Nearly FMLs

By whyyy - 14/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Canton

Today, I received chocolates from my long-distance boyfriend, as well as a text admitting he'd cheated on me. Happy Valentine's Day! FML

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By Kyle - 14/02/2016 04:07 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I told my girlfriend I couldn't live without her. Instead of saying it back to me, she gave me a funny look and pointed out that being overly dependent on another person was unhealthy. FML

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By okthen - 14/02/2016 04:04 - United States - Falmouth

Today, my boyfriend decided he wanted to take our relationship to the next level by eating my ass, but has yet to even touch my vagina. FML

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By BadSun300402 - 14/02/2016 04:03 - United States - Reno

Today, I bought my son a PS4 only for his birthday, this would have been fine had he not thrown it off the roof screaming "I WANTED A XBOX" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 03:54 - United States

Today, my bank called to let me know I had $3000 of fraud on my credit card. 40 fraudulent charges were made. I had to verbally verify each one. They called me 3 more times the same day to re-verify all of them, because of a computer-glitch on their server. FML

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By anomnomnom - 14/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Houston

Today, I volunteered at an animal shelter with my close friends. Whilst doing one of the jobs, we began to talk about going to lunch since we finish at 12pm. We said we were going to go get chick-fil-a at the mall and later shop. I left to go do a different job and came back to find them gone. FML

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By anonymous - 14/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boyfriend asked me to be his Valentine. He then said "Sike!," and broke up with me. I guess this would be acceptable if we were in 8th grade, but no, we are seniors in high school. FML

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By hexonthisex - 14/02/2016 03:47 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I came to find my ex boyfriend in my apartment. He told me my friends invited him and told him where the key was in an attempt to get us back together for Valentine's Day. This is a guy who used to hit me. FML.

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By unwanted - 14/02/2016 03:45 - Australia - Griffin

Today, a friend told me the guy I am in love with asked her out for valentine's day. She thinks he's boring and awkward, but she's going for the free meal. I would have crawled over broken glass for the pleasure, dude. FML

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By ohgodno - 14/02/2016 03:26 - New Zealand - Hastings

Today, I found several curly, ginger hairs in my razor. I have dark brown hair. My mother is a red-head. FML

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By Broken-Hearted - 14/02/2016 03:23 - United States - Cortland

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me. Two days before our week long Valentine's Day trip that I paid for. FML.

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By peepants - 14/02/2016 03:21 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking home with a friend, when I really had to pee. I had barely locked the frontdoor behind me, when I peed my pants. I´m a 21-year old woman. FML

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By gdyshdnev - 14/02/2016 03:19 - United States - Trussville

Today, I am sick. When I asked my mom for cold medicine, she responded by yelling at me to not get "her baby boy" sick. Her baby boy is my boyfriend. I have two older brothers and I am her only daughter. Fml.

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By princessace13 - 14/02/2016 03:17 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I went to use the restroom. I forgot I had my phone in my back pocket and it fell into the toilet. FML.

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By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 03:17 - New Zealand - Hastings

Today, I realized that my boyfriend looks at his guitars more lovingly than when he looks at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 02:58 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I visited my friend. After I came home, my severely religious mother threatened to call the cops next time i visited him, beacause I shouldn't associate with 'worldly people', otherwise known as nonreligious people. -FML

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By netikerty - 14/02/2016 02:49 - United States - Sanford

Today, I should be enjoying my first wedding anniversary with my husband. Instead I'm battling hives due to the antibiotic I was taking for strep throat. I'm so red and itchy FML.

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By That_Teenager_ - 14/02/2016 02:48 - United States - Hampshire

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, I discovered two very large warts on one of his feet. I now know what to get him for Valentine's Day. FML

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By Mike - 14/02/2016 02:47 - United States - Muskego

Today, I accidentally slammed the pantry door closed on my own nose and broke it. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 02:25 - Norway - Kristiansund

Today, I found out that my girlfriend which I have been together with for half a year now, has been cheating on me for a few weeks. Who told me? The guy she cheated with. FML

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By slut - 14/02/2016 02:12 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I fell in love with one of my patients and even worse, I'm a marriage counselor so I have to help him and his wife get back together FML

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You deserved it 1

By CockblockedGirlfriens - 14/02/2016 02:03 - United States - Jackson

Today, I found out that after working an 8 hour shift on Valentine's Day my boyfriend has invited his best guy friend over to spend the night. FML

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By played - 14/02/2016 01:59 - United States - South Windsor

Today, my boyfriend canceled our Valentine's Day plans and revealed to me - over text - that he's been cheating on me for the past two months. I called my best friend to make plans with her instead, but she already had plans. With my now ex-boyfriend, who she's been banging for two months. FML

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By ffghjigtggh - 14/02/2016 01:55 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, my husband asked me what we were going to do with the kids for Valentine's Day. I excitedly asked if we were going somewhere and if I should get a sitter. He says "uhh no I mean I thought we could take them swimming." How romantic... Fml

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By All the ills - 14/02/2016 01:52 - United States - Miami

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new a Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

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By ew - 14/02/2016 01:40 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I woke up to my balcony AND garage infested with maggots. My flatmates had hidden moldy mcdonalds and KFC there, and I'm the only one home all day to clean it up. FML

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By XXgrungeXX - 14/02/2016 01:40 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a vibrator toy in the mail. I never ordered on, but it took it anyway. It felt so good, until I heard my grandmother calling from downstairs, asking if a package had arrived for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I accidentally ran over my boss's foot. FML

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By NoOneWillCare - 14/02/2016 01:29 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I attempted to talk to my alcoholic father about my depression and thoughts of suicide. His response? "You're too much of a pussy to do it." FML.

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By cyberking23 - 14/02/2016 01:15 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was having a nice lunch on benches outside when one of my classmates shouted a curse from down the block. When me and my friends went to look over, a homeless man was masturbating violently from behind a trash can and grunting. FML.

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The Top

Today, it's been one week since I found out that my ex got married. Since then, every night I dream about her breaking up with me again. Apparently, time doesn't heal all wounds. FML

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Today, I had a bit of good news with a letter that stated we were owed money by overpaying Council Tax. I phoned them, announcing myself. However, it turns out we actually owe THEM money, due to an error they made giving me and my husband a discount we weren't entitled to. FML

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Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the lock is broken) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

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Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

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Today, my group of friends officially cut ties with me. According to them, my girlfriend "has me whipped" and made me "boring", all because she helped me break free from my alcoholism and finally get sober (two years and eight months running). They told me to call them when I'm "ready to be fun again". FML

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You deserved it 194

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

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