Nearly FMLs

By kitty_Kat777 - 08/02/2016 18:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriends boss came up to me at the dinner and asked me how my hair grew so fast since the last time she saw me and my boyfriend together. My hair has been the same length since I was 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By walid820014 - 08/02/2016 18:39 - Algeria

Today, guests came to our house. As soon as i entered the room where they were, i farted. What made it even more awkward is my son saying "Nice!" loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By 3rdwheel - 08/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came home early and wanted to surprise my girlfriend who was living with my family due to some problems. I did surprise her alright-she didn't expect to be caught cheating with my sister in a heated make-out session. Now I know why she was so eager about sharing a room with her.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By itsemilyc - 08/02/2016 18:35 - United States

Today, I confused the "Dad" and "Daddy" contacts in my phone. Again... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ReiracsNeve - 08/02/2016 18:32 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I went to the doctors office to get a shot. I am a grown man and cried the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By confuzzledqueer - 08/02/2016 18:26 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that gay-sex was not in fact two erected penises in some sort of a dick-fight. I learned this while talking about queer intimacy to my very gay male friend and did not shut up until he showed me what anal sex was on his phone-to the horror of my sister coming my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 08/02/2016 18:25 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was finally thought my 3 day migraine was gone; nope. It's coming back and there is a constant ringing in my right ear that I've had for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By beyondstupid - 08/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Dallas

Today, my apartment complex was told not to run any water for the time being due to a blockage in the pipeline. What was that blockage? Some shit head decided to flush their weave down the toilet.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By yepthisisit - 08/02/2016 18:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while going to the bathroom this morning, the shower suddenly turned on. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Oops - 08/02/2016 17:58 - United States - Towson

Today, while at a friends wedding the bride and he were dancing. The guy next to me at the bar was watching them and I nudged him and said "imagine the father thinking that his sweet little girl is going to get pounded tonight" he looked at me with pain in his eyes, That was the father of the bride

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By selquist - 08/02/2016 17:47 - United States

Today, I was asked to spy on certain employees on my route. Not twenty minutes later my co-worker comes to me and said "I was just asked to give information about your route times" it seems like my workplace has become hostile FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By BurnMyEyesOut - 08/02/2016 17:42 - United Kingdom - Barrow

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mother taking nudes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Karma - 08/02/2016 17:12 - United States - Flowood

Today, my wife got mad at me for leaving the toilet seat up. I made the mistake of laughing when she told me why she got mad, and got what I deserved after I woke up from a nice sleep to use the bathroom and fell in the toilet after my wife purposefully left the seat up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By IcyMask - 08/02/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, my neighbors dog came into my yard whining. I went out to determine why. He had a gash in his back and when I tried to wash it out maggots started crawling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Taylor - 08/02/2016 16:28 - United States

Today, my boss told me to take a work vehicle to get an oil change and tire rotation. On the way to the shop it overheated. My boss is furious with me stating "that truck worked fine the last five years and suddenly when you drive, it breaks down" the truck has almost 400,000 miles on it FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By saifnaqvi11 - 08/02/2016 16:20 - United States - Katy

Today, I got up on a Monday, went too school for 8 hours, got bored out of my mind and finally got on the bus to go home, then I woke up. Turns out I had dreamed the whole thing, and had to do it all over again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By PingusTheDingus - 08/02/2016 15:29 - United States - Marietta

Today, my mom is so bitchy that she yelled at me for 10 minutes because my shoelace was untied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By brendanr16 - 08/02/2016 15:26 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I realized the most action I have ever gotten with another girl is brushing shoulders in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sarcasmismyno1 - 08/02/2016 15:19 - United States - Madison

Today, I tried to Google "i accidentally marked emails as spam" to see how to fix it. I only typed "I accidentally" when Google's drop down suggestions narrowed down to just one option: "I accidentally killed someone." Those results are customized. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By MrCellophane - 08/02/2016 14:12 - United States - Washington

Today, I realized that, even though I've worked here for over two years, I'm not worth the consideration of printing out a picture on a sheet of paper for people to sign for my work anniversary. The fact that everyone around me has posted theirs on their cubicle walls doesn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By battered and bruised - 08/02/2016 13:50 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I was down the street with my husband and saw some disabled people, he started imitating them. I smacked him and told him to stop, only for an old lady to come up to me and start hitting me with her umbrella. He kept the charade up and acted disabled while yelling "don't let her hit me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 08/02/2016 13:45 - United States - Stamford

Today, somebody commented on my hair and said it made me, "look like a lesbian". Not only am i straight, i'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Not good - 08/02/2016 13:33 - Sweden - Link?ping

Today, my grandfather called about the cellphone he gave me after my own broke had dropbox installed. Every picture I had taken had been uploaded to his dropbox, that also includes some without clothes, in various poses, that were meant for my boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sasquatchi - 08/02/2016 13:22 - United States - Draper

Today, I found out that my 27 year old girlfriend was only dating me because she is interested in my 13 year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Unknown8211 - 08/02/2016 13:21 - United States - Columbus

Today, the girl I asked to prom said YES! Come to find out, she is dating our manager at work who keeps asking if I'm going to "tap" that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By twoheads - 08/02/2016 13:16 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out my husband of 6 years is also my cousin. I have no idea how we didn't figure this out earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By burnt - 08/02/2016 13:13 - United States - Georgetown

Today, my child told me to jump into the fireplace because I needed to "become a hotter mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Pedo_Victim - 08/02/2016 12:52 - Australia - Lindfield

Today, I was hit on by a 20 year old man. It would have been fine, flattering even, if I wasn't 14 and making out with my girlfriend at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By OneOnJuanAction - 08/02/2016 12:51 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, well, actually last night, I got kicked out of my own Super Bowl 50 party. The reasons why were because everyone there but me were Panthers fans, and I kept cheering for the Broncos the entire game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By dumbass - 08/02/2016 12:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to preheat the oven. What I didn't do, however, was take the loaf of bread I hid from mice out of the oven. Now I have over-toasted bread covered in melted plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 297

You deserved it 37 920

Today, I used the last of the toilet paper to blow my nose while taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 590

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 830

You deserved it 29 979

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 978

You deserved it 43 663

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year-old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 554

You deserved it 3 862

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 324

You deserved it 1 311