Nearly FMLs

By thejordan52x - 05/02/2016 06:49 - United States - Boise

Today, I whatched in horor as my cat vomited directly into my dogs mouth. My dog has never looked happier. FML

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By Mr. Poopsicle - 05/02/2016 06:28 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I've had constant issues with my stomach all day. I've had enough and decided to release a tiny fart with caution. I ended up sharting in my new pants that I bought yesterday. FML

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By CrazyPitMom - 05/02/2016 06:21 - United States - Safford

Today, drinking shots of tequila with my husband, I suddenly had to sneeze. this wouldn't be so bad had I not shot tequila out of my nose, all over the tablet, snot and all. I don't think the burning sensation in my nose is going to go away any time soon nor will my husband stop laughing! fml

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By skunkstripes - 05/02/2016 06:14 - Australia - Regents Park

Today, while everyone was stressed out over a major assignment that's due, I got asked if I was worried. I said no because I have an extension, due to my disability. My friend then said, "aww, you're so lucky". No, I'm not... Because I have.... A disability... FML

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By Daddy? - 05/02/2016 06:13 - United States - Chandler

Today, my idiot brother decided to get back with his psychotic ex wife because she claims to be having his child. He divorced her and moved back to the states over a year ago and hasn't seen her before now. FML.

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By SleepySammy - 05/02/2016 06:11 - United States - Mentor

Today, I have acid reflux & water stuck in my right ear canal at the same time, while trying to sleep. Lying on my right side fills my esophagus. Lying on my left side may harm my right eardrum. FML

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By rachelkay58 - 05/02/2016 06:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a concerning phone call from my dad telling me people are looking for my boyfriend. Come to find out he has been hiding that he hasn't been paying his car payment. Right now that's the only car we have. FML

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By kaitlynbouska - 05/02/2016 05:55 - United States - Omaha

Today, I missed my train because I was taking a quiz to see what sort of fruit I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 395

By anonymous - 05/02/2016 05:49 - United States

Today, I found out that I am getting my wisdom teeth removed in two weeks. This means that right as my girlfriend is starting to feel better from getting her's removed, I will get mine done. FML

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By LostGirl9456 - 05/02/2016 05:39 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after an extremely stressful week, I messaged my boyfriend the details of what's happened in hopes of getting some comfort and sympathy. Instead, he got mad at me because he didn't know how to help and said I was stressing him out. Ironically, I'm even more stressed than I was before. FML.

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By CasualAdvances - 05/02/2016 05:30 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was locking my appartment door when I started talking to myself outloud about work I had done yesterday. This would have been okay if my sexy neighbor wasn't sitting outside watching his new crazy neighbor talk to herself. He glared at me all the way to my car. FML

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By rsdtss - 05/02/2016 05:30

Today I was reprimanded by my dad for being sassy to my big brother. He's 22 and he lives in our house and is always playing league of legends. His college dorm is down the street. Why won't he leave?! FML

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By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 05:23 - United States - San Jose

Today, my little sister walked in on me when I was having sex. She's nine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By killer0689 - 05/02/2016 05:10 - India - Jaipur

Today, I decided to resign from my office. My boss didn't accept my resignation letter in the morning. And later on fired me in the evening. FML

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By jaybeeme - 05/02/2016 05:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, is my first day as a daycare teacher assistant, so far I have been puked on, had poo flung and smeared on my pants and have been yelled at for the children using too many toys. It's only been 2 hours. FML

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By Ghengis - 05/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Southview

Today, I started having stomach problems and been shitting my brains out all day. There are girls over at my college apartment just hanging out. I'm currently sitting on toilet and accidentally let out the most gargled behemoth noise of an ass squelch in the history of mankind. FML

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By anon - 05/02/2016 04:38 - Mexico - Tepic

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. When my 7 year old sister burst throughly door in tears because she stubbed her toe and scared us both so bad he accidentally bit off a big chunk of my labia. Now I'm in the ER getting it stitched back on. FML

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By jerseygirl94 - 05/02/2016 04:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my husband was more interested in watching a live feed of a D&D game than having sex with me. FML

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By thorenemma - 05/02/2016 04:29 - Australia - Toorak

Today, my male roommate walked in my room, locked eyes, grabbed his passport and walked out. I was masturbating. Fml

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By goodbyesuperbowl - 05/02/2016 04:28 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was getting hot and heavy with my girlfriend for the first time. She started kissing all down my stomach, when she got to my panties she ripped them off, only to immediately brake up with me because of my Dallas Cowboys tattoo. FML

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By HolyShit - 05/02/2016 04:23 - United States

Today, my parents told me I'm not going to heaven because I haven't been properly baptised. I was baptised two times in two different denominations in churches they forced me to attend in my childhood. I'm 30 and haven't been to church in years because of them.FML.

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By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 04:12 - United States

Today, while working one of my shifts at Hooters something felt funny on my chest as I was serving some customers. Next thing I knew my stick on breast enhancer flopped out and landed on their plate of food, FML!

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By RoseyPosey - 05/02/2016 04:11 - United States - Frisco

Today I received a misdirected sext from my 88 year old grandfather... it was the most action I've gotten all year. FML.

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By madisyn123 - 05/02/2016 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to try and put a condom on his finger because it was too gross to go in me "bare". FML

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By Deshduke45 - 05/02/2016 03:54 - United States - Park Ridge

Today, my dog wouldn't go outside. So I decided to go outand play with him. He then decided to take my legs out from under me and knock me into a bush. I'm still picking twigs out of my nose. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By -.- - 05/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my boyfriend forgot it was my birthday even though we discussed it multiple times this week. His only defense was "I thought it was tomorrow." And he didn't understand why I was so upset. FML

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By WorryNot - 05/02/2016 03:51 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I got a blood blister. When I went to pop it my heart raced, my hands shook and I became dizzy. My self preservation instincts nearly caused me to faint popping a small blood blister. FML

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By disgasted - 05/02/2016 03:43 - United States - Richmond

Today, I caught my boyfriend jacking off to my Facebook profile picture. FML.

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By Need sleep - 05/02/2016 03:37 - United States

Today marks the second day in a row that my new neighbor's alarm woke me at 6 in the morning, but failed to wake him up the five times it rang. I had just gotten to bed 2 hours prior to the alarm both times, because I work 2nd shift. My job is suffering from my lack of rest. Fml

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By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 03:33 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, i went on a date with the girl of my dreams, and after a while, she took my hand and put it on her butt. I felt something weird, but of course i didn't complain. She then said "feel that? That's a log of my shit you're feeling up there."

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The Top

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 092

You deserved it 5 828

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 474

You deserved it 5 247

Today, my new neighbor broke into our new house because his key didn't work. We just closed on the house this week and changed the locks when footprints were found in the bathtub after the cleaning crew went through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 217

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 979

You deserved it 7 647

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 436

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 048

You deserved it 4 710