Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 08/02/2016 00:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was driving home from the last vacation I took with my husband before we expand our family, not only did he admit he was cheating but my car key broke in the ignition and now we are stuck in the middle of nowhere. FML

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By School is awkward now - 07/02/2016 23:59 - United States - Wilson

Today, I went to a swim meet. I knew my suit was too small but I went nevertheless. When I started my race, my suit split. It was only after I finished and got out did I realize that my upper body was showing, fully. I'm a girl and was swimming backstroke in front of over 200 boys I knew. FML

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By bestfriendofboyfriend - 07/02/2016 23:56 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my boyfriend was fingering me when his bestfriend knocked on his door. We fixed ourselves and let him in. After while of just talking my boyfriend's bestfriend decided to lick his hand. Now, the first guy to ever taste me has no idea about it. Fml

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By bloody cough - 07/02/2016 23:52 - United States - King George

Today, I'm on my period. I also have a sore throat. Every time I cough, I feel another stream of blood exit my vagina. FML

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By 2embarrassed4u - 07/02/2016 23:46

Today, my family is having people over for a Super Bowl party. I wanted to finish the episode of the L Word I was watching (with headphones) before I joined them. About two minutes into it, some strangers flung open my door for absolutely no reason at all. It was during a lesbian sex scene. FML

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You deserved it 0

By screwhw - 07/02/2016 23:43 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, I checked my phone to switch a song after studying for 4 hours. Right then my mom walked in and proceeded to lecture me for another hour about how to "efficiently study". FML

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By anonymous - 07/02/2016 23:16 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I just had a date with a pretty, 30 yr old woman I met on tinder. We ate out at T.G.I Friday's close by and i decided to take her home. We were talking and I noticed a big bulge in her pants.FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 07/02/2016 22:43 - United States - Summerville

Today, I remembered I had forgotten to take my birth control. As my boyfriend came inside me. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By jojocircus19 - 07/02/2016 22:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum has been sitting around all day while I did all the chores. Upon being asked to do the washing up, right after I had done all the laundry, I asked if my mum could help. She then screamed at me for being a lazy shit and her having to do all the jobs. This is a daily occurrence. FML

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You deserved it 0

By PingusTheDingus - 07/02/2016 21:55 - United States - Marietta

Today, I accidentally walked in on my 14-year-old brother jerking off. Not only that, but I also caught a glimpse of his chosen fap material. He had photoshopped some porn picture he found to make it look like my father was fucking me in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

By FalloutScrolls - 07/02/2016 21:55 - United States - West Bend

Today, I finally got my wife to play Skyrim. She has already lost track of time and forgot to give our children lunch. I've created a monster. FML

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You deserved it 0

By drbobbz - 07/02/2016 21:55 - United States - Ellerbe

Today, my "feminist" female roommate came home from work, grabbed the remote from me, flipped over to her show and then casually asked me to make her a sandwich. FML

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You deserved it 0

By mominlaw - 07/02/2016 21:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I quit my job on the road because my fiance thought I was cheating on her; I wasn't. I also found out that every sexy pic she sent me was originally intended for another guy. Same guy who's apparently had quite a few slumber parties at my house for the last few months. FML

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You deserved it 0

By can u not - 07/02/2016 21:38 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my sister asked me how many times do I have sex with my boyfriend. Being that I trust her, I told her that we make love more than once at night and sometimes even in the mornings. Now she won't stop asking more questions and is actually asking for tips. FML

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By tigereye11 - 07/02/2016 21:31 - United States - Omaha

Today, My sister stole my phone, disabled it for two hours, and hid it. After an hour of looking for it I found it. While I was looking for it she stole my wallet, and went ice skating with her friends. She paid. FML

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You deserved it 0

By side bitch - 07/02/2016 21:30 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, I found out my name in my boyfriend's phone is "side bitch." FML

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By Julia - 07/02/2016 21:19 - United States

Today, I waited until last minute to start shopping for the Super Bowl, wearing my Broncos jersey. When I got to the store a group of teens didn't let me in because of the jersey. They were all wearing Panthers jerseys. My husband is going to kill me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By HeadlessSparrow - 07/02/2016 21:19

Today, I was playing a game called Adult Loaded Questions, where you had to write down an answer based on the question asked. When I had to answer to "Name something sexy about you," I couldn't think of anything. FML

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By wtfallday - 07/02/2016 20:55 - United States - Austin

Today, I was hopeful that this year would be better but turns out that I will be owing money to the IRS, I'm in need of new glasses and my boyfriend was just involved in a car accident. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 20:52 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I finally decided to go to a bar I got drunk and had sex with a girl. Turns out she was a he. FML

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By no house - 07/02/2016 20:38 - United States - Germantown

Today, my 8 year-old daughter was collecting the mail. She decided to throw away all of it, including our mortgage bill. Why? She thought it would prevent me and my wife from being stressed anymore.

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By jackel_love - 07/02/2016 20:19 - South Sudan

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, I had one of the most intense long lasting orgasm of my life by fantasizing about being able to sleep in until noon tomorrow on my day off. He is currently on top of the world feeling like a champion and I am currently feeling guilty and boring. FML.

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By LE_JOKER_xx - 07/02/2016 20:11

Today, My brother found out that i was a stripper. When he bought my parents to the club, they bitched me out, then said, "If you're going to be a stripper, at least do it right.". FML.

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By PingusTheDingus - 07/02/2016 20:05 - United States - Ringling

Today, my pretty diverse friend group and I were coming up with joke nicknames for each other. We all call the half-black dude Brown Man, so we decided to base them on skin color. What did they come up with for my nickname? Milk. FML

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By fmycar - 07/02/2016 19:58 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my car broke down completely. Thankfully the lemon laws protect car buyers for 15 days. Today is the 16th day. FML

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By Jasper - 07/02/2016 19:57 - United States - Louisville

Today, my girlfriend and I had been talking about going to the movies. I asked if her parents could take her there since I couldn't because I was too busy. She then told me after a long 3 years of being together that she had never told her parents she had a boyfriend. FML.

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By TheycallmeAdam - 07/02/2016 19:19 - United States - Hollywood

Today, after being in an argument with him, my brother happened to delete my research paper for school off my personal laptop. When I confronted him, he claimed it was "just an accident" and my family is telling me to suck it up since he didn't do it on purpose. What a coincidence. FML

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By poopybloodygirl - 07/02/2016 19:10 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, At work the water was shut off. Today is also the day my body decided to have explosive diarrhea. I'm on my period, so when I went to wipe my arm got covered in blood and poop. After hiding out in the bathroom I finally had to call my coworker for baby wipes and hand sanitizer. FML.

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By lifeinBelgium - 07/02/2016 18:46 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my guy flatmate left our flat in a rush and asked me to throw out his trash because he didn't have enough time to do it himself. I was so shocked to find that half the bags were filled with used, crumpled tissues that I dropped one. Now, there is a bit of him all over the kitchen floor. FML

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By balakeyyy - 07/02/2016 18:44 - United States - Pflugerville

Today, I finally grew the balls to get up on the roof and take down my Christmas lights, being scared of heights. I climbed up and found a black widow web, turned and fell off the house. FML

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The Top

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 555

You deserved it 5 438

Today, whilst working in a law firm, I took a call from a criminal, demanding that we apply for bail as he didn't like being in jail. When I tried to explain no one likes being in jail, he became angry and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 172

Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 204

You deserved it 1 428

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 092

You deserved it 2 708

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 158

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 259

You deserved it 499