Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 07/02/2016 18:35 - United States - Flemington

Today, I decided that it would be a great time to go food shopping. Forgetting I'm basically shorter then all of human kind, and the Super Bowl is tonight, I unfortunately got trampled and basically thrown into a shelf, and landing right on my ankle. now I'm in a cast. FML.

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By people11 - 07/02/2016 18:28 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, i was sitting in my exam and really had to fart. As I couldn't hold it in I slowly let the fart ease out. As I smelt the reek of my gas I looked back and saw a hot guy look me in the eyes and cover his nose. As he tried not let the disgusting smell get to him FML

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By Kevin_Kestel - 07/02/2016 18:20 - United States

Today, like every Sunday I was forced to participate in my religion because my parents threatened my well being again. Well by religion I mean cult. Nothing says weekend fun like lamb sacrifice. Fml.

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By Wingman527 - 07/02/2016 18:10 - United States

Today, my brother was caught cheating on his girlfriend. He was cheating on her with my girlfriend. FML

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By Cheese Master - 07/02/2016 18:03 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I kept finding eggs smashed on the floor. Turns out, my friend had brought a dozen chickens into my house to surprise me and they all decided to lay an egg and now he's "on vacation." FML

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By youdontsay123456 - 07/02/2016 17:56 - United States - Arlington

Today, my violas bow, that costed $75, hair snapped off for no reason. I just bought the bow a month ago, and when I bought it I told them the hair was sticking out at the top, and they said not to worry about it. I took it in to get it fixed, and paid $100 because it's not "covered". FML

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By anon - 07/02/2016 17:49 - United States

Today, my ex introduced me to his new girlfriend and their 2 year old daughter. Two years ago we were celebrating our one year anniversary. FML

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By Attackofthebeans - 07/02/2016 17:45 - United States - Chicago

Today, i found out that the only reason my sister got a fourwheeler is because she likes it when you start it up and it vibrates, especially when the clutch is up her vagina......FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 17:43 - Netherlands - Brunssum

Today, after struggling to find a job for 2 years, I started working as a cleaning lady at a dentist's office. The staff room floor was littered with used q-tips, a tampon and enough aerosolised deodorant to make me wonder how medical professionals can be more filthy than my three young kids. FML.

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By maultaschen - 07/02/2016 17:43 - Germany - Kirchheim

Today i was enjoying a nice day recovering at the local hot pool's in germany. As it was time to leave and i went to shower myself off in the men's changing room. I opened the door to be the sight i will never forget. two old german men were at play because one of them "dropped the soap" FML

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By OkayMom - 07/02/2016 17:40 - United States - Medford

Today, My mom called me a lazy bitch that doesn't do anything around the house, a slut, a disappointment to the family, and a series of other hurtful things all because I wouldn't eat the fried eggs she made for me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By hotpinkcrayola - 07/02/2016 17:27 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I had to play a loved up princess on stage in front of 140 people, ten hours after being dumped. FML

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By The Dog Owner - 07/02/2016 17:21 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, I normally tickle my girlfriend and our dog barks and defends her. But this morning the dog confused tickles with morning sex, jumped on the bed and bit my ass. FML

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You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 17:06 - United States - Omaha

Today, like every morning, my cat appeared out of nowhere to dunk her paw in my coffee the moment I set it down. Since she's a cat, I'm not sure if she likes coffee or just wants to fuck with me. FML.

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By 1739 - 07/02/2016 17:02 - Canada - Milton

Today, I went out to eat some food with my friends, the resteraunt we went to was filled with little kids fooling around, the wait was too long. Then the food finally came, and some little shit came running and bumped into the waiter causing the food to fall all over me. FML

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By omfg - 07/02/2016 16:51 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my parents have been loudly arguing about their broken relationship, including details about them having had no sex for two years. FML

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By $$screwed - 07/02/2016 16:50 - United States - Waterbury

Today, after four years of college, three state exams, teaching certificate, and a year of searching, I finally was given a long term sub position. For $55 a day. With prep and grading, that's $6.10 an hour. I'd make more on unemployment.

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By vanilla_blossom - 07/02/2016 16:46 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got more than I bargained for when I decided to study Computer Science. I thought it would be nice to work with cute computer nerds all day, but now I find that I can't concentrate during class because I can't stop fantasizing about my professor. FML

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By Alice18 - 07/02/2016 16:22 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today my 15 year old, 6ft brother strangled me and beat me up for turning down the TV. When I went through to my mum with a black eye and bloody lip crying she put her fingers in her ears ignoring me. Every time I bring up anger management she says it's got nothing to do with me -the victim! FML

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By HoboMeth - 07/02/2016 15:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, my girlfriend won her martial arts tournament. I went to give her a high five and she instinctively broke my arm. FML

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By missedchances - 07/02/2016 15:17 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was at the first JV practice for badminton. The first day coaches always look for people for varsity. My friend and I have equal skill. My friend got selected to be varsity. I didn't get varsity because I was forced to feed birdies to the coach and didn't get a chance to hit. FML

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By BlueBaronBitch - 07/02/2016 15:01 - United States - New York

Today, my sister is home with the flu. When I brought her a trash can for if she felt sick, she decided I was a better option and sprayed me. I've taken about 3 showers but the smell of bile is still with me. FML

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By EwMilkyTea - 07/02/2016 14:58

Today, my mum ran out of things to complain about, so she shouted at me for pouring milk in her tea and made me make a fresh batch. She then bitched at me for NOT pouring milk in it. FML.

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By thefoolish1 - 07/02/2016 14:36 - United States - Conroe

Today, being 34 weeks pregnant with my first child I found out my (ex)boyfriend of 7yrs cheated on me. I don't have a vehicle or income at the moment due to me having to leave work early because of my health but tons of bills of course. FML

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By theregoesfivedollars - 07/02/2016 14:31 - United States - Richmond

Today, I paid extra to wash my sheets at the laundromat. Not an hour after putting them on the bed, my boyfriend's dog had left a huge wet drool puddle on them from where she had licked her crotch. FML

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By RedeemedDemon - 07/02/2016 13:46 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my mother found and looked through all and yes, I mean ALL of my sexts to my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 13:06 - Italy - Vedano Al Lambro

Today, I woke up after having yet another dream about peanut butter. I can't find peanut butter anywhere, but I'm craving it so badly that I'm fantasizing about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 12:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was filming on my quadcopter and I got a sweet shot of a topless girl sunbathing. Too bad it was my sister. FML

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By screwed - 07/02/2016 12:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend must've been really horny, after randomly making moves on me, she didn't hear me say, let me get a condom, or when I said "get off, I'm going to cum". Guess who just dropped half a paycheck on plan b? FML

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By PotatoesAndCake - 07/02/2016 11:59 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Emlyn

Today, the man I've been in love with for eight years, told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Too bad he's married and has a kid. FML.

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The Top

Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 1 043

Today, my 21-year-old cat, who has learned when I go to bed and waits in my bedroom for me every night, was waiting for me as usual last night. She got on top of me and I fell asleep pretty fast. When I woke up, she was still there, so I decided to wait until she moved. It took me an hour to realize she'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 119

Today, I was promised that I wouldn't have to work late because I had tomorrow off for my birthday. My coworkers decided that none of them want to work late, and that I could do it. So I am stuck working late and have to come in on my birthday, which I had requested off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 246

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

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You deserved it 113 312

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 166

You deserved it 4 041

Today, I told my friend that my new neighbor's name is Sandra and "that's pretty much all I know." She responded with, "You're right, Sandra is a pretty name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 149