Nearly FMLs

By clotheslessincleveland - 05/02/2016 20:36 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was rushing so much to get to the bus for my weekend class trip, that I forgot my entire duffel bag of clothes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 20:35

While giving my boyfriend a lap dance, he wasn't getting hard. I went down on him, and immediately sneezed all over his junk. This is when he got hard. FML

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By bloobalooby - 05/02/2016 20:33 - United States

Today, it was yet another day where my friend bitched about my shitty car. She has no license, no permit, and it seems like I'm gonna be her ride for the rest of my life. FML

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By UofA - 05/02/2016 20:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over to kiss me and wiped snot all over my face. FML.

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By KayDee29 - 05/02/2016 20:29 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was talking with my great grandma and she told me how good I looked. I said "Thanks! I've actually been trying to lose weight!" To which she replied "Oh, no. I only meant your face". FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Maybe I shouldn't parkour. - 05/02/2016 20:18 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I watched an awesome parkour video. Wanting to be like the guy in the video, I attempted to vault over my wooden fence. The wooden fence broke from under me and I fell down straight on my left arm. FML.

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By veggie_shame - 05/02/2016 20:11 - United States - Seattle

Today, I made dinner for my boyfriend. I spent lots of time and money creating this great salad out of eight different vegetables, some fruits and nuts, and a homemade dressing. After two bites, my boyfriend nicknamed this labor of love "compost surprise". FML

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By danman89 - 05/02/2016 20:10 - United States - Orlando

Today, i caught my girlfriend giving oral sex to another chick and then she asked if i wanted to join in for some more fun..it wouldn't have bothered me if the other chick hadn't been her actual sister.Fml

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By AllergicToIdiocy - 05/02/2016 20:06 - Canada - Montague

My daughter has an unusual skin condition/allergy that makes her break out into hives if she is too hot or cold. When I brought her to the doctors to get it tested. The nurse said "Sounds fake. Next time that happens, can you take a picture for proof?" FML

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By Canadian-Cook - 05/02/2016 19:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while getting ready for work I thought I had to sneeze. Turns out I also had to poop. Now I know I need to clean the floor. FML.

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By punkwiththejunk - 05/02/2016 19:28 - United States - Victorville

Today, I went to the doctor to try to fix my back pain. after blood work I find out that that is the least of my worries. Turns out my thyroid is non functional, my platelets are almost non existent and my white blood cell count is high. all signs of luekimia. FML!

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By whyugh - 05/02/2016 19:14 - United States - Houston

Today, it's been a month since I got my braces off. I went to my checkup for my teeth and they said I have to get braces again. FML

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By crave_adventure - 05/02/2016 18:57 - United States

Today, when I was going down the stairs & my boyfriend was coming up them. He grabbed my arm, swung me around & pull me close to be sexy. But being my clumsy self, when I got swung around my foot hit the stairs & my eye hit the railing. Now I have a black eye. FML

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By T_Rex561 - 05/02/2016 18:35 - United States - Belle Glade

Today, I was walking out the front door of my work and there was this man smoking a cigarette, who was about to come in so I kindly held the door for him while he discarded his cigarette, only to have a breath full of second hand smoke blown in my face. I'm asthmatic. FML

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By anon - 05/02/2016 18:31 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom found out I'm atheist after years of lying and going to church. She responded by disowning me and giving me my adoption papers. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Sisterlylove - 05/02/2016 18:27 - Canada - Ingersoll

Today, My stepsister tied me down and proceeded to try to have sex with me, until my mom came in. FML

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By kaels - 05/02/2016 18:25 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, I found out that my husband has another child, and as of right now we have a child on the way as well and he only has this baby because he fucked her when I left on deployment.

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By autiger0612 - 05/02/2016 18:23 - United States - Auburn

Today, My mom and I were at the store. She asked what the dog toy looking thing was on the shelf behind me. I picked it up and and began observing it to find out what it is. It then began vibrating. In front of everyone in line. FML

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By r1has - 05/02/2016 18:13 - United States - San Jose

Today, My mother told me that due to an inherited nasal defect I got from my dad, I can either get sinusitis all the time, or get surgery in which my nasal cartilage will be removed and as a side effect I'll snore like my dad, whose snores are audible from the other side of the house FML

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By J-Sauce - 05/02/2016 17:47 - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, while on an exchange in France, they showed a video of a woman giving birth in health class. Meanwhile my contact lens was bugging me. So much that I had to leave. The entire class thinks I was crying at the video. I don't know enough french to correct them. FML

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By moosemay - 05/02/2016 17:46 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I was eating a Danish pastry in our breakroom. It was half gone when I noticed something dark in the custard. I realized it was a bug and threw up into the kitchen sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 17:43 - United States - Riverside

Today, I stepped into the shower and found a bunch of long pubic hairs on my loofah. I got laser hair removal "down there" a year ago. FML.

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By over_it - 05/02/2016 17:39 - United States - Denver

Today, I asked my sister if she wanted to see a movie tomorrow. She replied, "Sorry I'm busy tonight, you didn't say anything about this earlier this week so you have no right to be mad; and in any case, the movie you want to see looks dumb." My family wonders why I have issues communicating. FML

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By Anxious - 05/02/2016 17:32 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went to the doctors for my anxiety. I got an anxiety attack while trying to talk about my anxiety. FML

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By mybloodisadelicacy - 05/02/2016 17:25 - United States - Diamond Bar

Today, I had to cut my nails really short because I realized that at night I unconsciously itch at my mosquito bites I acquired in Ecuador. I woke up with my legs covered I blood and scabs. FML

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By mitch - 05/02/2016 17:18 - United States - Campbell

Today, I've spent years training to be a vet because I love animals. The only job I've been able to find is at a shelter and my time is now spent putting healthy animals to sleep. Today alone I've killed 6 dogs, 2 of them were puppies and I'm pretty sure tonight I'm crying myself to sleep again. FML

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By anonymous - 05/02/2016 16:43 - United States - New York

Today,I found out my mom has been lying about my dad leaving her and I now every time I try to get in contact with him she freaks out and says they (meaning my dad and stepmom) are harassing her and that I need to stop talking to them. My mom has been controlling and lying to me for 23 years now FML

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By ...awkward af - 05/02/2016 16:21 - United Kingdom

At lunchtime in school my crush's friend steals my pen. It's the only pen I have with me. I end up chasing him down the corridor to get it back. I corner him and start frantically grabbing for the pen. Unfortunately for me I grabbed when the pen was low and ended up grabbing his dick. FML

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By bapbap - 05/02/2016 16:14 - Canada

Today, the public health nurse who gave me a pap first gave me a lecture on how it's important to use a condom every time. Even though I'm on the pill, happily and monogamously married and we would be excited and able to handle a pregnancy if it happened. FML.

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By preggo - 05/02/2016 16:02 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today my boss said he needs to have a seminar on birth control or is it something in the water making the staff getting pregnant. I'm also pregnant. FML

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The Top

Today, I came home and told my husband that I got my own Christmas present so he would have something to give me at the family gathering. He asked me if it was wrapped. I said it was. He said, "Nice." No follow up questions at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 131

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 982

You deserved it 10 773

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 442

You deserved it 2 309

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 901

You deserved it 39 867

Today, the girl of my dreams told me she only wants me for sex and not a relationship. Apparently, she thinks that because I left my ex to be with her, that I’ll do the same thing to her. It’s not like I cheated to be with her. I left my ex when I realized I caught feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 1 145

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 826

You deserved it 27 155