Nearly FMLs

By sleepy - 04/02/2016 14:35 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I slept through my alarm and missed my ride to school, then I slept through my other alarm and I missed the late bus. 'FML'

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 14:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

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By embarassed - 04/02/2016 13:48

Today, a company I have an interview with next week rang my current boss to ask for a reference. I hadn't told her I was looking for a new job yet. FML

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By TheUglierFriend - 04/02/2016 13:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a one night stand with a guy I just met. Things were going great until my roommate came home early. We quickly threw our clothes back on and whilst I was hiding the evidence he went and introduced himself to her. Now he keeps texting me asking for her number. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 13:46 - United States - New York

Today, while at the bus to work, an Asian kid had been staring at me, so I smiled at him. His mom told him to stop staring at the "Kuchisake-onna". Being Asian myself, I took that as a compliment thinking its some Japanese actress... until I googled it. FML

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By brokeassbitch - 04/02/2016 13:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst barely surviving as full-time uni student, I abruptly found out that I need a new car battery. I was okay about it until I found out that the battery I require ranges from $2-4,000. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 13:36 - United States - Richmond

Today, once again I was called a lesbian because I reject every boy that asks me out. Not only am I straight but I'm still grieving my boyfriend death. FML

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By ImFucked - 04/02/2016 13:27 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my fanatically religious mother walked in on me, tied up in my bed with packing tape, just as my boyfriend, whip in hand, rammed his dick into my cherry. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 13:18 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing, "If you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. They sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 18

By goodstudent - 04/02/2016 12:51 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I missed class due to a horrible migraine. Later I was feeling better and decided to go to school to get some work done on the computers. I walked right by my professor discreetly hiding my face with my umbrella. He noticed. And crouched down to make direct eye contact. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 12:23 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I went in for a kiss, and she told me she doesn't kiss on the first date. I don't either, but the last woman I took out got pissed I didn't. FML

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By Caramel - 04/02/2016 12:13 - Ireland - Limerick

This morning I confessed to my partner that I'm not well (very depressed and feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown) and he said, "I can see that," so I said I need help or at least a hug, and he said, "yeah, good luck with that", left the house, got into the car and drove off. FML.

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By Mufasa666 - 04/02/2016 12:10 - Canada - Brampton

Today while I was at the bank I realized $500 was missing. When I questioned the lady at the desk she informed me that my mother withdrawled the cash. Her excuse was "She's your mother, she should be allowed to take money from your account". There goes my textbooks money. FMl

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By jansdrs - 04/02/2016 11:55 - United States - Huntington

Today,I discovered my phone was gone. I also discovered my friend with the new phone,which just happens to have every dent mine had. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 11:40 - United States - Flanders

Today, I had a blackout from a snowstorm at my house. I was using a flashlight, but apparently my dog is scared of flashlights. Upon pointing it at the ceiling, my dog took a flying leap and tore into my head. Because of the snow, I had to wait a day to get to the hospital for stitches. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 11:39 - Australia - Kambah

Today, on the very first night of our honeymoon, I woke up to the sound of my brand new husband moaning my maid of honors' name in his sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 11:27 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex, doggy style. They didn't stop. They just looked at me and smiled. FML

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By Ipeh - 04/02/2016 11:21

Today, after spending the night in the hospital, my cousin who'd ran me over yesterday came to visit. He high-fived me so hard I actually fell out of my hospital bed. FML.

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By drdrake - 04/02/2016 10:48 - United States - Lynwood

Today, I took 5 hours to figure out how to do the first 3 problems on my math homework. I am currently at the 17 hour mark and i'm still not done with my math homework, FML

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By MDoremis - 04/02/2016 10:46 - United States

Today, upon closer inspection, I realized the sun has not been blessing me with natural highlights in my bangs. I'm just going grey at the ripe old age of twenty-four. FML

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By AllisonReyes - 04/02/2016 10:43 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mom and her boyfriend got in a huge fight, over her damaging his computer chair because she's disabled and needs to use it. The argument ended with him flipping over our couch and breaking a lot of our items. He refuses to move out. FML.

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By Peanut - 04/02/2016 10:10 - Georgia - Tbilisi

Today, I went to Wendy's arcade game zone to fill in the gap between classes. I got so excited at some zombie battle game that I got a panic attack. I really need to get out more. FML

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By illy1 - 04/02/2016 09:47 - United States - Mccalla

Today, I logged into my computer after my brother used it. I'm now wondering why my search history includes "Anil" and "recktall". He's 30. How am I related to this fuckwit? FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 09:38 - United Kingdom - New Malden

Today, I found out the awkward way that my natural reaction to fear is to giggle hysterically when I was nearly attacked by a dog whose owner pulled him back on his leash just in time. FML

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By graphite01 - 04/02/2016 09:23 - United States - Eugene

Today, after 4 years of being together, I found out that my girlfriend has kissed more girls than I have. She's not even bi. FML.

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By loserface1004 - 04/02/2016 08:34 - United States

Today, I was cussed out because the restaurant I work in didn't have any hamburgers. I work at Chick-Fil-A. We literally only serve chicken. -FML

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By Myorafield - 04/02/2016 08:19 - Australia - Thornleigh

Today, I was eating lunch at school with my friend. Someone walked past and I couldn't tell if it was a guy or a girl, so I asked him. He shot me a dirty look and said "that's my sister". FML

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By uhohitslisa2 - 04/02/2016 07:54 - Canada - Burlington

Today, my boss got mad at me for working at my 2nd job more than my 1st job. She says I have to make them my priority. I had to look for a new job a while ago, because she "can't afford" to give me shifts. But she can afford to hire new people. I have to pretend I'm not pissed off about this. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 07:46 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my crush out to a movie. We went to see The Choice, a romance movie. Guess who came during the middle of the movie, begging to get back with her? Her ex, the one who cheated on her. That would be 4 hours of them making out next to me, please. FML.

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By ugh - 04/02/2016 07:27 - Canada - Surrey

Today, while talking to my boyfriend about Valentine's Day plans, I found out that he wants me to stay home and make him dinner while he goes to the gym with the boys, comes home to eat and then goes right back out. Not to mention he promised me this year Valentine's Day was on him. FML

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The Top

Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 137

Today, my family got mad at me for installing toilet paper going under instead of over. Considering I'm the only one who fills the empty spool, I thought that it wouldn't matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 426

Today, my ex was talking about getting back together. I say I’d be willing to talk and ask him to explain what he wants from me, to see if there’s any common ground, but he replied, "I just mention something and you immediately attack me with this emo crap! I already regret even thinking about it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 184

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 762

You deserved it 9 542

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied, "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 096

You deserved it 4 751

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 375