Nearly FMLs

By annoyed - 06/02/2016 15:14 - United States - Columbus

Today, it has been the fifth day since my father started to say everything is slow-fast bursts of speech like Captain Kirk. When ever I try to avoid him he just follows me around doing it. FML

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By badluckbob - 06/02/2016 14:54 - Mexico - Tepic

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me how she was cheating, the day I was going to propose. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 14:35 - United States - Brigham City

Today, in the space of 2 minutes it took me to use the bathroom, my one year old took my iPhone out of my room to the Great Dane puppy who used it as a chew toy. I just got it a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jiggly - 06/02/2016 14:11 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my mother got really mad at me for confessing her I'm bisexual after she had asked me. Apparently, she was expecting a "honest false" answer such as NO because now that she knows "she doesn't want to know it anymore". FML.

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By Ginger - 06/02/2016 13:48 - United States - New York

Today, my 9 month old sons hair grew in. He, like I, is officially a red head. I have made fun of and thought red headed males were ugly my whole life. FML

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By Scared - 06/02/2016 13:33 - Malta - Piet?

Today, this nice guy I've been talking to on Facebook for a few weeks kept insisting to see nudes. When I kept refusing he quickly turned creepy and starting threatening to photoshop my face on nude bodies and upload them on the internet if I don't send him nudes. I don't know what to do. FML

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By ihopenot - 06/02/2016 13:24 - United States - Orinda

Today, everyone at work kept complimenting me on the beard I grew solely to protect from cold weather, so I sent a picture to my mom. She said I look like the guys from Duck Dynasty. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 12:34 - France

Today, I woke up by sneezing after a couple of days of coughing. It hurt really bad. I got a muscle rupture from sneezing. FML

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By sleep45 - 06/02/2016 12:24 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, while my husband and I were getting ready in the morning, he told me that my dog had been farting in my face for a while last night. I asked him why he didn't move her and he told me that it was too funny and was surprised his giggling didn't wake me up. FML

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By cbarr98 - 06/02/2016 12:08 - United States - Mapleton

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he decided to try for anal without telling me. He then got offended when I rolled away and cried from how much it hurt. FML.

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By giiiiiirrrl - 06/02/2016 12:07 - United States - Dawsonville

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend of 2 years, I realized I'm in love with my best friend, who's a girl. I couldn't continue. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By cicibear - 06/02/2016 11:26 - United States - North Charleston

Today I found out my tax return will deposit on 2/10. I get evicted on 2/8 with no place to go. FML

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By ThatBloodyImmigrant - 06/02/2016 11:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today I decided to cheer myself up by cleaning up the gunky windows in my newly rented apartment. Half an hour of leaning out the window cleaning the outside, I realise the crap is inside the double glazed packet and I'm spending the next year staring at the dirt. FML

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By rockaroths - 06/02/2016 11:20 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my ex tried to blame the end of our relationship on me after fucking some random guy. FML

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By Hagefade - 06/02/2016 10:46 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I went to see the new Star Wars film with my best bud at a local cinema. I showed my free double pass to the inexperienced staff member, only to be turned away by her and the other staff members because they wanted me to print out the email when they just had to type in a 4-digit code. FML.

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By Sleeping Beauty - 06/02/2016 10:09 - United States - Clive

Today I woke up late. When I woke I found my alarm was clock turned off ... and in my hand. Again. I do this at least once a week. FML

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By ADayInTheLife - 06/02/2016 10:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to work and the schedule had just come out. I notice I'm scheduled everyday this week for long hours. I informed my boss last month that I would be in school starting this week. My coworker took a vacation instead, so I either skip school or lose my job that is paying for school. FML

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By carriegirl098 - 06/02/2016 09:48 - United States - Tualatin

Today, I was in bed masturbating. I set my phone next to me so it wouldn't be in the way while I climaxed. After I was done (with much explicit noise included) I checked my phone to find it had dialed my friend, and he had answered. The call had lasted the entire session. He heard everything. FML

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By iPhone Why - 06/02/2016 09:23 - Australia

Today, I was brushing my teeth over the sink while checking Facebook on my phone. As I went to turn the tap off and rinse I dropped my $1,200 phone into the sink. Now it won't turn on. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 08:39 - United States

Today, I had a full conversation with my dog, including his "replies" about how much he would like the pizza I was reheating for myself. I turned around to see my mother's boyfriend standing in the doorway. He quickly retreated. I need a life. FML

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By Now I'll 2 hours to spare - 06/02/2016 08:34 - United States - Lexington

Today, after not putting me on the schedule for 2 weeks, my boss asked me to come in and talk to him. He said that I am too slow at what I am supposed to be doing, even though I always have an hour left to spare before the end of my shift, and I need to get my work done even faster. FML

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By pureNed - 06/02/2016 08:27 - United States - Dayton

Today, I woke up during the middle of a nap to find my 14 year old brother sniffing my feet. FML.

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By SteveBassist - 06/02/2016 08:27 - United Kingdom - Oldham

Today, I had to cover at another branch of the business I work at, which was two hours away. I get there half an hour late thanks to traffic, and it turns out the rota changed without anyone informing me, and I wasn't supposed to be there at all. FML.

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By anonymous - 06/02/2016 07:35 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had my first colonoscopy. After coming home and barely making it into bed, my lovely boyfriend who was there to take care of me said, "well this is probably the best time to experiment with anal! It's now or never" fml

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By itsallabootily - 06/02/2016 07:35 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I realized that I can count on one hand, the number of times my husband has made me orgasm. We've been together for almost four years. FML.

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By Bugabooloo - 06/02/2016 07:31 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, a woman outside my work was assaulted and almost mugged. I ran out to assist her, and luckily the perp was found and arrested! I was informed, however, that if I interfered again with a similar incident that I would be written up and may lose my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 07:15 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, my ex-girlfriend and her friend got an invite to my mums 60th birthday party. That would have been alright if I had gotten invited. FML.

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By silento - 06/02/2016 06:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my gastrointrologist to discuss the horrible gas I've been having. He had to excuse himself from the room because of the smell. FML

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By sunkissedevil - 06/02/2016 06:27 - United States

Today, I had to hold back my disappointment as I was left alone to celebrate my 20th birthday. I've been planning for months. Guess I'm not supposed to be upset when the reason is due to my sister being admitted to a mental hospital. FML

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By Wingman527 - 06/02/2016 05:43 - United States

Today, I walked in on a man drinking water from a toilet. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I tried to save money by buying a generic brand of coffee instead of my usual brand. It tasted terrible and I ended up throwing it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 342

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 79

Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 694

You deserved it 2 019

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 236

You deserved it 12 277

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 700

You deserved it 1 524

Today, I discovered that "team building exercise" really means free labor with no snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 81