Nearly FMLs

By BadDayLane - 06/02/2016 01:14 - United States - Valencia

Today, my classmates thought this new type of candy was soap, I tried to tell them that in fact it was not, so I popped one in my mouth only to realize it really was soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ididnotwanttoknow - 06/02/2016 01:08 - Austria - Vienna

Today, at a family wedding, my cousin interrupted me chatting with his new girlfriend, to tell us a story about his wonderful, classy, super cool recent ex, who apparently used to enjoy outdoor sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By PingusTheDingus - 06/02/2016 00:59 - United States - Marietta

Today, I got sent to the principal's office at school because I had downloaded Google Chrome on the school's computer. The principal claimed that I had caused the school computer network to get a virus. Yeah, totally me. Not the kid sitting next to me trying to browse PornHub or anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LovelifeUnxipped - 06/02/2016 00:49 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after seven months, I finally decided to ask my crush on a date. The good news: She's single. The bad news: She's moving to Alaska. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 00:44 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my manager plays favorites so much that the sales rep who is constantly losing projects and money for the company is safe from being laid off but everyone else who does more could get axed. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 00:42 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was attempting to conquer my anxiety, and decided to take my one year old daughter for a stroller ride through the mall. A man at one of the kiosks asked how old she was, and I got so scared that I replied, "I don't know." FML

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You deserved it 0

By scared15yearold - 06/02/2016 00:40 - United States - Longmont

Today my 60 year old teacher leaned in close, tried to put his arms around me, and whispered, "High school girls are so pretty. You're such an Asian, too. Ugh, your culture's obsession with grades and intelligence is ruining America. Can you understand me? By the way, do you think I'm handsome?" FML

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You deserved it 0

By Married - 06/02/2016 00:09 - United States - Jacksonville

I'm getting married in a few days. All of my friends and family have known about this for a year and a half and said they were eagerly awaiting the big day. All of the RSVPs came back. All declined. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 06/02/2016 00:05 - United States - Macomb

Today, my best friend who I'm in love with started dating my fuck buddy. FML

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You deserved it 0

By fibromylifya - 05/02/2016 23:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I saw a doctor to confirm my fibromyalgia diagnosis. The doctor confirmed it and said there wasn't much she could do but if I needed acupuncture to call her. She denied half the commonly accepted symptoms exist. It's so bad I'm having to drop out of my college classes. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 23:47 - United States - The Colony

Today, I'm having the best birthday ever! My pet lizard has died, my best friend just told me that she wants to end our friendship, and my big brother, who I am very close with and look up to, has walked out of my life and is no longer speaking to me. I've also been diagnosed with depression. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 23:46 - United States - Richmond

Today my little sister threw knifes at me and told me that I should cut myself. She is 5 years old. FML

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You deserved it 0

By RandomJam124 - 05/02/2016 23:43 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my current roommate is giving me the silent treatment and my friend keeps yelling at me, begging me, and bringing on the water works over housing for next year. They get screwed over if I don't live with them, but they don't understand why I say it would be too emotionally taxing. FML

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You deserved it 0

By LordBubbleWrap - 05/02/2016 23:28 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I went to take my puppy to the dog park so he could see his parents again. Only the guy who owns the parents decided it would be a great idea to bring my ex. Let the awkwardness just ooze in. FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonUK - 05/02/2016 23:24 - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today I found out the male colleague who started working 2 years after me at the company was promoted to manager. He got the promotion at the same time the company told me they couldn't pay me more even though they acknowledged they're underpaying me for my role.

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You deserved it 0

By theworstluck - 05/02/2016 23:18 - United States - Pomona

Today, I lost a duffel bag that I borrowed $30 from my dad to buy. I had bought it to start carrying chips to sell at school. I had also used the money to buy the chips. The chips were inside the bag. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Speed Demon - 05/02/2016 23:15 - United States - Canton

Today, while going 20 over, I passed one of those signs that tells you how fast you're going and flipped it off. I promised the officer that I was flipping off the sign, not him. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Azusi - 05/02/2016 23:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received an email from my college saying I'd won a scholarship I applied for, and that the rest of my college fees would be paid by the school. In celebration, I bought my friends and roommates dinner. Turns out that they sent the email to the wrong person. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Bush_Did_711 - 05/02/2016 22:52 - United States - Methuen

Today, We got the first snowstorm all year. As I was shoveling my driveway, I started to get an asthmatic reaction, so I decided to take a break. When I went inside, my dad asked me what I was doing, so I told him what happened. He then proceeded to tell me to "Work through the pain" Thanks dad. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ReiracsNeve - 05/02/2016 22:51 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 017

You deserved it 1 835

By anon - 05/02/2016 22:46 - United States - Morristown

Today, after my girlfriend constantly fantasizing about having a threesome, I gave in. After it happened she confessed that she never wants to do it again due to my impressive ability to suck a man's dick. This happened after I confessed how much I enjoyed it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Richymoni7972 - 05/02/2016 22:42 - United States - Beloit

Today, I received the latest of several emails stating how qualified I am for current positions from a company I was terminated from in september after reporting a female Co worker for putting her hand in my pants pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ouchmyvagina - 05/02/2016 22:22 - United States - Woodland

Today, my boyfriend decided to have sex with me while I was still asleep. Little did he know I had a tampon in. I am currently sitting in the hospital waiting to get operated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By MissedTime - 05/02/2016 22:20 - United States - Lake City

Today, I found out my grandmother has cancer. Rather, she's had cancer for three years, but hadn't told me because I've been having medical issues for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By KittyCrumpet - 05/02/2016 22:13 - United States - Madison

Today, I got served papers saying me and my former roommate owe our old landlord over $3000. He's taking us to small claims court over damages to the apartment that SHE caused. They won't let me out of the judgement because my name was on the lease too. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 22:06 - United States - Houston

Today, I grilled some burgers for lunch. When I offered my son one, he replied "Are they vegan?". He's 3 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 21:30 - Australia - Geelong

Today, at our annual staff awards, a coworker told me he'd voted for me for 'Best new Rookie'. I would have been flattered... had I not been working there for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Zufallian - 05/02/2016 21:20 - United States - Portage

Today, I asked my mom if she could take me in to get tested for OCD and possibly get medication since my friends say I may have it and all my symptoms match. All she did was laugh and tell me that medicine will do nothing and offered Christian counseling instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 20:59 - United States - Irving

Today, at work I had to unload a truck alone, I ended up peeing my pants and had to pretend I spilled a gallon of water on myself until I could leave 3 hours later. fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By mortified - 05/02/2016 20:40 - United States

Today, at my house, my boyfriend stuck his hand down my pants. He kept boasting about how "wet" I was down there. He finally pulled his hand out of my pants. The horror on his face when his fingers were covered in blood is mortifying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 158

You deserved it 4 867

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 537

You deserved it 818

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 720

You deserved it 537

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 348

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 435

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 146

You deserved it 5 865