Nearly FMLs

By donthaveone - 04/02/2016 07:19 - Italy - Palermo

Today, was my birthday and the only happy birthday wishes that I got was from Facebook itself. FML

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By nume - 04/02/2016 06:51 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason I've been so forgetful recently is that I've not been eating properly. This wouldn't be a big deal except that I can literally only afford off-brand ramen noodles. FML.

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By sucker - 04/02/2016 06:46 - United States - San Diego

Today, I finally finished moving into my boyfriend's house after getting rid of my apartment and 90% of my own stuff because he said, "I have everything you need, baby." then he broke up with me. Now, I'm homeless.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 06:42 - United States - Seattle

Today I discovered the man that I had been sleeping with who I thought was ignoring me because of severe depression he's historically struggled with was actually just sleeping with another woman and ignoring me because he's an asshole. Found out via Facebook even. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 06:38 - United States - South Haven

Today, I fell into our ac/heat duct located in our trailer floor because my cat thinks that the ducts are a world of adventure, and removes the grates. I now have a massive wound with bruising on my stomach. FML

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By noniente - 04/02/2016 06:27 - Italy - Palermo

Today, was my birthday and the only "happy birthday" I got was from Facebook itself. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 06:09 - United States - Colton

Today, I found out my roommate has the hots for my boyfriend when she put on a mask and had sex with him. FML

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By Spencer_40 - 04/02/2016 06:01 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I called a depression place and when someone picked up I said that I was feeling depressed and asked what I should do and they sighed and said "just fucking kill yourself" and hung up. FML

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By Missa_Sissa - 04/02/2016 05:56 - United States - Helena

Today, I was scanning a man's items at the register when I noticed a package of men's underwear was ripped open and a pair was hanging out. The man grabbed the pair and proudly said that he needed to try them on first to make sure they fit. He then proceeded to hand me the used underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 05:49 - United States - New Berlin

Today, I confronted my 16 year old daughter about how I don't approve of her talking to a 20 year old guy. She then replied with "it's okay, it's not like we've met up or had sex yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IRule182 - 04/02/2016 05:34 - United States - North Hills

Today, I decided that on my birthday each person, besides my immediate family, that tells me happy birthday I will take a shot. So far I'm at 0. FML

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By samurai559 - 04/02/2016 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I finally let my mom wax part of my legs after pestering me. She told me it would only tickle. Needless to say it didn't tickle one bit, FML.

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By anonymous - 04/02/2016 05:14 - United States - Hammond

Today, I went to work after spending the day with my boyfriend. Little did I know, he had set my ringtone to "Bees in the Trap" and put my ringer on full blast. Nobody thought it was funny when my phone went off. I work at the YMCA. In the child care center. Parents are furious. FML.

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By spiderman - 04/02/2016 04:54 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I ended up taking a crap in my backyard at three in the morning. Why? Because there were spiders in both of my bathrooms, and I was too afraid to even go near them. FML

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By uchihastephy88 - 04/02/2016 04:50 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my roommate told me he often borrows my butt plug. FML

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You deserved it 0

By CrazyPitMom - 04/02/2016 04:43 - United States - Safford

Today, some idiot broke into my house, and my pitbulls attacked him. guess who's dogs were impounded, and who didn't go to jail. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Poopy Pants - 04/02/2016 04:43 - Canada - Milton

Today, I had to write an important exam worth 30% of my mark, when I woke up I concluded that eating spicy curry the night before wasn't a good idea. My moms solution, send me to school in one of my younger sisters pull ups, long story short, a pull-up can't hold curry.... FML

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By klorgren3 - 04/02/2016 04:38 - United States - Fountain Inn

Today, while on Tinder I came across my bosses profile. Out of pure excitement, I tried to take a screenshot and accidentally ended up swiping to "like". We matched instantly... FML

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By Sleep_lover654 - 04/02/2016 04:33 - United States - Tempe

Today, after being sick for the third week in a row, my teacher decided I was the perfect person to make an hour long speech in front of many important people. FML

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By TechnologicallyImpaired - 04/02/2016 04:21 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and our cat came up to my husband. He, not wanting to pet her, decided to shove the cat in my direction. Which wouldn't have been a bad thing if I didn't have my $1300 laptop sitting on my lap when she landed on it , bending the screen back. FML

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By MisLabeled - 04/02/2016 03:53 - United States - Ada

Today, I found out my Husband never corrected his W-4 like I asked him to last year meaning we own roughly 1500 in taxes this year. FML

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By keeza - 04/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I was rock climbing and this 11 year old girl comes up to me and asks what high school I go to and if I know her brothers. I told her I wasn't in high school so she said "oh, what middle school then ? Are we in the same grade?!" I'm 23. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 03:45 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I walked into my first engineering class. It's a full class of 60. I'm the only female. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 03:45 - United States - Dallas

Today, I chugged an extra large red energy drink. Little did I know, this would cause huge, explosive red shits less than five minutes before my first cross country meet. FML

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By SamandDean666 - 04/02/2016 03:44 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, in English, the librarian was showing us some reliable research sites and while watching a video, I had the hiccups. The librarian heard me and told me to shut up. FML

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By anonymous - 04/02/2016 03:35 - Australia

Today, I found out one of my old high school friends tragically passed away. I had slept with him a couple nights earlier. Last time I had slept with one of my high school friends he also tragically passed away a few days later. High school friends better stay away from me. FML

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By aahowell - 04/02/2016 03:35 - United States - Collins

Today, I filed my taxes. I'm only getting $70 back because I only work an 18/hr week job, and am a full time college student. My cousin, who is 20, a college drop-out, pregnant, and hasn't worked a legitimate in 2 years is getting $8,000 back. She's saying it's not enough. FML.

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By happybirthday2me - 04/02/2016 03:34 - United States - Avon

Today, my boss was nice enough to get me a coffee from McDonald's and brought in some breakfast sandwiches for my coworkers and I to celebrate my birthday. I didn't get a sandwich and someone stoled my coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 03:33 - United States - Compton

Today I decided to walk by a pretty attractive guy because I felt hot in my outfit, only to realize when I got to my car that my dress was dragged up by my backpack while I was walking and my panties were hanging out. FML.

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By Fml - 04/02/2016 03:33 - United States - Racine

Today, I'm gay and I finally worked up the courage to tell the boy I like my feelings. He responded like this "wow well I'm gay as well but I'd rather be straight then go out with you" he walked away while grabbing another guys ass Fml

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FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 689

You deserved it 38 581

Today, five minutes before closing, a woman came in to buy over $300 worth of clothing from the sales rack. My manager and I had to ring it all up, de-sensor it, fold it, bag it, etc. After it was all rung up, her credit card was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 101

You deserved it 4 608

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 1 181

Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 280

Today, my son came home saying there had been a bad accident where two people died in a crash. This sounded terrible but he then said, "Yeah, I took pictures. Wanna see the bodies? They’re disgusting." Everyone in the house except me jumped up to look at those poor dead people. I raised savages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 148

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 205