Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 18:12 - India - Mumbai

Today is Valentine's Day. My boyfriend started talking about how he misses being at college and drinking alone in a bar on Valentine's and getting cats drunk. I said I'm sorry he has me now. He nodded in agreement. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Goddamnit - 14/02/2016 18:11 - United States - East Brunswick

Today I got hit by a car. His excuse that I dashed in front of him would be reasonable, except I was playing with friend on my front porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thx fam - 14/02/2016 18:01 - United States - West Chester

Today, I am alone on Valentines Day. My family drove to visit my brother in Maine without me. They said that there was no more room. They are bringing my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By keanend69 - 14/02/2016 17:52 - United Kingdom

Today, i was in a café and needed to fart, the music was loud so i timed my farts to the beat of the music, then i realised i was listening to music through my headphones...FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

By nickinoodle - 14/02/2016 17:50 - United States - Denton

Today, at 3am, my boyfriend told me about a date he went on with another girl who has caused drama in our relationship. I've been with him for six months, and apparently Valentine's Day was the opportune moment to tell me. Thanks, babe. That doesn't hurt at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bitch where - 14/02/2016 17:48 - United States - La Vergne

Today, my dad went to my sisters room and said "good morning sleeping beauty" he stepped into my doorway and said "good morning sleeping ugly." Happy Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chazzster - 14/02/2016 17:41 - United States - Madison

Today, my wife gave me about 5 pounds of delicious See's chocolates for Valentines. I have type 2 diabetes and she knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By :( - 14/02/2016 17:29 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, a girl I used to date keyed my car because I didn't get her anything for Valentine's Day. We've been broken up for months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Hallowfear254 - 14/02/2016 17:28 - United States - Tampa

Today, I stubbed my toe on the door frame while hanging out with my girlfriend. As I am screaming, the father comes rushing in with a shotgun asking his daughter if she is ok. And yes, the toe is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Omg my eyes - 14/02/2016 17:20 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I was walking my dogs, blissfully unaware that it was Valentine's Day. I was reminded when I saw two naked people doing 'it' in a car. The woman waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Prego? - 14/02/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was pregnant by my ex. That would be fine if I weren't a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Inbred Fucktards - 14/02/2016 17:18 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbors arguing loudly over who cheated on who with their mutual sister/cousin. This isn't the first time it happened. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By work_while_bent - 14/02/2016 17:16 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today I surprised my wife with breakfast in bed and told her I planned a little road trip for us today to have a small picnic at the beach and dinner at her favorite restaurant. She replied with "I'm not hungry and I think my period is gonna start, so we can't go out." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 17:14 - United States - Corryton

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said "Happy Valentine's Day." A couple hours later he told me he's still in love with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TinyLittleVixen - 14/02/2016 16:52 - United States - Ocean Park

Today, I woke up half asleep and began searching my bed for my boyfriend, and couldn't find him. I began to freak out in my groggy state, only until I later realised he was at his house and has never spent the night before. This isn't the first time I've done this either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 16:50 - United States - Pahrump

Today, I am literally alone on Valentine's Day, as my entire family drove to Utah this morning to visit my brother. I would have gone too, but there wasn't enough room for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By why - 14/02/2016 16:49 - Ireland - Lusk

Today, I had to cancel the romantic dinner I had planned because my boyfriend is spending Valentine's day in hospital. Why? He "accidentally sat on" a vibrating dildo, which is now stuck in his anal cavity. The batteries still haven't ran out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Uh oh yellow snow - 14/02/2016 16:39 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, my drunkard of a dad peed on my friend's driveway in front of everyone after what was supposed to be an alcohol-free night out of dancing with family and friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Floridaboy - 14/02/2016 16:24 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to surprise my long distance girlfriend before my 6 month deployment. I waited in her dorm room for her flowers and all excited as she had no idea. She walked in making out with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Asthmatic as hell - 14/02/2016 16:08 - United States - Elma

Today, I am sick with a fever of 102. When I am sick, it also triggers my allergies, and my asthma. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 14/02/2016 16:06 - United States - Helena

Today, I realized just how bad my anxiety is. While pooping in an airport bathroom two older gentleman came in and started talking. I was too scared to poop and sat there for a good 45 minutes. Yes, I missed my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Johnny - 14/02/2016 16:05 - United States - Monroe Township

Today i was walking to walmart when I saw a 5 year old girl. thinking she was lost, i offered a ride to her. It turns out she was fully trained in martial arts and now i cant feel my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bluedy - 14/02/2016 16:04 - Romania - Ploiesti

Today, my mom tried to fix our 50 year old sink system, ultimately almost flooding our apartment. The plumber said he never saw anything like that ever. We are now making plans to buy a new apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pokemonlexy - 14/02/2016 15:58 - United States - Middletown

Today, trying to show appreciation to my roommates for cleaning our kitchen, i decide to make them a dessert. It turns out, cleaning the kitchen included stashing plastic cookie plates in the oven. I didn't check the oven first and it caught on fire. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! - 14/02/2016 15:36 - United States - Somerset

Today, the only thing I'm excited about is The Walking Dead. My boyfriend of six years broke up with me to be with my sister on Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By confused boyfriend - 14/02/2016 15:25 - United States - Yazoo City

Today, I was having amazing sex with my girlfriend. Just as we were both about to orgasm, she moans, "Oh yeah baby, rustle my jimmies!" I'm not sure my penis will ever be capable of another erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By speedy889 - 14/02/2016 15:21 - United States - Thomasville

Today, my (soon to be ex) wife is having Valentine's day sex, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fun times - 14/02/2016 15:18 - United States

Today, I traveled 4 hours to my gf's campus for valentines day. She was so sick we spent most of the day just laying in the room. And finally when she started to feel better I threw up. Guess I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By no regrats - 14/02/2016 14:56 - United States - Reno

Today, I showed my brother the tattoo I recently got. He informed me that it was misspelled. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By lonelylover - 14/02/2016 14:56 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I planned a romantic dinner for my boyfriend and I. He drove to see me only for me to get in the car him take a lap around my neighborhood and break up with me. Nothing says Happy Valentines Day like a break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I woke up with pink eye. Trying to avoid going to the doctor, I searched through my cabinet for an old RX of antibiotic eyedrops. I found a tube of antibiotic ointment labeled “For optic use only.” Only after putting in my eye did I Google what it was: Dog eye ointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 709

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I'd forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 369

You deserved it 2 196

Today, I have an ear infection. I was resting outside when my young neighbor flew his RC plane right into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 148

You deserved it 1 290

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 739

You deserved it 5 805

Today, my boyfriend of over a year still refuses to acknowledge our relationship on social media because he “wants to keep things private.” He posts about his dogs, his car, gym selfies, his beer outings with the boys, even his favorite team scores, but when it comes to me, suddenly it’s “I want to keep it private.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 194