Nearly FMLs

By kelliebrew - 07/02/2016 01:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got 5 days of detention for "starting a food fight." I tossed a banana to my friend and she threw it at the floor. FML

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By anon - 07/02/2016 01:23 - United States - Stamford

Today, at 32 years old, I finally took my driver's test. The guy testing me said I did really well in most of the areas, only to fail me because I initially forgot to put on my seatbelt. The next date that I can be tested is in five months. FML

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By Pride of the Working Class - 07/02/2016 01:17 - United States - New York

Today, after 5 years straight in our company, our contracts ended and we finally get to go home for the first time back to our countries of origin. Most excited is a fellow worker of ours whom noted that he has not even seen his little Edward, who was born 3 years after he started this job. FML

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By red_owl - 07/02/2016 01:08 - United States - Macomb

Today, I found out that after months of working my ass off to get a good grades they hit my GPA as if I had failed because I missed 15 days of class. I missed those days because I have a chronic illness, my school knows this and said there is nothing they can do. I want to go to medical school. FML

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By FuckingListen - 07/02/2016 01:07 - United States - Reston

Today, I spent 2 hours trying to convince my sister that no, her boyfriend was not interested in having sex with his step sister. She hung up when I wouldn't agree with her psychotic delusion. She called me an hour later shrieking about how he broke up with her and why didn't I stop her. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 01:02 - United States - Fairborn

Today, I finally went to a professional salon and got my hair highlighted and styled, and left feeling ecstatic, confident, and oh so happy... Until the snickering started. Two hours later a nice old lady informed me the stylist bleached the back of my shirt too.. In a rather phallic shape. FML

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By men, amirite? - 07/02/2016 00:50 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my brother was poking through the bathroom garbage for some reason and encountered used feminine hygiene products. He had an anxiety attack over it so my dad gave me shit and grounded me since I'm the only female in the house. FML.

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 00:49 - United States - Medina

Today, maintenance came to fix the leak in my bathroom that's been on and off for several weeks. We found the source: the upstairs neighbors' toilet was leaking. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 00:26 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today I had my 1 year younger surgeon sister, who I see/talk once a month at most, give me a book titled 'Choose to be Happy'. I've been recently diagnosed bipolar disorder that prevents me from following my chosen profession and barely stay on top of things only through medication. FML

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By Sir_Mitchell15 - 07/02/2016 00:05 - Australia - Bondi

Today, I had to sit in a car for 5 hours. I knew that horrible country music would be played by my parents, so I brought my headphones. What I failed to account for was the fact that the music would be played loud enough for me to feel the vibrations throughout my body. 3 hours left. FML

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By SteveBassist - 06/02/2016 23:56 - United Kingdom - Shepperton

Today, I got rear ended at a set of traffic lights. The moron who hit me said it was because 'my brake lights were too bright and my brakes were too sharp'. I was stationary at the lights. FML

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By LE_JOKER_xx - 06/02/2016 23:54 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, My mother invited my Ex-wife to the family reunion. this wouldn't have been a problem, except I wasn't invited. FML.

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By really.. - 06/02/2016 23:53 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, my dad lectured me on healthy eating. All while he was eating a bag of chocolate. FML

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By Taylor1889 - 06/02/2016 23:20 - United States - Maryville

Today, my mother invited my ex wife to the family reunion. It wouldn't have bothered me because we are still friends but I wasn't invited. fml

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By beautifulmymy - 06/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn't handle being around my bitch mother anymore. FML

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By mouthwashsoap - 06/02/2016 22:54 - United States - Wallingford

Today, my sister was grounded for swearing. How long is she grounded for? Two days. When I was the same age and swore I was grounded too. How long was I grounded for? An entire year. FML

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By ouchabetic - 06/02/2016 22:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while in class, my insulin pump started beeping. Since I have only had it a few days, I forgot how to make it stop. Unfortunately, my teacher must have forgotten I had one, because right as I was about to go to the nurse, she walked over and yanked it right out. I'm still in pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 22:42 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I woke up to an ungodly, reeking shit on the bathroom floor. I knocked on my roommate's door to ask him about it. Red eyed and extremely hung over, he denied any involvement and slammed the door in my face. Explain the trail of shitty toilet paper leading to your door then. FML.

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By Xhifty - 06/02/2016 21:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the heat is broken in my house, and I had a mild cold as a result of sleeping in freezing temperatures overnight. It's still cold and I specifically asked my manager not to put me in the drive thru so it wouldn't get worse. An hour later I was in the window. It got a lot worse. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 21:36 - United States - Morganton

So for the past few months, my married mom has been going out "shopping" quite often. Turns out she's been seeing another man... FML

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By WittyMoron - 06/02/2016 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, me and my wife came home to find that her mother had pierced our one-year old daughter's ears. She can't figure out what she did wrong. FML

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By hannieannie - 06/02/2016 21:19 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I found out my birth mother thinks of my cousin as her own daughter... She gave me my sister and my two brothers up for adoption. FML

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By Mad2512 - 06/02/2016 21:14 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? because I wasn't acting like "my true inner self." I found out later the real reason why was because I look like his anime crush, but dont act like it. FML

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By CliffyB03 - 06/02/2016 21:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, after a year and a half, my boyfriend broke up with me. In the beginning we both agreed if that time were to ever come, to do it in person, since we both see texting as the cowards way. Guess how he broke up with me? FML

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By trill707 - 06/02/2016 21:10 - United States - Fort Bragg

Today, my mom told me she approves of me dating her 40 year old friend whom has a 10 year old daughter. I'm almost 20, she's old enough to be my sister. Then proceeded to tell me she won't run a background check on him. FML

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By 1739 - 06/02/2016 20:57 - Canada - Brockville

Today, I was in music class and some kid with anger management issues started acting up and yelled at the teacher and started throwing chairs at people. Normally, this would be a bit interesting to watch if I wasn't one of the victims of his chair attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 20:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, like every other day, my self esteem is so low that I actually enjoy getting catcalled because then at least somone notices me. FML

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By me,myself,I - 06/02/2016 20:28 - United States

Today, I was trying to fax something for 3 hours and kept getting a busy signal. Turns out I was faxing myself the whole time. Yeah....I felt super smart after that. FML.

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By anonymous - 06/02/2016 20:25 - Canada - Stephenville

Today, I had drunk sex with my roommate who I just found out is in love with me. We have to live together for the next five months, FML.

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By BlueBaronBitch - 06/02/2016 20:10 - United States - New York

Today, I went ice skating with a group of friends. One decided it would be funny to push me, causing me to fall over. Once I stood up, I went to go chase them when I fell over again and bruised my tailbone. The entire rink saw. FML

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my mother still hasn't figured out that my ex is a manipulative cow who has no interest in a relationship with her, apart from her usefulness as a babysitter, and sympathetic cash machine, but when I try to tell her that, she gets mad at me. The kid isn't even mine, it's from the guy she cheated with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 108

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

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You deserved it 16 805

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

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You deserved it 3 100

Today, my girl called me a "brainless, insensitive prick" Why? Because I wanted to surprise her with flowers since she’s been on vacation for 3 weeks and I hadn’t seen her. She was badly sunburned. I’d bought sunflowers. FML

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You deserved it 120

Today, the almost 80 year-old man who almost became my mom's stepfather is in the hospital again. This man is not only a raging alcoholic (emphasis on "raging") who by all means should not be alive, but he's also pushed away everyone who cares about him. He still expects us to drop everything for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 121

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

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You deserved it 12 612