Nearly FMLs

By 0_0shortyy0_0 - 13/02/2016 17:24 - Australia - Greenbank

Today, after everyone being too 'busy' to attend my birthday every other year, I decided to make the invites 2 months in advance. Apparently nobody can come as they know they'll be 'busy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom - Milnthorpe

Today,went to A&E with severe back pain, could hardly breath through the pain, while checking in at reception I was trying to answer them through the pain when some dude pushes in to ask where the smoking area was and then started to talk about the weather.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I'M READY... to get a life - 13/02/2016 16:59 - United States - Olmsted Falls

Today, I was watching the spongebob squarepants movie with my brother, and I managed to quote the entire thing as it went along. My brother told me to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 16:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was being playful and pulled me onto his lap, kissing my neck and nibbling my ear - needless to say I was getting turned on. Then he stopped and said "I know this is probably TMI..." Then went on to tell me about how satisfying the dump he took earlier that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By not a girl - 13/02/2016 16:30 - United States - Wabash

Today, my dad told me that I'm not allowed in his wedding unless I'm a bridesmaid and called me selfish when I said I didn't feel comfortable wearing a dress. He knows I'm a transgender male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 16:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out my best friend broke up with her boyfriend and asked to move in with myself and my husband to get back on her feet. Coincidently my husband's best friend was in a similar situation. They use to date. Looks like my house is about to get crowded and awkward for the next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Still singing at 6 - 13/02/2016 16:06 - United States - Pearland

Today, I woke up beyond exhausted to work a 12 hour work day. The reason being so exhausted? Some dumbass bird thought from 11:00pm to 3:00am was the absolute best time to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 0h_Boy - 13/02/2016 15:58 - United States - Myrtle Beach

Today, I got married. My wife had the priest state that women are "not property to be given away." While I agree with this, I'm still confused as to why she insisted I get permission from her father to ask for her hand. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 15:47

Today at work, in front of everyone, my Fiancé reduced me to tears by yelling at me. Then grouched at me for crying for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By srhearrell - 13/02/2016 15:45 - United States - Enon

Today, a dumbass driver ran over the hoses filling our main tanks at the gas station where I work. I had to call 911 and evacuate the station, but everything was okay. When my boss heard, all she could say was "All this free time and you couldn't even face product. What am I paying you for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Peanut1392 - 13/02/2016 15:35 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, I decided to tidy up my lady parts after the guy I've been seeing expressed his desire to see me clean shaven. Not only did I nick my clit, but he refused to have sex because he said he'd feel like a paedophile. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By why - 13/02/2016 15:34 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went outside to grab a beer from my friend's car. Realizing I had locked myself out, I started to make my way around front. Half way to the door I slipped on black ice, fell into a pile of snow and scraped open my wrist. I also broke my very last beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 15:24 - United States - Brigham City

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy a year ago with negative sperm tests, and over a year ago I had my tubes tied. Doctor chuckled and said we should have used protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By High school guy - 13/02/2016 15:18 - United States - Easley

Today, I was volunteering at a school for kids with parents who are either in jail or can't get their kids a good education. One little girl came up to me and asked me why I have polka dots on my face. They weren't polka dots. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ankle - 13/02/2016 15:16 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, as I was walking to the medical office at school to request an x-ray for a serious pain in my left ankle, I tripped, fell, and rolled my right ankle outwards. One hospital trip later, I found I now have not only one, but two broken ankles. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 15:13 - Ireland

Today, I sneezed so hard I gave myself a nosebleed. There's even blood on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By livk98 - 13/02/2016 15:04 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a good morning text of my boobs. He said 'morning', I said 'that's it?'. His response was 'Yeah, I'm busy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By 1_Jew - 13/02/2016 14:50 - United States - Cazenovia

A few months ago my best friend moved in with me and my wife. Last night after I got home from work I found a pregnancy test in the trash. It was positive, I had my vasectomy a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuxkme - 13/02/2016 14:46 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I overheard my mother in law talking to my husband about when he was going to tell me about his "side chick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By too young to adult - 13/02/2016 14:24 - United States - Duluth

Today I revealed that, at age 24, I am planning on moving out of state for more job opportunities. My parents flipped their shit, claiming I must not love my family and that I just want to go and have grandbabies they'll never see, and that I'm too young to move away from them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By mhudd - 13/02/2016 13:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am at work. I am currently stuck in the bathroom with severe diarrhea. I have to work 3.5 hours and then go to a funeral, that I won't be able to leave if my stomach gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Alice - 13/02/2016 13:45 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I dislocated my wrist while masturbating. I spent so long coming up with a good lie about how I really dislocated it that when the hot ER doctor asked me how I did it I blurted out the truth and then had to endure having my wrist fixed with my face bright red and avoiding eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 13:22 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was talking to a couple of girls I used to be close friends with and secretly liked. It turns out they had mutual feelings for me at the respective times. I've been single and lonely for over 7 years now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dogless - 13/02/2016 13:15 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my house burned to the ground. There is nothing left. My dogs and cats didn't make it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By vex - 13/02/2016 13:07 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I was at the airport on my way home from vacation and needed to use the rest room, as I walked in there, there was a woman spread eagle with one leg on the counter and one on the floor inspecting her vagina..this cannot be unseen.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 12:15 - United States - Chesnee

Today, I learned just how hot the grits are at the place I work at when I ended up with 2nd degree burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By friendsRfun - 13/02/2016 12:09 - United Kingdom - Lisburn

Today, I found out that all of my 'friends' went out to see a dinner and a movie last night, without inviting me. How did I find out? By the pictures on Facebook and the 'wish you were here!' Tag... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tackblog - 13/02/2016 12:05 - Australia - Lesmurdie

Today, after over 30 years of being content with my life, I found out that my mom slept around and my dad isn't my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By helloitsme - 13/02/2016 10:48 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, I found out the only reason I passed maths was because my mum hooked up with my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 964

You deserved it 1 028

By aforbiddendance - 13/02/2016 10:18 - Romania

Today, I got my first tattoo in a country where I don't speak the language. I watched in horror while my tattoo artist was filling in the wrong part with a bright red colour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 563

You deserved it 895

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing said he wanted us to get serious, but first we had to get his wife’s approval. Already taken aback by this, he further explained that his wife died years ago and he wanted me to go to her gravesite with a psychic so we could get her blessing via seance. Check please! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 177

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 4 231

Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 578

You deserved it 5 119

Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 108

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 883