Nearly FMLs

By bae1289 - 09/02/2016 03:53 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I found out my girlfriend is pregnant. This would've been great, if she wasn't 16 and I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By my gums hurt - 09/02/2016 03:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got my braces off after four years. This would have been a pretty happy day, except for the fact my doctor forgot how to remove them halfway through and left my gums a bleeding mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By flaka816 - 09/02/2016 03:49

Today, I lost my job and my boyfriend all within a few hours. Lost my job because my boyfriend was always coming in there to check up on me. Lost my boyfriend because he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't work. Even though he hasn't been working for almost 3 months now.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By CantSleep - 09/02/2016 03:23 - United States - Waban

Today, my movement-sensored porch light kept being turned on by a snowstorm. This wouldn't be bad if the light shines through my bedroom window, and my shades are currently broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By _Humble_Power - 09/02/2016 03:16 - United States - Plano

Today, while I was cleaning out my house I stumbled upon a empty box of chocolate. I opened the bag and about five hundred small cockroaches and eggs fell out. Some were half eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By fuuuckk - 09/02/2016 03:15 - United States - Murphysboro

Today, I forgot my parents were visiting today. I found out when I walked into my kitchen, half asleep, and completely nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 09/02/2016 03:10 - United States - Garrettsville

Today, I slept with the girl of my dreams. It would have been the best experience of my life if the condom hadn't been so small that it cut circulation off making it impossible to get up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Am I your father? - 09/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. That would be great, if I wasn't a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By cherokeespirit - 09/02/2016 02:54 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I asked the guy I've been dating if I was his girlfriend. We had an argument Friday night that led to him professing his feelings for me, in which he called me his girlfriend and said he wanted an "Us". His response today was," I didn't think we were doing the relationship thing". FML

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You deserved it 0

By Katie1921 - 09/02/2016 02:52 - United States - New York

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 331

You deserved it 1 824

Katie1921 tells us more.

Katie1921 4

Thursday 11 February 2016 3:33

Hi guys- OP here! To answer a few questions and concerns people have said- 1. I did not tell the girl's parents - I do not have a close relationship with them other than a few "hi"s and talking about the girl's homework, also I am a high school student myself and I do not know how to handle that situation at all 2. I knew she was masturbating because she stuck her hands down her pants a few times anddd... I'm not gonna go into details, but it was pretty obvious

By blazingshot147 - 09/02/2016 02:41 - United States - Boise

Today, my ass was slapped with a comment of "Tighter than a white boy in a gay bar" by a girl who I have never seen before. she then said "Oh sorry, you're not my boyfriend." and ran off. Nice to be reminded I'm single still. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By blueyes909 - 09/02/2016 02:38 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I realized that I'm such a bad driver, I can't drive anywhere without being flipped off at least once. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 02:26 - United States - Shepherdsville

A week ago i found out my husband, whom I have 2 kids with, has been cheating on me with his co worker who was also his former student from the high school he works at. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 02:22 - United States - Hockessin

Today I found out I have herpes from my wife cheating on me. This would just suck if we weren't in counseling for her cheating on me 2 months ago. FML

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You deserved it 0

By smokey1 - 09/02/2016 02:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, as I was walking around the house naked I asked my wife if it bothered her that I was naked all the time, she said "no, I'm immune to it". FML

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You deserved it 0

By admin1771 - 09/02/2016 02:11 - United States - Falls Church

Today, all my friends were talking about Valentine's Day and how they found this cool app that orders flowers and delivers them to their girlfriend's houses. Thinking it was a good idea, I bought the app, set up Apple Pay...then remembered I'm still single. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By sick - 09/02/2016 02:03 - United States - Tucson

Today, my doctor told me that I have a cold as well as strep throat. I've been healing from a broken vertebra for the last couple of weeks. Every cough and sneeze makes me feel like I'm about to break it again. FML

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You deserved it 0

By I'm quitting swim - 09/02/2016 01:54 - United States - Wilson

Today, A boy attached fishing line to my swimsuit at a meet. As I dove in he pulled the line and I dove, but my suit didn't. Needless to say, the next practice was quite awkward as everyone had seen me nude the day before. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Time of thier lives. - 09/02/2016 01:48 - United States - Wilson

Today, I realized why everyone was cheering for me at my swim meet. When I dove my suit ripper and exposed my boobs completely. What's worse is I didn't realize until I had walked 25 yards back to my seat without a towel. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ouch - 09/02/2016 01:48 - United States

Today, I was playing soccer in the kitchen with my little brother and accidentally kicked the wall ripping my toe nail off. There's blood everywhere. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ouch - 09/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Westminster

Today, I found out that my wisdom teeth are coming in impacted. I've had migraines since I was 8 and have been getting them daily due to my wisdom teeth. My mom refuses to take me to the dentist.

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You deserved it 0

By Saddogday - 09/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found out my dog died. My mom had run over him while backing out of the driveway. Instead of taking him to the vet, she decided it was "too expensive" and ran over him again to put him out of his misery. FML

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You deserved it 0

By kobolobo - 09/02/2016 01:31 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to a birthday party with two of my friends for a boy in my grade. One of the other kids brought a pocket pussy and all of the boys there used it. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Crash1119 - 09/02/2016 01:29 - United States - Andale

Today, At school the spot I park in every day had been taken by some car I had never seen before. So I parked next to it. When I got inside I was telling my best friend all about it and how pissed I was. After school my friend and I walked outside together only to find out that it was her car. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Nothing like the smell of gangrene in the morning - 09/02/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, I started my shift as a nurse in emergency medicine foolishly thinking I had seen it all. I ended my shift realizing just how wrong I was. Having a gangrenous penis fall off in my hand was definitely a new experience. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Death-hawk - 09/02/2016 01:22 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I realised I spend more time planning my funeral than my wedding. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anon - 09/02/2016 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a long car ride home from my boyfriends house, my dad started talking to me about my sex life. I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

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You deserved it 0

By wowjustwow - 09/02/2016 01:07 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I met my mother-in-law. It was after a movie date. We were greeted at the door and asked if we wanted to help prepare supper. Girlfriend replied 'No, my hands are sore from giving a 2 1/2hr handjob.' She was rubbing my pinched hand nerve I got from rugby earlier in the day. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Ashly123456789 - 09/02/2016 01:02

Today, My dad forced me to do chores and run errands for my sister, because she was busy. My sister was stuffing her face with food, playing angry birds, and watching youtube videos in my laptop. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By ewww - 09/02/2016 00:49 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom asked me to hand her phone to her, she has a Windows phone where the photos in her camera roll will flash on the screen. Guess who I just saw naked. FML

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You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145 855

You deserved it 12 444

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 660

You deserved it 8 173

Today, I don't have to set my alarm. I don't have to be anywhere. I can stay up late. But I'm a creature of habit and routine, and having an off day frightens me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 240

Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 181

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 149

Today, my ex-boyfriend not only gave me syphilis, he published a video on all social media accusing ME to have given it to him, without ANY proof, and everyone believed him. Not only did he destroy my "social" life online, but he gained a lot of followers by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 143