Nearly FMLs

By accidental insest - 08/02/2016 06:35 - Australia - Blackwood

Today, my four-months-pregnant girlfriend and I threw a party for our families to get to know each other, and I was planning to propose at the party. Instead, we learned that she was the result of my father having an affair with her mother. FML

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By concerned daddy my ass - 08/02/2016 06:19 - United States

Today, I'm 18wks pregnant and left the hospital after staying the weekend due to bleeding. I called the father of my child letting him know the baby was okay. He said he didn't care. FML

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By anon - 08/02/2016 05:54 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out my dad bought a house. This wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't of been secretly living in it with my evil step mother for weeks. FML

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By I cry - 08/02/2016 05:52 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, my dog got intimate with a girl dog at my local park. I got jealous of my dog because I'm turning 19 in a couple of months and I'm still a virgin. FML

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By sad but tru - 08/02/2016 05:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got more pleasure out of popping a giant pimple on my boob than I do from my boyfriend in bed. FML

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By Mad_Maxx - 08/02/2016 05:46 - United States - Hammond

Today, while taking a hot shower to help with the soreness throughout my body, I had an asthma attack. My sister had to bust the door open to save me. FML

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By Anonymous - 08/02/2016 05:38 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my mother I'm genderqueer. She responded with "I don't want to get into this right now". I'm 26. It's not like I rushed into this conversation. FML

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By okay then - 08/02/2016 05:33 - United States - Edmond

Today, I woke up horny from a wet dream where I got to feel up Katy Perry and eventually start dating her. I'm a girl. FML.

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By anonymous - 08/02/2016 05:26 - United States - Riverview

Today, I woke up from spending the night with my boyfriend for the first time. How I woke up? From him farting and making the whole bed vibrate, and him with a big ass grin on his face. FML.

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By bored - 08/02/2016 05:26 - Australia - Artarmon

Today, after filling out a two hour survey for work, my roommate tripped and spilt water all over me and my laptop just before I pressed submit causing it to turn off. I've already missed the due date twice for this survey. FML.

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By aw man - 08/02/2016 05:22 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I realized that I have multiple gray hairs. This would be perfectly fine and even understandable. If I weren't fourteen years old. FML

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By sheddingsomeskin - 08/02/2016 05:17 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I realized that I need to start moisturizing more often. I found this out when I shaved my legs, and more skin came off than hair. FML

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By EK - 08/02/2016 05:13 - United States - Longview

Today I realized that my parents absolutely hate me for no reason. There I am watching a movie in the living room when with my sister when they come in and tell me to go away. I wasn't doing anything wrong. My parents just don't like being around me. FML

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By Uncle Caitlyn - 08/02/2016 05:12 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I was about to receive my first blowjob. I couldn't get it up. FML

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By anonymous - 08/02/2016 05:10 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, my friend thought it would be fun to learn how to curse in Chinese in my Chinese class. Unsurprisingly, the teacher cursed at the kid in Chinese. FML

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By GoodLuckGamingNowM8 - 08/02/2016 05:06 - United States

Today, I finally bought my GTX 970 graphics card for my computer, which I have saved up and put off buying for a year. It doesn't fit. FML.

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By rootbeercheese8 - 08/02/2016 05:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while working at Walgreens, someone bought condoms. Who? My moms boyfriend. FML

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By Ex-Friend - 08/02/2016 04:57 - United States - Greenville

Today, I got into a fight with my best friend. He told everyone all the secrets I've told him over the years. Including that I'm gay. FML

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By scaredhealth - 08/02/2016 04:56 - United States - Oxnard

Today, Due to an eating disorder I had as a teen where I ate uncontrollably, which was in part brought on by being bullied when I ate, I am now 24 and absolutely terrified to submit my health class assignment where we list all the food we ate for two days. FML.

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By Aeroboss - 08/02/2016 04:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was bitched out by my dad for not reading the rules one last time to prepare for a contest. This would be fine, except I organized the competition and wrote the rules. My dad thinks I'm too stupid to remember something I made from heart. FML

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By Ultrimanius - 08/02/2016 04:39 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, she had gotten up, put her clothes on and said; "Thanks for the sex, I'll be going now. Also I have an STD." What the fuck? FML

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By Ohno - 08/02/2016 04:39 - United States - Little Falls

Today, I was on skype with lots of people. I was casually browsing porn when I accidentally turned on screensharing.FML

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By FredMath - 08/02/2016 04:37 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I decided to take my phone case off to clean it. I walked into the kitchen to grab disinfectant wipes, when my older sister decided to shoot me in the face with her nerf gun. I ended up cracking my screen and my cornea. FML

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By akeide - 08/02/2016 04:34 - United States - Duluth

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during sex, I was on bottom. FML

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By urbanbigfoot - 08/02/2016 04:32 - United States - Pasco

Today, I found out the girl I love, who's virginity I took right before graduation, as well as who I am trying to get things to work out with again, really doesn't care. Apparently her mom got her to think I am a horrible person for sleeping with her, and now I am all of a sudden the bad guy. FML.

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By seriously wtf - 08/02/2016 04:32 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today,I was changing my clothes after a swim and I heard this feminine voice say" I'm watching you."FML

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By KillMe - 08/02/2016 04:28 - United States - Huron

Today, my mother accidentally sent me a video of her pleasuring herself that was supposed to be sent to someone named Tony. My dad's name is Bill. FML

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By Muskrat777 - 08/02/2016 04:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I am thinking about disowning my child. Why? Because I saw him attempting to force feed my 4 year old son his hamster cut in two. The son doing this is 15.

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By why - 08/02/2016 04:22 - United States

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By man - 08/02/2016 04:18 - United States - Lake City

Today, a girl filed a report against me for harassment. Today was also the day she decided to start spreading rumors about me and inserting herself into my life. I tried to file a report of my own; the principal stared at me and said "I don't want this on her file. She's a good kid." FML

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 019

You deserved it 39 627

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 465

You deserved it 42 083

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 307

You deserved it 893

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 403

You deserved it 3 657

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 549

Today, I went to meet a friend for coffee. When I arrived, I mistakenly thought it was a casual meet-up, but apparently, it was a date. I didn’t realize this until she leaned in for a kiss at the end, and I awkwardly offered her a fist bump instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 101