Nearly FMLs

By AuxOops - 06/02/2016 20:06 - United Kingdom - New Malden

Last week my idiot father-in-law dropped my laptop, breaking the charge port and headphone jack. He refused to pay for it because he "doesn't know about technology". Needing it for work I shelled out over £50 to fix it, getting it back this morning. Guess who has already dropped it again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 20:04 - United States - Thornville

Today, while I was talking dirty with my boyfriend, I reached over and touched the outside of his pants, he closed his legs and yelled that I was raping him. We've been dating for 2 years, and have had sex before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Nebu257 - 06/02/2016 19:56 - United States

Today, At work I was petting and giving belly scratches to a new clients dog. The second I finished the dog attacked my arm by the time we got dog off of me, the owner said that his dog was known to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By frecklebrit - 06/02/2016 19:52 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a customer came up to my counter, dropped two gallon-sized ziplock bags of change and told me to count it while he shopped. There was eighteen dollars worth of anyone cares to know. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Suicidal_Divide - 06/02/2016 19:45 - United States - Sacramento

Today, 'family fun day' excluded my son and I. We live in the same house as the rest of the family. We had to listen to everyone talking about where they we going and how much fun they would have. Worst part was trying to explain to my Autistic son why we aren't 'part of the family'.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By I need a tissue pls - 06/02/2016 19:44 - United States - Beltsville

Today, I was laying on top of my boyfriend, making out with him. I randomly got a nosebleed and didn't notice I pulled away and saw blood around his upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Snotty Smith - 06/02/2016 19:33 - United States - Middletown

Today, while talking to my crush, I laughed at one of his jokes. In the process, snot shot out of my nose. Now he won't look at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Reed513 - 06/02/2016 19:25 - United States - Newburgh

Today, I learned that my dad originally wanted to name me Pussy. So that when he spanked me he could say, "I just beat that pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Blood_Tears123 - 06/02/2016 19:23 - United States - New Hartford

Today, I fell during my basketball game. Very hard. When I asked if it looked like a hard fall my loving older sis said "Yeah but thats because of your body weight" FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By sweetyeliza - 06/02/2016 19:00 - United States - South Ozone Park

Today, I realized that I have a problem with pleasuring myself, as in I rather use the shower head then have sex with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By The_Unlucky1 - 06/02/2016 18:51 - United States

Today, My family made me miss a meet I have been training for for over 3 months to watch my little sister's gymnastics competition. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By CorvusVenator - 06/02/2016 18:43 - United States - Troy

Today, I asked a cute girl for her phone number. She laughed in my face, loudly. Then she told me she liked my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Morgan - 06/02/2016 18:37 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, was my first time driving in the mountains with my parents. I was already nervous enough when the driveshaft fell off and left us stranded on the side of a highway for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By applegated1996 - 06/02/2016 18:35 - United States

Today, I got home from holiday to see my apartment broken into, what did they steal? my toilet FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By AkiAnime - 06/02/2016 18:35 - United States - Pacoima

Today, I realized whenever I'm reminded of my ex, I try to revert to my 10 year old self. A couple guys I've met recently both started texting me last night, showing some interest. I ended up crying, turning off my phone and watching Jimmy Neutron on my computer until 2 o'clock this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 06/02/2016 18:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised I have reverse beer goggles. Having lusted after my crush for a year, I went out with him. We had a lovely but boozy evening and and ended up in my bed. I was so uninterested as he started to go down on me that I had to fake a panic attack to get out of having sex with him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By applegated1996 - 06/02/2016 18:30 - United States

Today, I got the shit beat out of me by an old ww2 veteran, I'm in the hospital, in immense pain. I am a Ranger in the Army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By I hate elevators - 06/02/2016 18:17 - Canada - Simcoe

Today, I was going to the Empire State Building and I have a sever phobia of elevators and my friends just told me to go this once and everything will be okay. What do you know? The elevator got stuck, FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By unimportant - 06/02/2016 18:10 - Germany - Rodgau

Today, my mother informed me that she will be on vacation on the first birthday of my daughter, the only grandchild she will ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By inthehospital - 06/02/2016 17:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend of two years stuffed some cabbage in my mouth. I'm allergic to cabbage and now I'm in the hospital with a very swollen tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Glenn - 06/02/2016 17:36 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I've been searching for a job for over a year and have been put on a voluntary work scheme by the benefits office, so now I essentially have a full time job but because it's voluntary I don't get paid for it and only receive my Jobseeker's money of £50 a week. This must be illegal somehow FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By doemetoch - 06/02/2016 17:35 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I found out that the place where I work doesn't offer vegetarian meals because the cook is convinced that "God made the animals for us to eat them, it says so in the bible." FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 17:35 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, while at a doctor's appointment, my doctor answered her phone. The important call? Someone had a goat they wanted to sell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Evil Stripes - 06/02/2016 17:24 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while officiating a seven and eight year old's hockey game, a player from one of the teams fell awkwardly on his wrist and had to be helped off the ice. He appeared to be alright, so I jokingly asked if it needed amputation, to cheer him up. He was an amputee.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 16:55 - United States - Loganville

Today, my girlfriend of a year and a half, who told me she lost her virginity to me, opened up and said that she really lost it during a vacation in Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Lemme - 06/02/2016 16:15 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, Bpost called me to say they won't refund my 1000$ watch they lost. I sent it as an insured package because the woman in the post office specificaly advised me to use this method for a watch. Now they tell me that it is stated in their Terms & Conditions that jewellery is never insured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 16:04 - Finland

Today, my boyfriend decided that the only way for our relationship to continue is if I give him a 30 minute speech detailing how all of our problems in the past year were my fault, which he will then pass judgement on, to see if we "see things the same way". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By sofijas - 06/02/2016 15:48 - United States - Modesto

Today, after a week straight of fire shits, I can feel a sensation formerly only experienced by my lips: I have a chapped asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By slowday - 06/02/2016 15:44

Today, it was my day off on the ship I work at but we are at sea so there is not much to do. I was so bored that when I spilled a bowl of crisps all over my bed, instead of cursing myself for my clumsiness, I was happy to have something useful to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By DontPullMyFinger - 06/02/2016 15:21 - United States - Flint

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting heated, he decided to use his fingers. I'm not sure which hurt worse, breaking his nail, or losing the nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 619

You deserved it 33 385

Today, driving out of my neighbourhood, I encountered three snow plows heading towards me. I tried to turn around in a stranger's driveway but wasn't fast enough, and they left a wall 4-feet high of ice and snow, blocking me in. I rang the doorbell, borrowed their shovel and dug out their driveway. Its -32 with wind-chill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 149

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 029

You deserved it 4 219

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 730

You deserved it 5 226

Today, I was driving home from a long day at work fixing people's electronics. When I got home, I got a call from work saying I needed to go back and help a customer with their TV again. When I got there, after an hour of driving, I realized I'd accidentally kicked the power cord out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 553

You deserved it 5 995

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 665

You deserved it 19 273