Nearly FMLs

By zippocobalt6 - 14/02/2016 01:08 - United States - Antioch

Today, I had "when will diarrhea hit" moment. In Walmart. The day before Valentine's Day. Halfway through a checkout aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Single - 14/02/2016 01:03 - United States - Clover

Today, after years of waiting and hoping, my boyfriend of 4 years finally got down on one knee, pulled out a box and opened it. Inside was a piece of paper that said "Break up with me?" I did, btw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shitty-time - 14/02/2016 00:56 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was at the brink of shitting myself at work. I rushed to the bathroom to sit on a seat covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pepperboi - 14/02/2016 00:31 - United States

Today, I had to bring my dog to the vet, which was 1 hour away. 45 minutes into the drive, I realized that my dog was still at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Bruised penis - 14/02/2016 00:27 - United States - Roseville

Today, I bruised my penis trying to deal with a massive ingrown hair on it. I have already spent $240 on a hotel room tomorrow night to be with my girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 00:16 - United States - Seattle

Today, I received a piece of mail from my parents. They spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 00:08 - United States - New York

Today I was working up the nerve to ask my crush to be my valentine. Then he texted me and asked what I would like for Valentine's Day, which would be great, except he was asking for ideas of what to get for his brand new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 00:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up hung over so bad, I was praying for the sweet release of death. I turned my head and noticed I had company in my bed. Naked company. I was happy until she turned over. I almost threw up from looking at her. I felt too guilty to make her leave, so now we're out to lunch. Yay! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 23:58 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today my roommate tried to get me kicked out of the apartment over some dirty dishes. That's the woman who has somehow clogged all of our drains, continously leaves her trash outside until someone else takes it out, and is the reason for multiple noise complaints from the neighbours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By taylorcollins416 - 13/02/2016 23:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I asked what my boyfriend was getting me for Valentine's Day, and he told me a promise ring. two days later I found out he's cheating on me.. so much for commitment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 13/02/2016 23:39 - United States - Foothill Ranch

Today, while I was shaving the hair around my nipple, I got shampoo in my eyes, causing me to shave blindly and accidentally cut my nipple. And yes, it hurts as much as you think it would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By hannieannie - 13/02/2016 23:39 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, whilst I was babysitting, they had a really creepy monitor (one of those video ones) and a really old fashioned rocking chair! The monitor was facing the cot and the 4 year old decided it would be a good idea to start rocking the chair slowly, then jumped in front of the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bruh - 13/02/2016 23:22 - United States - Kearneysville

Today, on my plane ride home, the guy sitting next to me kept farting on his hand then sniffing it. He did this the whole 6 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Jif_Creamy - 13/02/2016 23:01 - United States - Bronx

Today, not wanting to go downstairs to greet my relatives to avoid an awkward conversation, I stayed upstairs in my room for 7 hours with no food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poisonedandscrewedholycrapnuggetsthiswaslong - 13/02/2016 22:51 - United States - Avon

Today, I picked up my wife some food at a nearby place. Since she was working, I ate mine by myself. An hour of vomiting and diarrhea later, I went to warn her as she was throwing out the packaging. She has about 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By tiredandangry - 13/02/2016 22:46 - United States - Avon

Today, I was woken at 6 in the morning after a long, difficult week by my dog. I waved him off and slept. When I finally got up, I found out that he had shattered my glass door and was now nowhere to be found. I should have taken him for a walk... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By dying - 13/02/2016 22:44 - Canada - Ajax

Today its 2 AM on a Friday night, 40 people on a call trying to solve a difficult issue and the lead IT engineer says "Hmm, I'm going to have to google this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Coosey_Goosey - 13/02/2016 22:43 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my mom grounded me because of my "bad judgement". She found out that my friends occasionally smoke weed. Not me. My friends. Now I have to cancel my Valentine's Day plans with my girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By suvuhaunnah - 13/02/2016 22:41 - United States - Fort Dodge

Today, I got home from work. There was smoke in my house, all the fire alarms going off, and a black mess on my stove. My boyfriend put bullets on the stove and accidentally turned it on. They all exploded. Four boxes of ammo, there are bullet ricochets everywhere in my kitchen now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By onyinye - 13/02/2016 22:39 - Germany - Neum?nster

Today, the power in our apartment went off for the second time in one week because the technician we called the first time apparently ruined the fuse instead of fixing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By To accept, or not to accept, that is the question. - 13/02/2016 22:36 - United States - Asheville

Today, my ex texted me. She wanted to apologize for how she ended things. Well, I'm just ecstatic she's apologizing over text for ending things over text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unluckyinlove - 13/02/2016 22:34 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, after many years in an abusive marriage and a painful divorce last year, a new guy I really liked and had been talking to suddenly stopped answering texts with no explanation. I found out this is an accepted thing now, and it's called "ghosting". Welcome to the dating world 2016. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 22:16 - United States - Walpole

Today, after about a month of dieting, I decided to treat myself and have McDonald's for lunch. I've now been glued to the toilet all day because my stomach couldn't handle the grease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 13/02/2016 22:06 - United States - Watsonville

Today, I got to watch my crush ask my best friend to be his Valentine, with chocolate, roses, and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By motivation to work out - 13/02/2016 21:38 - Canada - Burlington

Today, my co-worker pulled me aside at work and asked me if I was pregnant because he was very concerned as I'm too young. I'm 17, have a boyfriend that won't have sex until we are married and no I am 100% sure I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheJacker - 13/02/2016 21:27 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boss disciplined his son by making him come to work. After three hours of texting and bugging everyone, I told him he can sit in the meeting room and I'll take care of his tasks so I could actually get work done. In return, he wrote me up for "jacking off 5 times before lunch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IcedSapphire - 13/02/2016 21:24 - United States

Today, my grandma decided to put breadsticks in the same purse she used to store a stool sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LuckyUnlucky - 13/02/2016 21:09 - United States

Today, I Lost my $700 retainers right after finding my last pair that I lost a month ago. They were in the crevice of my couch with chew marks from my dog on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 21:02 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today my 4 friends invited me to go out drinking with them. Turns out they wanted to go on a double date with one another and it just didn't feel right without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bereaved. - 13/02/2016 21:02 - United States - Fredonia

Today, my puppy passed away from Parvo before we could finish vaccinating him against it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 192

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 829

You deserved it 4 579

Today, my now-ex fiancée actually took another man’s penis out of her mouth and had the audacity to shout, “Babe, it’s not what it looks like!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 158

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 567

You deserved it 52 670

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 882

You deserved it 2 930

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 102

You deserved it 5 908