Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 12/02/2016 07:09 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I found out that my mother has stolen over $20,000 from my college fund and now it's very questionable whether or not I'll actually be able to afford going since she refuses to pay it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By VoodooPriestess - 12/02/2016 06:58 - United States - Sacramento

Today I told my cousin to clean up her cats urine. This consisted of her putting a paper towel on the floor and putting the rug over it. Way to be responsible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 06:46 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, I bought an $80 textbook and scanned all the pages onto my computer which took about two hours, after my teacher asked us to. Turns out my teacher was reading off the wrong paper the whole time and forgot to tell us. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 12/02/2016 06:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally got to fool around with the guy I've liked for two years. Previously I told him that I hate when guys finish in my mouth. I was so turned on that I was giving the best head of my life.. Until he came in my mouth after 45 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By happybirthdaytome - 12/02/2016 06:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, is my 21st birthday. This would be great except for the fact that I'm deployed and now attending my first AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Octley - 12/02/2016 05:46 - United States

Today, in my 3rd period English class a girl brought in mail for me, it was an invitation to a camp to get recognized by college scouts for football, after reading it over turns out the school gave me the mail two weeks late... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kallian - 12/02/2016 05:42 - Australia - Greenwich

Today, my boyfriend was playing Xbox and I noticed him wriggling around like my preschool students do just before they piss themselves. Out of habit, I told him to go to the bathroom. He stubbornly refused, and continued to play until he accidentally shit himself. Yup, just like my preschoolers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By restingbitchfaceicanthelpit - 12/02/2016 05:35 - United States - Reston

Today, at dinner, my mom angrily threw a glass bowl at me and proceeded to shout about having a look on my face claiming that no one would want to sit next to me. I don't understand. This is my normal face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By flo - 12/02/2016 05:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend stopped having sex with me mid thrust so that he could pick a booger out of my nose and feed it to his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 05:14 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, right after class, I had three frantic messages from my boss, explaining that no one would need to come in that night due to power outage and to enjoy our night off. When I got home, I had 2 more texts explaining that no, just kidding, I would still need go be at my full shift that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By video_games_and_ - 12/02/2016 04:53 - Canada - Miramichi

Today, I just finished my last bag of mini chocolate eggs. I'd bought ten. Yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GinGin92 - 12/02/2016 04:32 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my husband decided that he doesn't want to have sex anymore, because I'm "just not as attractive anymore." He totally still asks for Bjs though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By gf - 12/02/2016 04:30 - Argentina - Monte Chingolo

Today, I decided to finally send my boyfriend some nasty pictures of myself. He replied with a picture of what he was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Whymebunny - 12/02/2016 03:59 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, my car was broken into right outside of my house, I lost my job, and I am almost down to $100 in my bank account. I still have two bills to pay, and I am literally living off of carrots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By heartbroken77 - 12/02/2016 03:57 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my girlfriend of 2+ years broke up with me, why? Because someone else told her to break up with me and get with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By breakerone92 - 12/02/2016 03:49 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I was kicked off the computer that I was using for important school work so my mom could use it for her important work. Her "important work" consisted of playing facebook games for 2 hours and messeging people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By blizzy09 - 12/02/2016 03:43 - United States - Simpsonville

Today, i found out my soon to be ex husband drained my bank account. At the checkout lane in the grocery story. With my 3 year old son. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 03:25 - United States - Blair

Today was my 18th birthday and I thought I was going to get the laptop I wanted for college. My 10 year old brother got the laptop and I got $20 for "Something nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 12/02/2016 03:23 - United States

Today, I realized that my guy best friend of 6 years pays more attention to me, compliments me, cuddles me, holds my hand, and talks to me more than my boyfriend of 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unapologetic - 12/02/2016 03:14 - United States - New Britain

Today, I got a phone call telling me my godfather had passed away. I asked when the funeral is; turns out it already happened. He died a month ago, and nobody remembered to tell my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 12/02/2016 02:56 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, during my sex my boyfriend stopped, checked his phone and noticed a call from his mom and then proceeded to call her back without ever pulling out of me.. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Shitouttaluck - 12/02/2016 02:49 - United States - Clermont

Today, like several times before, I've been given the runaround from yet another rehab center...because they're not equipped to deal with mental illness and drug addiction. I literally can't pay for help because I have too many problems. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By the flash drive - 12/02/2016 02:43 - United States - Plymouth

Today, while cleaning out some boxes in the basement, I found a flash drive. Curious to see what was on it, I plugged it into my computer. To my surprise, it was porn. I stared watching some until I realized the porn was not porn at all. It was a homemade sex tape made by my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By 3rdwheel - 12/02/2016 02:37 - Australia - Wilberforce

Today, I watched my drunk husband, mistaking my dad for me, kiss my dad on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 12/02/2016 02:29 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I can't eat gluten because I get incredibly sick if I do. I had a dream last night that I was eating all kinds of forbidden goodies and feeling horribly guilty. I can't even enjoy cheating in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By littlekellilee - 12/02/2016 02:26 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, I pulled the contents out of my bathroom bag after a one night trip during vacation. Everything smelt quite flowery but seemed fine. Upon brushing my teeth, I found out my still-sealed perfume leaked and dried. It was my only toothbrush, and the nearest store is two hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By singlepringle - 12/02/2016 01:55 - United States - Ossining

Today, my step dad asked me if I made a movie. Confused by the question, I answered no. He then turns his phone around to show me a movie entitled, "How to be Single" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 12/02/2016 01:51 - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a work friends wedding and my husband got really drunk. At one point he picked up a little girl gushing over how cute she was and started asking where her parents were. That little girl was my boss who just happens to be a dwarf. I am so fired tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HairyPunisher - 12/02/2016 01:30 - United States - Voorhees

Today, I put in my two week notice at a company I've worked for almost 5 years. Later, I was confronted by my supervisors and escorted from the premises. Apparently I'm a liability for leaving to work for "a competitor" so they decided today will be my last day... I left a bank for a casino. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By grey area - 12/02/2016 01:29 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my dedication to never using my phone while driving was tested by my girlfriend calling me literally every 5 minutes on my two hour trip to go see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I had to explain to my boss that the reason I was sobbing hysterically as she told me that I was getting a pay raise was because I was going to the vet to have my sick and dying cat put down. Good news at a bad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 103

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 321

You deserved it 98 485

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 023

You deserved it 725

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 597

You deserved it 46 624

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 4 992

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 908

You deserved it 37 151