Nearly FMLs

By go sign - 06/02/2016 05:42 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, while driving, I leisurely checked my phone while waiting for the red light to change. Then I realized I was waiting at a stop sign. FML

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By tired - 06/02/2016 05:41 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend called me at 5.30 am for me to pick him up from a club as he had no cash for a taxi. When we got home he got out his wallet and asked me to count his money. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Masterdiablos - 06/02/2016 05:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my girlfriend gives more love and affection to her dog in a day than she gives me in a month. no kissing no cuddling nothing unless I make the first move. FML

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You deserved it 0

By J.G - 06/02/2016 04:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized that the girl I've been flirting with, sending love songs to, and complimenting doesn't like me. Instead, she's taken all of the things I sent to her and used them on the guy she likes. I just bought her an expensive Valentine's Day gift and planned a big date. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By c10rider - 06/02/2016 04:41 - United States - Marietta

Today, after being told yesterday by my boss that i could only get 40 hours this week and only had to work 3 hours today. i went to work with out eating breakfast or taking any lunch, i worked 7 hours on an empty stomach. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Professor SexEd - 06/02/2016 04:39 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years decided to break up with me because I was "too good" in bed. Her only explanation was that she's convinced I was sleeping with other girls to gain experience. FML

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You deserved it 0

By the opposite of a good thing - 06/02/2016 04:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I found out why I wasn't losing weight despite the intense daily workouts we did together, and my swap to healthier eating. I'm pregnant. FML

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You deserved it 0

By mysterymel - 06/02/2016 04:31 - United States - Nelsonville

Today, while watching a scary movie home alone, some random number in town calls my phone. Screams at me, demands to know who I am and then hangs up. I'm scared to death to even look out the window now. FML

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You deserved it 0

By MyPoorCarpet - 06/02/2016 04:26 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I came home to my whole house flooded from water, because my dog decided to bite through the toilets water supply hose.

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You deserved it 0

By Poopypower - 06/02/2016 04:25 - United States - Dallas

Today, my brother decided to wear my wrestling singlet for pajamas. He had some sort of accident overnight and now the only singlet I have has a massive poop stain right on the butt. The district tournament is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 3

By Ariseale - 06/02/2016 04:21 - United States - San Jose

Today, a person asked me if I had any siblings. I said no and when I looked at him, it was my brother. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 04:14 - Japan

Today, it's been about 6 months since I've started studying abroad in Japan. Yesterday my mom came to visit and brought my favorite food from home for me. Last night I woke up needing to go to the bathroom. I didn't make it to the toilet. My favorite food gives me explosive diarrhea. FML

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You deserved it 0

By dzinex - 06/02/2016 04:01 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my eating and watching YouTube habit has become. Now, every time I open up YouTube, I'm instantly hungry, and anytime I start to eat, I always throw a video on. I can't do one anymore without doing the other now. FML

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You deserved it 0

By catwakeup100101 - 06/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Crossett

Today, i woke up next to my beautiful sleeping wife, and to the painful agony of my cat stepping and clawing my balls. FML

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You deserved it 0

By SpacialQuakes - 06/02/2016 03:48 - United States

Today, While checking out at micro center I said goodbye to the cashier while leaving and he gave me weird look. It wasn't until two minutes later I realized what I really said was "I love you." FML

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You deserved it 0

By stinkyslinky - 06/02/2016 03:43 - United States - Troy

Today, my principal gave me back my phone that he confiscated a week ago. I was happy, until when I went on the first thing that popped up on the screen was "SKINNY ASIAN SHOVES MONSTER COCK UP ASS" my principal has literally been watching gay people rip open their anus holes. He has a family. FML

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You deserved it 0

By lessthanthree_IG - 06/02/2016 03:40 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I got food poisoning from my college dining hall. The worst part is it has happened the last 3 times I have eaten there. I'm basically paying $2000 a semester to get sick.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mr Plow - 06/02/2016 03:37 - United States - Bristol

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. I seriously hate living with this psycho. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonameow - 06/02/2016 03:34 - United States - Kingston

Today, I was rejected from a job I didn't even apply for. FML

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You deserved it 0

By lovexsarah - 06/02/2016 03:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was let go from my job for "financial reasons". My coworker who constantly made thousands of dollars of mistakes that I always had to fix was kept on. FML

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You deserved it 0

By smooch_589 - 06/02/2016 03:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's mom asked me over for dinner and the whole time she was asking him about his exs and how much she liked them. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By bow tie - 06/02/2016 03:14 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I finally convinced my mom to let me drive my truck to work 30 min. Away from home after just getting it out of the shop. Driving home not even half way and my tire blows up and I can't get my spare. FML

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You deserved it 0

By VoodooPriestess - 06/02/2016 02:42 - United States - Sacramento

Today, after receiving numerous compliments on how skinny I looked and noticing on the scale I was 10 lbs lighter, I put on a skirt I hadn't wore in months. I can tell you the weight I lost wasn't my stomach fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By zebulonpike - 06/02/2016 02:30 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I went to take a load of stuff over to the place I purchased a week ago. A quick look in the master bedroom revealed that while I might have been the one who bought the home, a backpacking vagrant had already moved in.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By plaza249 - 06/02/2016 02:05 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I was riding around on my skateboard when I passed by a lady. she yelled at me to watch where I'm going. I turned around to tell her off, I rode into a fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By YoungestAreFavorites - 06/02/2016 01:57 - United States - Brandon

Today, my little brother who is only 12, stayed up until 4am playing his online game. When I was 16, if I wasn't off the phone and asleep by 10, my mom would take my phone for 2 weeks. When I told my mom about my brother, she told me I needed to, "mind my own damn business." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Sahib G - 06/02/2016 01:46 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, at work cleaning the bathrooms. Just finished cleaning the one until some guy comes in and shits all of the toilet. It's everywhere and it was just cleaned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Marie3853 - 06/02/2016 01:44 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was let go from my salon job because I wasn't very talkative and "didn't fit in with the atmosphere". I was only hired a week ago and haven't met too many people to talk to. The manager said I didn't do anything fire-able, but just didn't fit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By fwatdunt - 06/02/2016 01:33 - United States - Johnston

Today, a friend and I were joking around about him stuttering through a sentence he was saying earlier. As we walked into class, still making fun of his incapability of pronouncing the word correctly, the teacher asked us, "You guys are aware that my son has a severe stutter, right?" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By IcyMask - 06/02/2016 01:17 - United States - Washington

Today, I got jealous when my gf got hit on at her work. She told me to shake it off and it doesn't mean anything. I also got hit on that day to my surprise and I told her. She got jealous, I told her not to worry. Now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one of my colleagues hit another with a sausage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 90

Today, I interviewed at a hospital and shadowed on the unit. Within two hours, I had been splashed with blood, and witnessed a young patient abruptly die, imprinting a horrible memory. Traumatized, and not even selected for hire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 146

Today, I got a text from my ex-girlfriend asking me if I wanted an old college hoodie back. I said yes and thank you, and she replied saying, "Well I don’t respect you, so don’t contact me again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 109

Today, I jacked off out of boredom and loneliness to pictures on Instagram of girls in their hot Halloween costumes, because I'm such a loser that I haven't been invited to a party, and have no one that wants me to go with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 441

Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 118

You deserved it 11 045

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 1 851