Nearly FMLs

By rasthmus - 13/02/2016 03:21 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to tattoo ink. So I can either pay to remove the tattoo of the awareness ribbons I got because I was sexually and physically abused as a kid, or deal with constant hives and a burning pain on the tattoo I cherish

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ilovemycar - 13/02/2016 02:56 - United States - West Springfield

Today, my professor ran me over with her car she ran over and said "OMG are you okay?" While stepping over me. She was talking to her car FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smokebreak - 13/02/2016 02:52 - United States - Rifle

Today, I was giving away gift baskets to customers. I gave 1 to a man that frequents our store. He made a joke about me being his valentine.He's married. He came by my department and said "You know what they say, a way to a mans heart?" To which I replied "Through his stomach with a sharp knife" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By numbat97 - 13/02/2016 02:46 - Australia - Perth

Today, I noticed a spider in my house, so I went to grab the bug spray to kill it, when I noticed a giant fucking huntsman spider latched onto the bug spray.. THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN AUSTRALIA. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FML - 13/02/2016 02:35 - United States - Mobile

Today, I had to take a coworker aside and awkwardly let him know he had a dried cum stain down the back of his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 690

You deserved it 794

By deminchic - 13/02/2016 02:34 - United States - Clackamas

Today, my ex - who broke up with me less than a month ago - texted me asking if I could gather all of the stuff he left at my place and bring it to him - on Valentine's Day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NotSoGood - 13/02/2016 02:14 - United States - Peyton

Today, my dancing was so atrocious that my seizure response service dog brought me my medication while bumping and grinding, thinking that I was having a medical emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 02:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. She's the first real relationship I've had since my ex wife, who also cheated on me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:48 - Canada - Montague

Today, my doctor asked for photographic proof of my allergies, insisting it was a flush from exercise. Yes, a flush is apparently equal to big red hives that itch so much I want to tear my skin off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nottheuglyfriend - 13/02/2016 01:10 - United States - Helotes

Today, I discovered my dad twerking. And he's pretty good at it, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lcuttie119 - 13/02/2016 01:02 - United States

Today, I spent the whole day doing my college homework, it's now 10pm and I happen to check my work schedule.. I have to be there in 2 hours to work midnight-8:30am... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fractured_ - 13/02/2016 00:48

Today, I was on the city bus home with the girl I've had a crush on for the past few months. I pointed out that the couple in front of us looked like they were in love. She turned to me and said, "Too bad you're never going to have that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 00:48 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my coworker showed me a video of a naked woman in a barn fondling herself as two chicken eggs came out of her vagina. I can never un-see this. WTF is wrong with people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bob - 13/02/2016 00:29 - United States - La Vergne

Today, I was about to get intimate with my girlfriend at her apartment. That's when my ex-wife burst out of the closet and stabbed me in the ass for being "a cheater" and my girlfriend a "home wrecking whore". We've been divorced for a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By kawaiicutie - 13/02/2016 00:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was waiting in line for a bus that was 30 minutes late in freezing weather. It finally showed up, and the girl in front of me knocked my phone out of my hand in her hurry, shattering it without a look back. My new case is at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By what? - 13/02/2016 00:17 - United States

Today, I asked the girl of my dreams out after we had both confessed having a crush on each other. She said no though, claiming that "being in a relationship would make our friendship awkward." What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 00:02 - United States - Stayton

Last year I did my cousin a solid by letting him rent out my house at cost. I just found out today that cost me $6200 in extra taxes as IRS considers that income, even though I didn't make a dime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By embarrassed1 - 13/02/2016 00:00 - Canada - Welland

Today, I was on the phone with an Applecare support technician. He was helping me import my pictures from my phone to my computer, and while he had me check for an update, one of my not-so-discreet photos popped up as a thumbnail. I was mortified. He laughed uncomfortably for a good 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Brandon1000 - 12/02/2016 23:48 - United States - Florham Park

Today, I realized that I care more about losing the porn on my phone than my actual photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FMLUserSignIn - 12/02/2016 23:42 - Belgium - Edegem

Today, My son was writing on my brand new car with a rock, with rage and anger, I destroyed his Wii game. Later, I found out he wrote "I love my dad" on the car. Now I made him cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 23:32 - Australia - Geelong

Today, my cat got into the leftover Honey Mustard Chicken. Today, I learnt that Honey Mustard Chicken makes cats projectile vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 23:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, my evil mother-in-law decided to look for a house in my city. There is a house for sale across the street from mine, and it's in her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 321

You deserved it 578

By Bawsack - 12/02/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, while I was eating dinner, I heard an almighty crash. A quick look out the window showed me a second car embedded in mine with no driver to be seen. A quick call to the police told me it was stolen. My insurance won't pay out because it was also uninsured. My car's a write off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whatsausername7 - 12/02/2016 22:52 - United States - Jenison

Today, I was trying figure out why my laptop wasn't working. I let it charge for an hour and tried to turn in back on. Apparently my cat decided it was warm and laid on the vents that cool it down causing it to overheat and cry itself. She's done this with my xbox too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bacon_lover03 - 12/02/2016 22:45 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, I was a fifth wheeler for a family dinner because everyone else is in a relationship. The worst part of the evening was when both couples started to make out and I had to sit there awkwardly looking at the menu to hide my embarrassment of being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NoEsBueno - 12/02/2016 22:26 - United States - Richmond

Today, I started watching "Dogs with Jobs" on Netflix. I ended up crying and shutting it off because I couldn't handle seeing dogs with better jobs than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By foreveranalto - 12/02/2016 22:18 - Canada - Vancouver

Today marks 7 months of no sex with my boyfriend. No making out, too. We live together. And he isn't keen on breaking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fatcarrot - 12/02/2016 22:13 - United States - Lansing

Today, I bought my girlfriend a lot of those ghirardelli chocolate square and some expensive flowers to give to her on Valentine's Day. Not ten minutes later, I get a text from her. "I don't think this is working. Sorry, but we're over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mikki_arlert - 12/02/2016 22:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my drink bottle leaked in my bag while I was at school. Turns out, my brothers replaced the water with lemonade. It ran down my legs and dress, making it looked like a pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Get some iodine and hot water - 12/02/2016 21:47 - United States - Hamilton

Today, I gave my dog an antibiotic pill inside some peanut butter. Then, without thinking, I licked the spoon clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 317

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 837

You deserved it 343

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 085

You deserved it 4 018

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 143

You deserved it 5 509

Today, I received an invitation to a Happy Hour happening tomorrow. It's at 6 a.m. How am I supposed to drink at 6 a.m.? FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 209

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 216