Nearly FMLs

By lordlekal - 13/02/2016 21:01 - United States - Omaha

Today, The side effects of the tetanus shot I had yesterday hit me so hard I almost passed out at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nussie - 13/02/2016 20:59 - Jordan - Amman

Today I spent hours researching and writing an essay that's due tomorrow... I just realized that I got the topic wrong. It's 11 pm and the essay is 15% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By SneakyLemon117 - 13/02/2016 20:55 - United States

Today, I was having surgery. I woke up thinking the surgery was over, but to my surprise I woke up from a violent seizure Instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 20:27 - United States - Irving

Today,me and my boyfriend were cuddling after sex. After taking off the condom, he decides to slap me with it.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By well shit... - 13/02/2016 20:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was buying condoms for tomorrow at the convenience store when I asked where they were. The cashier told me and I lined up to pay. Turns the man in front of me was buying the same and the cashier said "I guess the both of you are going to get laid" the man turned around. It was my dad Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Badluckolsen - 13/02/2016 20:19 - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out my cat likes to raid pantry, take everything she can reach, and then hide it around the house. I also found out where my hot Cheetos were hidden, and why my cat keeps throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By miaowsoftkittay - 13/02/2016 20:11 - New Zealand

Today, I ran over my cat with my car and watched him die. The last time I touched him I had kicked him outside because he was annoying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 20:10 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend said he had a Valentine's Day surprise for me. I got all dressed up and waited for him to come over. He showed up with my best friend and they both told me she was pregnant with his baby. Then he broke up with me and they left together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ArcaneBullshit - 13/02/2016 19:55 - United States - Brookings

Today, my little brother with autism started yelling and hitting me and won't talk to me. Turns out my dad told him I ran over his aid dog, he doesn't even have one, our dad spent the aid dog money on booze and decided to blame it on me, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Thankscupid - 13/02/2016 19:54 - United States

Today, my GF broke up with me because I don't spoil her enough. I just made reservations at an expensive restaurant and purchased a necklace that I saved up all year for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By roommates - 13/02/2016 19:48 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my roommate got drunk. Not only was he having sex in my bed, but hewanked on the couch too. Hello floor! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shit - 13/02/2016 19:39 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog took a shit in my bed. My roommate knew. He didn't tell me. I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SHUT UP - 13/02/2016 19:30 - United States - Plano

Today, I yelled at the kids from the apartment next door, for screaming and running into my door repeatedly. Today, I also had the cops called on me for supposedly "threatening and sexually harassing" children, and "endangering their welfare". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By breeeowens - 13/02/2016 19:28 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I finally convinced myself my biology teacher hates me. we built a 3D model of a double helix, with the usual parts. I got a bad grade simply because she didn't like my phosphate and sugar colors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Britttandrosko1 - 13/02/2016 19:26 - United States - Richmondville

Today, I woke up with a horrible cold, which wouldn't be that bad, except I had my wisdom teeth removed 4 weeks ago and ended up with a jaw infection. Then 2 weeks ago, I came down with appendicitis and had my appendix removed. I just can't seem to catch a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 19:12 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I am starving because I am too shy to leave my room to eat while my flatmate has somebody over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 19:05 - United States - Shawnee

Today, I was at my girls house enjoying a rainy day. After 6 days of being agonizingly constipated due to the meds I'm taking, I had a strong urge to release the demons from within. I managed to clog the toilet with one monstrous turd. EVERYONE is watching as its being professionally unclogged. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fmlauthor - 13/02/2016 19:04 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found my one year old eating a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mom fail - 13/02/2016 19:01 - United States - Madison

Today, my mom lost her phone while doing some house chores. She made my dad, brother and I spend 20 minutes looking for it and calling it. It turns out it was in her back pocket the whole time and she didn't feel it vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dudeguyman - 13/02/2016 18:58 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I realized I'd reached full "white suburban dad in his thirties" when I realized I was the only guy in the bar wearing cargo shorts. Just hand me a Hawaiian shirt and the keys to a pre-owned mini-Van and I'm set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NickACD - 13/02/2016 18:49 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I am able to sympathize with women on their periods as a hemorrhoid popped while I was at school. It then bled through my underwear and created a very noticeable red stain on my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 18:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I dropped an ice cube down my boyfriend's shirt, as a joke. To retaliate, he dumped half his ice cold drink down my front. We were in public, without a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 18:35 - United States - Havertown

Today the fire alarm went off at the convention center I'm staying at and the whole building was evacuated. Except for me, who was too busy having an intense constipated shit in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ohwell - 13/02/2016 18:01 - United States - New York

Today, when I asked a group of friends what they were doing for Valentine's Day, one responded by saying they were having a get-together for lonely people at another friend's house. I wasn't invited. I win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lionkat456 - 13/02/2016 17:58

Today, I wanted to look up movie times, but I didn't have my phone, so my dad let me borrow his. When I went to google, I saw his last three searches were redtube, pornhub, and thumbzilla. I had to give his phone back and pretend I didn't see a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 17:47 - Canada - Truro

Today, My son misunderstood my explanation of what a urinal cake was... He ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By queenofbrooklyn - 13/02/2016 17:42 - United States - Denver

Today is the day before my wedding. I thought I'd surprise my fiancé and came home early. I found him, in the shower, pouring chocolate sauce on my best friend (and maid of honor). FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shmeh - 13/02/2016 17:41 - Canada - Calgary

Today, the guy I've been in love with for two years kissed me on the plane to Europe. He then got up to go to the bathroom and when I sought out my best friend to tell her, he was already kissing her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WholeLoadOfNope - 13/02/2016 17:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I decided to go parasailing for the first time and let my mom sign me up for it. She chose the least expensive place she could find and chose the 1,200 feet option. The boat ran out of gas when I was at 300 feet. They then pulled me in while they screamed "don't squirm or you may fall" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By psycho neighbour - 13/02/2016 17:27 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, a random stranger from the street behind mine tore my fence down with an axe for no reason, and then blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 741

You deserved it 93 582

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me to homecoming, in front of the whole school, knowing I have social anxiety. I was forced to say yes to not seem like an asshole. Now I can't back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 112

You deserved it 7 534

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 866

You deserved it 1 311

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 052

You deserved it 8 626

Today, I was belting out Beyoncé in the shower, really feeling myself. When I got out, I heard applause. My new neighbors were sitting on their balcony and I had my bedroom window open. They'd been unwilling members of my entire shower performance's audience, and the applause was definitely sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 416

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 2 965