoulder while I was shitting and that was the most intense shit I've ever had. FML

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By imeancmon - 03/02/2016 05:23 - United States - Seattle

Yesterday, I made out with my girlfriend for the first time. Only then did I realize that she's a horrible kisser. She kept biting my tongue and thirty seconds after we started she drew blood. She now feels terrible. FML

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By SandiBobby - 03/02/2016 05:23 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and said "bitches come and go" and as I got up to leave he then said "but bitch I'm here to stay" and thought he was actually being romantic. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 812

You deserved it 71 760

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 5 959

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 742

You deserved it 12 051

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 222

You deserved it 3 014

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 1 532

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 070

You deserved it 3 776