Nearly FMLs

By H - 07/02/2016 11:28 - Australia

Today, My teacher asked where I was going to work because I had to skip class to go to an interview I said MacDonalds and she told me I should aim a little lower. FML

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By Anon. - 07/02/2016 11:20 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to finally approach my boyfriend about our compatibility and a future together. After truly expressing myself to him, about my concerns and hopes, and getting very upset, promptly he went to sleep. Apparently my tears aren't enough to get in the way of his sleeping schedule. FML

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By itsFishleyy - 07/02/2016 11:00 - United States - Price

Today, I was looking at used cars and the salesman (who happens to be my mom's boyfriend's dad) looked at my ass, smiled creepily and said, "you have a chubby bum don't you?" I don't know what's worse, what he said or that my mom told me to take the compliment. Fml.

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By BadLuckSymbol - 07/02/2016 10:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after a round of very spontaneous and adventurous day sex, my boyfriend and I came downstairs to find his brother sitting on our couch. We'd forgotten to lock the front door and he definitely heard enough to know what we were up to. FML

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By Kristijan - 07/02/2016 10:49 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while I was jacking off, I came early and jizzed all over my brand new iPhone 6. It doesn't work anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 10:45 - Australia

Today, I accidentally flooded the rental property I live in. I have a house inspection tomorrow and it's nowhere near dry. It's 9:45pm. FML

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By cheeeksss - 07/02/2016 10:37 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was drifting off to sleep and sliding off my bed. I jolted myself awake before falling off, and in doing so, slapped my own boob. Not only that, the slap turned me on. I was so horny, I couldn't fall back asleep. FML

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By anonymous - 07/02/2016 10:01 - United States - Cedar City

Today, my best friend was telling me a story about her boyfriend. She just happened to tell me where their make out spot was. That wouldn't have been bad If it wasn't the same spot he would take me when we are dating. FML

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By BigGirl - 07/02/2016 09:42 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was getting of the bus and a guy who was waiting to get on, apparently just couldn't wait any longer and pushed me aside all while looking me straight in the eye saying: " excuse me sir". I'm a 17 year old girl, but apparently I don't look it. FML.

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By where did it come from - 07/02/2016 09:32 - Canada

Today, after staying up late, I decided to finally go to bed. Upon getting cozy, a sudden smell drives me to turn the lights back on, only to find that a stink bug must've gotten caught in my blankets and sprayed in self defense. It's 1:30am, my room smells like death, and we have no Febreze. FML.

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By TryingToSleep - 07/02/2016 09:26 - Canada

Today, after staying up late I finally decided to go to bed. Upon getting cozy, a sudden smell drives me to turn the light back on, only to find that a stink bug must've gotten tangled in my blankets and sprayed in self defense. It's 1:30am, my room smells like death, and we have no Febreze.

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By weirdoe - 07/02/2016 09:17 - Italy - Palermo

Today, the only thing that kept me hard during sex with my wife was thinking about my own naked body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 533

You deserved it 9 203

By heartbroken - 07/02/2016 08:22 - United States - Seattle

Today, after months of flirting with an old friend of mine online, she got a boyfriend. She lives on the other side of the world and I've just spent over $1500 to extend my holiday to come and see her. I thought I meant something to her. Clearly not. FML

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By theyreoutthere - 07/02/2016 08:22 - New Zealand

Today, my 5 year old got scared of Rhys Darbys character in the X Files reboot. This would be fine if my extended family was not from New Zealand. She is now afraid of the kiwi accent. FML

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By Because you keep saying no.... - 07/02/2016 08:16 - United States - Birmingham

Today, after previously expressing my love to my crush multiple times and him rejecting me, but wanting to remain friends, he actually had the balls to say, "You're so funny and adorable! Why are you still single?" Fml

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By youngatheart - 07/02/2016 08:10 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my husband showed me his phone background. I was happy that it was a picture of me, but I asked why he picked on from four years ago. He said "You were prettier back then. Now you're old." I'm only 22.

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By sleeplessvomit - 07/02/2016 07:02 - United States

Today, my mother noticed my recent loss in weight from the severe food poisoning I got 3 days ago, I can hardly eat or sleep without vomiting but at least I "finally get up early AND started looking bearable." Thanks mom.FML

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By Ugh - 07/02/2016 06:58 - United States - Worcester

Today, my mom took my little sisters to get their ears pierced at a kiosk in the mall. When I asked her why she didn't bring them to my piercing studio, she said "what, like there's a difference?" FML.

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By You're welcome - 07/02/2016 06:22 - United States - Mcallen

Today, after chasing down a customer to give him his items he left behind he thanked me by saying " you needed the exercise anyway."FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 06:01 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I was told by a now ex-friend that I made him feel awkward and he didn't want to talk anymore. I'd been friends with all of his siblings and family before I started talking getting close to him, and visit their house often to hang out. FML.

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 05:58 - Curacao - Willemstad

Today, i was nearly knocked off my bike by a passing driver who was tailgating and on the phone. After i gestured him to put the phone down, i saw the police uniform. He then proceeds to drive me off the road so he can cuss at me some more. FML

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By codi_9269 - 07/02/2016 05:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I didn't want to poop at work because I think that's just gross. Guess the diarrhea I have had other thoughts. I didn't make it to the toilet in time. FML

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By PendingProdigy - 07/02/2016 05:40 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was having lunch in the airport burger king during my lunch break, absentmindedly I blew up my burger bag and popped it... LOUDLYYY. I was then fired for causing a panic, after a LENGTHY search courtesy of TSA. FML

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By PingusTheDingus - 07/02/2016 05:35 - United States - Marietta

Today, I managed to break my chin on the bottom of a urinal. FML

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By anotherhuman - 07/02/2016 05:32 - United States

Today, my baby ball python wouldn't eat his live or frozen mouse. Giving up, I left the room to put the mice away. Meanwhile, my little brother thought Orochimaru just had expensive taste and fed him his gerbil. Now Orochimaru won't eat anything else. There goes $40 every time it's feeding time. FML

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By forced friendship. - 07/02/2016 05:16 - United States - Bristow

Today, my boyfriend told me that my bestfriend had sent him nudes. After confronting her about it, she yelled at me saying that "You should've known I liked him before you." FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Clemmons

Today, my sister half-jokingly tried to set me up with her boyfriend's brother, telling me all the things we had in common. I'm in college, and he's 12. And yes, we spent an hour talking about Pokemon card tournaments and custom Minecraft skins. Just like she predicted. FML.

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By kamryno - 07/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Boise

Today, I was diagnosed with PCOS, or women's mustache syndrome. My brother won't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Iola

Today, I was surfing the web and found a video of me and my ex's sex tape. I found out he broke into my house and uploaded it.FML

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By firstoops - 07/02/2016 04:20 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was going well until I accidentally stuck my finger in her butt. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 084

You deserved it 1 168

Today, we are severely understaffed, and I'm very often the only person working my shift. There's a yuppie who comes in and complains when we have to pause service due to shift change. He does this every day, and I'd had enough, so I slid him an application ,and told him to fill it out, wait, or leave. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 154

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 653

You deserved it 4 178

Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screamed, "Stop winking at me, don't even think about it you ugly fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 986

You deserved it 2 982

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 567

You deserved it 13 452

Today, I am five days postpartum and my sister came over to see me. After she refused to help me with dishes or do the laundry or grab dinner, I angrily asked why she even came. She replied, "Uh… to meet the baby? You're not entitled to my help, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 742