Nearly FMLs

By CSHicks - 13/02/2016 09:54 - United States - Unicoi

Today, I found out that the engagement ring I bought for my fiancé won't arrive until well after Valentine's day due to a company processing error; costing me months of planning the perfect proposal and a ton of money. The company refuses to reimburse any of my expenses for their error. FML...

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By This always happens - 13/02/2016 09:35 - Australia - Golden Grove

Today, my mother dropped chocolate on the carpet, which was promptly eaten by our dog. She then yelled at me because it was an 'accident' and how dare I get annoyed at her. She also said that she cares more about the new stain on the floor than our dog eating something that could kill him. FML

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By jen1097 - 13/02/2016 09:22 - Australia - Townsville

Today, while I am in a leg brace from a car accident, I decided I would finally go up the stairs on my own. I slowly began to tip forward and eventually face planting on the stairs while my arms got tangled in my crutches. I couldn't get back up. FML

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By anotherschmuck - 13/02/2016 08:34 - United States - Lawrenceburg

Today, I got into an argument with an "English Major" when she insisted that jealous and envious mean EXACTLY the same thing. She refuses to look it up, to "save me the embarassment." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 08:24 - United States - Midland

Today, while using Google to find out how much THC I had just eaten in a pot cookie, I got a text from my (new) boyfriend saying that he was out of work early and on his way over. He's a deputy at the Sheriff's Department. FML

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You deserved it 0

By In Pain - 13/02/2016 08:16 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was out for a bike ride when something went wrong with the steering. I crashed into a barbed wire fence and now have 150 stitches going across my entire lower face. I look like the Joker except I'm a woman. FML

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You deserved it 0

By AddieGirl18 - 13/02/2016 06:30 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend is more excited about seeing Deadpool on Valentine's Day, then having sex with me, later that night. FML

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You deserved it 0

By accidentprone13 - 13/02/2016 06:29 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I dropped the plug-in part of a transducer for ultrasound. To save the expensive tool I stuck my foot out to break its fall, it scratched my ankle. I later had a laugh in the elevator with a "random" lady about my klutziness. Turns out she's the director of safety. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ANNOYED-AF - 13/02/2016 06:13 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, and for the past month, I've been picking up urine puddles, and wet clothes.If this were a kid I'd be fine with it. I'm not fine with it being my 40 year old drunken mother's. FML

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By Whyme - 13/02/2016 06:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I discovered that my ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend, the latter I'm still in love with, are getting married. My ex-boyfriend wants me to be his best man. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 13/02/2016 05:34 - United States - Rockwood

Today, Instead of saying "Hello" and complementing their clothes or hair like a normal person to a girl in my class, I very loudly blurted out "I like your face"; I'm a real charmer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 05:33 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the guy I like asked me to get some lunch with him and help him do some clothes shopping. It was just starting to feel like a date when a shop assistant remarked that we make a cute couple, and he responded by snorting loudly and saying "not a chance!" FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 05:24 - United States

Today, i fixed a burst water line in my parents basement. Instead of thanking me, my father yelled and bitched at me for a half hour for not calling a plumber. He says even a $6,000 bill is better than me doing it. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By EarlieBurd - 13/02/2016 05:17 - Uzbekistan

Today, putting my pants back on at the office toilet, my iPhone on right hand slipped into bowl. It would have been a lot easier to pick it up if I hadn't had diarrhea mexicana. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 05:01 - United Kingdom - Kirknewton

Today, I realised that the tablets my doc gave me for my crippling insomnia actually give me the worst nightmares I've ever experienced, here's to never sleeping again. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 04:46 - United States - Oreland

Today, a customer called me an anorexic skank and proceeded to throw a half-eaten burger at me. Three other customers clapped. Fml

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By shorty.sam - 13/02/2016 04:45 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my fiance and i got our keys to our first apartment together we were super pumped until the first time we went to unlock the door and the key got stuck. now we can't lock the door for the night. FML

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By Nina_Rodriguez - 13/02/2016 04:36 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, l was talking to my crush and he was telling me how adorable l am. Later that day he texted me saying l should not fall for him because he isn't the man for me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Trapgirl747 - 13/02/2016 04:30 - Canada - North Star

Today, my mom lectured me over the phone about how worthless I am and how I'll just become an utter disappointment in life and how I'm just going to waste my life away if I don't become a doctor. This is a normal occurrence. FML

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You deserved it 0

By numbat97 - 13/02/2016 04:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I had a long talk with my daughter about consent and what it means to respect other people's wishes. She then told me she doesn't want to do anything I say and I have to respect her wishes.. Well, that backfired. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By alentines ay - 13/02/2016 04:22 - United States

Today, after receiving my 18k rose gold and clear emerald necklace Valentine's Day gift from my bf and me booking a hotel room for us over spring break at disney world yesterday, he decided to call me and dump me. When I asked why he literally had no reasoning. FML

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You deserved it 0

By HelloGoodBye230 - 13/02/2016 04:18 - United States - Gibson

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. I really like it, however my boyfriends mother doesn't and demands he breaks up with me or he won't get an xbox. Well he got the xbox. FML

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You deserved it 0

By CollegeHotDogs - 13/02/2016 04:15 - United States - Pullman

Today, the building I use to store a very large hot dog stand was sold. Now when I store my heavy equipment, I have to walk down a very steep and narrow flight of stairs under a bar. At around 3am, I hauled my things to the stairway to find a drunk guy vomiting and pissing down the entire thing. FML

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By mancuneanway - 13/02/2016 04:11 - United Kingdom - Bacup

Today, after struggling with severe insomnia for a while, my doctor refuses to give me anything to help me sleep due to 'addictive reasons'. Im addicted to the caffeine which is what's keeping me up. FML

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By JG - 13/02/2016 04:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I planned a huge Valentine's date for the girl I love and who says she likes me back and wants to date me. I spent hours a day for a week writing a Valentines note, bought her favorite chocolate and had a big night planned. She stood me up because she was scared to see me. Heart=broken. FML

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You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 13/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Wyoming

Today, I had an ovarian cyst burst, because I pooped too hard. FML

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By depressedvixen - 13/02/2016 03:48 - United States - Hickory

Today, all of my coworkers called in sick. This meant that I had to work alone. A few hours into my shift, one of my coworkers posted a picture on Facebook of all my coworkers and him together at a party. FML

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By scared - 13/02/2016 03:45 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I learnt that when the realtor says the previous owners would have died before they sold the house, she really means they did die before they sold the house. In what is now my bedroom. FML.

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By anonymous - 13/02/2016 03:27 - Australia - Yarraville

Today, I found out that my best friends 'exciting new job' is actually sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back.

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By Isa_Marie0113 - 13/02/2016 03:22 - United States - Groton

Today, I made a joke to my boss that I wouldn't be able to work tomorrow because my door will probably be frozen shut as it's been so cold. I came home to my door frozen shut. FML

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The Top

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 628

You deserved it 3 659

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent four hours cleaning my apartment. Two minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 015

You deserved it 3 697

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 654

You deserved it 3 752

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 265

You deserved it 3 279

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 359

You deserved it 2 898

Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 85