Nearly FMLs

By pmi - 12/02/2016 18:54 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was at a red light, eating a banana. The guy next to me, put his window down trying so hard to talk to me. He's one of my dad's friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By UnderAverageJoe - 12/02/2016 18:50 - United States - North Reading

Today, my girlfriend wanted me to work out with her. Were doing the work out insanity and it was going great. Then I realized how out of shape I am. My throat started to hurt and my legs ached. She Got through the whole thing with ease. This is her second day doing this. Props to her, But. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cynthiavaldez - 12/02/2016 18:49 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I had bought tickets weeks ago as Valentines present for my boyfriend and I to go see Deadpool since he've been counting the days for the movie. When I get home, I ask him what is he so excited about. He already go tickets to go with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AustrianCow - 12/02/2016 18:49 - Austria - Linz

Today, my crush and me were standing face to face in awkward silent, obviously wanting to kiss each other. When I intented to make the final step, I said "Fuck it" but couldn't bring myself to kiss him or move in any way so I just stood there like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By amandaveronica96 - 12/02/2016 18:48 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to the doctor. turns out I have the flu. I literally spent my whole paycheck on prescribed meds. and I used my health insurance. I don't get paid for another 5 days. I hope I have gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NonExistant - 12/02/2016 18:43 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I can't find my passport, birth certificate, or even my social security card. Without those I can't retake my permit test because I have no other form of ID. No one in my family knows where it is.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Too Single - 12/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Modesto

Today, my father and I had a conversation about my family's tradition of the oldest son and the oldest daughter getting married. I'm the oldest son and have never had a girlfriend, so my dad decided to arrange a marriage for me. That's how single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wow - 12/02/2016 18:29 - United States - Columbus

Today, my strapless dress fell down while I was talking to the pastor at my Grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bunny_senpai - 12/02/2016 18:27 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I was cleaning my newly bought glasses. I dropped them by accident and the lens came out. And the frame is totally shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gross - 12/02/2016 18:26 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I caught my boyfriend fondling his dick while looking at pictures of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wutsupppeople - 12/02/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, I gave this guy, that I've been crushing on, flowers during second period. We left to get books from another teacher in the building, and when we came back everyone was gawking at the flowers. Everyone thought it was nice. Except his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By kenwolfy - 12/02/2016 18:24 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I gave my friend a birthday card with a gamestop gift card. But i accidentally gave him my other friends gift card too. He was so appreciative of the two cards i can't ask for them back in fear of looking like a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lefty4life66 - 12/02/2016 18:09 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, working at my construction job, my Co worker accidentally sharted his pants. he then figured it would be a good time to stick his two fingers down the Crack of his ass and scrape out whatever was in there and wipe it on the wall, calling it a "nacho scoop". I almost puked. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tytonic - 12/02/2016 17:59 - United States - Quakertown

Today, I came home from work only to find a used condom on my bed. I'm a virgin and live by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By procrastinate - 12/02/2016 17:45 - United States - Westfield

Today, I found the book about procrastination that I bought for my daughter. It's still lying in her room, unread. I bought it for her two years ago.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By guest - 12/02/2016 17:45 - United States - Zanesville

Today,I was in the middle of class when I coughed I felt a searing pain in my ribs I had to go through the whole day like that, when I went to the doctors I found out I popped my back and three ribs out of place again FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By vancezd - 12/02/2016 17:36 - United States - New Kent

Today, I found out that the tooth brush I have been using for a month is the same brush my brother "accidentally" dropped in a toilet full of piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By havebackupfileskids - 12/02/2016 17:27 - United Kingdom - Horncastle

Today I found out that my usb stick containing my ONLY copy of my GCSE Electronics coursework had become corrupted and all my coursework is now gone. I dont have a backup file and it has to be submitted next week.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CasualAdvances - 12/02/2016 17:15 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was at work joking with my friend about texting one of my coworkers to be a FWB. What I didn't know was he was right behind us the whole time and he is now texting me pictures of his genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Raina8008 - 12/02/2016 17:13 - United States - Naperville

Today, I have to tell a severely angry tempered fiancée that I don't want to get married because I wont be in a loveless and abusive marriage. It's almost valentines day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Just kill me now - 12/02/2016 16:42 - United States - Medford

Today, I woke up with my eyes crusted shut and a boner. Oh, I was also completely naked, in my living room. I have family over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Hannah17marie - 12/02/2016 16:39 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and some friends came over to my house to have some chill time. I kissed my boyfriend during the movie, so my grandma made everyone go home. she said I can't see him as long as I live under her roof. Guess I can't kiss my boyfriend FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FML or what ? - 12/02/2016 16:28 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my husband threw the most bitchiest trantrum and even went as far as saying that he chooses his family over me all because my parents haven't called his parents and checked up on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By yaaaa - 12/02/2016 16:23 - United States - Hemet

Today, I was in the pool swimming and all of sudden I feel this god awful surge of pain on the tip of my dick so I rush over to the end of the pool then I proceed to look down and the end of my string on my suit went into my dick hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Teacherslovemecheerleadersdon't - 12/02/2016 16:22 - United States - Wayne

Today, I celebrated my last spirit week in high school. My Spanish teacher wanted a picture of me and my crush. After taking the picture, she laughed and said we should date! My heart nearly burst through my chest until my crush said she already had a boyfriend. She doesn't. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 16:13 - United States

While waiting for my girlfriend to get out of work, parked outside, I was fidgeting with a hard-to-open bottle of leather cleaner for car seats. A woman smiled at me outside. I smile politely. Still watching, she sees the liquid, a liquid similar to semen, squirt on my face. Horrified, she runs off.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By wellthatsucks - 12/02/2016 16:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I learned what happens when you eat jello and sneeze very suddenly. It's the start of my 9 hour shift and one of my white sleeves looks very much like a zombie wiped his boogers all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 16:08 - United States - Havertown

Today, my favorite thing about the upcoming valentines day holiday is that the chocolate is 70% off the day after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bitch_where - 12/02/2016 15:59 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I caught my neighbor breaking in to my house on my security cameras, they steal anything, they just painted a giant dick on the living room wall. I have a house showing today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RaccoonMan - 12/02/2016 15:47 - United States

Today, my mom threw out a ton of my stuff without my permission. When I dug around in the trash to get it back, she ran me over with her car. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was sick and had a migraine. Being sick turns me into a big baby, and I told my boyfriend I didn't want to be alone. Two hours into my shift, he texted me saying he "needs to let off some steam because he hadn't in a long time." Guess who ended up staying home alone until his drunk ass needed to be taken care of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 304

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 320

You deserved it 740

Today, my husband's grandmother told me in confidence that he was diagnosed with psychopathy as a child, so in all likelihood my husband isn’t actually capable of feeling love for me. I’m just a useful tool to make him seem normal so doctors and therapists leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 193

Today, I was having some fun with a guy, but I had to fake orgasm twice just so he would get out of me it was that shit. Third guy in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 1 177

Today, I learned I made the dean's honor list for my college for the first time since attending. I asked my dad if he was proud of me, to which he replied, "when you're as successful as your brother, I'll be proud." My brother is a Chippendale's dancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 390

You deserved it 3 976

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237 697

You deserved it 39 143