Nearly FMLs

By 33kameron33 - 03/02/2016 22:50 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I got grounded. Why? Because my grades are bad. I have all A's and I take advanced classes. FML

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By GeeLoftus - 03/02/2016 22:45 - United States - Howell

Today, I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. I always used to talk to my friend Josh about how much I loved him, etc. I got home today and heard loud noises from my room. Turns out my (ex)boyfriend, Josh, and my 50 year old neighbor (man) were engaging in a gay threesome. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By oops - 03/02/2016 22:17 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work, I tripped on my own feet and grabbed the closest thing to me to keep myself from falling, which just so happened to be my bosses penis. FML.

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By Jif_Creamy - 03/02/2016 22:02 - United States - Middletown

Today, I stole a box of pop tarts that were on top of a vending machine during detention when the supervisor left the cafeteria.I gave one to my crush and she ate it. Under closer inspection of the box I found out they were expired by over a year. FML

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By devilninja - 03/02/2016 22:01 - United States - Farmington

Today I woke up with a headache and the urge to vomit. While staying home from school, I get an email from my teachers saying that the award submission for our team is due tonight, and I have to finish it. After hours of work and finally submitting it, they tell me that it's due tomorrow. FML

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By anonymous - 03/02/2016 22:01 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my younger brother thought it would be funny to remove the bars from the 100 pound shelf above my computer. I now have a broken computer and a concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 21:57 - United States - Delmar

Today I had a bloody nose in math, the teacher had no tissues, so I was given a tampon to shove up my nose by a fellow female classmate. Worst part was walking down the hallways with it shoved up my left nostril... FML

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By what.was.that. - 03/02/2016 21:54 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, while looking for a notebook in my classmate's school bag, I was lazy enough just to stick my arm in there until I would eventually find it. Something bit my hand. FML.

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By lex1459 - 03/02/2016 21:52 - Canada

Today, while bussing to school, a very creepy man took it upon himself to sit beside me and inform me that I would never be as pretty as I am today, that I'm only going to decline, and that all my friends will leave me when my inevitable cosmetic surgery goes wrong. What the hell?? FML.

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By flowers2426 - 03/02/2016 21:46 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today,I had to explain to my 8 year daughter that her daddy is never coming back home. He had a heart attack while she was at school and passed away. This is the hardest thing anyone will have to do. He loved her and always the saddest thing is he didn't know I was pregnant before he died. Fml

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By crazyhetro - 03/02/2016 21:41 - United Kingdom - Rochdale

Today, I walked past my ex girlfriend, I waved to her out of politeness, she turned to me and started yelling profanities in front of my new girlfriend. She dumped me.. FML

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By dead - 03/02/2016 21:33 - United States

Today, I was at the bar with some friends celebrating my birthday. I got hit on and was joking about my age when he said I looked great for my age. He thought I was 40. I was turning 25. I then watched him go home with my best friend. FML.

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By Ipeh - 03/02/2016 21:29

Today, I got hit by a car. Driven by my cousin, who was talking on his phone while driving. FML.

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By drdrake - 03/02/2016 21:21 - United States - Lynwood

Today, I took a nap after I got home from school and while I was sleeping my little cousin "trimmed" my eyebrows using scissors. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 21:18 - United States - Little Rock

Today my dad just told me "to hell with social interaction" and basically grounded me from doing anything important. This resulted from someone stealing my phone, texting my dad "sup motherfucker," and him thinking that it was me. FML

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By Sandman0351 - 03/02/2016 21:01 - United States - Florissant

Today, i went out to warm up my truck. When I came back out to leave there were two dogs in the cab. I don't have two dogs and now my neighbor accusing me of stealing his pets. FML.

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By do you see me - 03/02/2016 20:51 - United States - Richland

Today, I allowed myself to collapse in the middle of the hallway at my college because I couldn't see. When my vision returned I saw at least 5 people sitting in the hallway ignoring me. FML

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By johnlemongarb - 03/02/2016 20:42 - United Kingdom - Buntingford

Today, after having put off visiting my friend last Friday, I decided I was going to tonight. Only just before I was about to leave was I phoned and told that he'd passed away earlier in the day. FML

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By TrickyDeath - 03/02/2016 20:33 - United States - Ontario

Today, I noticed that the only relapse I've had in months for cutting myself got super infected. I'm afraid to tell anyone to ask for help, because even my doctor said she was proud of me for staying clean. FML

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By AngelApocalypse - 03/02/2016 20:33 - United States - Boonville

Today, our douche neighbors downstairs were blaring music while my boyfriend was trying to sleep after working the night shift. We can't do anything about it because they won't answer their door and the landlord threatens to evict anyone who complains. We know they're doing it on purpose. FML

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By Sad Seat Sharer - 03/02/2016 20:31

Today, I saw a student struggling to find a seat in the cafeteria, so I told him he could sit by us if he told a story. He launched into a story about the death of his siblings, and how lucky he was to be alive. This story, which reduced my squad into a sobbing mess, turned out to be fake.. FML

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By Wraith09 - 03/02/2016 20:19 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, my 13 year old daughter was helping at a party for 8 year olds. A boy walked up and "honked" her breast. As I stepped up to chastise him, the boy's father runs up, give the kid a high 5, and winks at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 20:19 - United States - Mesa

Today, my wife of 7 years upset because she's decided she doesn't love me anymore. What hurts me most is that she's more upset and concerned about the fact that her boyfriend of 4 months is leaving her. FML

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By SolarLunix - 03/02/2016 20:16 - United Kingdom - Londonderry

Today marks the third time that my husband and I were mistaken for siblings by a doctor. I guess my American accent and his Irish accent, the rings on our fingers, and the fact we were holding hands just isn't enough to suggest we're probably not siblings... FML

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By MEL - 03/02/2016 20:15 - United States - Kansas City

Today, a good friend, knowing I had not had a date for years, said she knew the perfect person for me to date, she said we had a lot in common & she thought we'd hit if off, but I'd have to become a lesbian.FML

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By latexallergy - 03/02/2016 20:15 - United States - Willis

Today, is the day after my first well woman exam. I'm allergic to latex. She used latex gloves to check me. Fml

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By aliwells - 03/02/2016 20:07 - United States - Woodside

Today, I ran in to my ex with his new girlfriend that's 6 months pregnant. We broke up a week ago FML

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By bitchplss - 03/02/2016 19:45 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, I checked my work schedule and found out that for the next two weeks I'll be working only Saturdays for a 4 hr shift. This is after I requested a full week of work to pay for my education. FML

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By Skyfoogle - 03/02/2016 19:21 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, my 7-year-old son asked me if he could visit me in hell when I die. FML

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By moonfal - 03/02/2016 19:20 - United States - Brandon

Today, the little one I watch pinched my nipple. This is a common occurrence. He also pats my bottom. FML.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I tried to take a picture next to a peacock, but ended up running away with a face and mouth full of feathers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 936

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 9 072

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for not showing up to work yesterday. It seems going into anaphylactic shock isn't a valid excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 422

You deserved it 1 357

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 918

You deserved it 968

Today, it's been three weeks since I’ve seen my kids. My ex just decided that I was a safety concern after we had 50/50 for almost two years. Now I just gotta wait until I can see a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 211

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 543

You deserved it 6 691