Nearly FMLs

By HappyValentine'sDay - 15/02/2016 01:11 - United States - Bellflower

Today, after unsuccessfully trying to put my four-month old son down for a nap for three hours with my in-laws at my house, he finally fell asleep in the car, only to be promptly woken up by my niece yelling "hello!" upon my return. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fallingstarr08 - 15/02/2016 01:07 - United States - Brazil

Today, it would be amazing to get a phone call saying, "Happy Valentine's Day, I love you." Except from your ex. Calling from jail. Who would ask for bail money if you accepted the call. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By suckstobeme - 15/02/2016 01:05 - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my "boyfriend" took another girl to Houston to spend Valentine's Day via my friend's snapchat. He said he was going out there with his mom. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 15/02/2016 01:05 - United States - Michigan City

Today, while riding on a coach bus I decided to use the restroom. While reliving myself I felt the bus turn, turns out we had skid on ice. I peed all over the wall and had to clean it up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Loveless - 15/02/2016 00:58 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, since it was Valentine's Day, I was able to hear what all the other people in more dorm were doing. Make that who the other people were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By welp :/ - 15/02/2016 00:57 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I went out with my family for breakfast on my birthday. I was getting ready to tell them something very important when they began a long discussion of how selfish and greedy bisexuals are. I was planning on coming out to them as bi. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By suck and duck - 15/02/2016 00:43 - United States - Compton

Today, I was giving my boyfriend top and my brother and my bestfriend's brother walked in just in time to see him cum. On my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Techie - 15/02/2016 00:39 - United States - Mckinney

Today, after a week of planning for our 6 month anniversary/Valentine's day date, my girlfriend got food poisoning from the snack I bought her to hold her over until our date. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ReiracsNeve - 15/02/2016 00:37 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, is Valentine's Day. I thought I would be nice to a girl I thought was cute. I spent about 30 minutes picking out flowers for her. When I gave them to her, her asswipe of a boyfriend threw them on the floor. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By km - 15/02/2016 00:21 - United States - Dallas

Today, it is valentines day. I had a nice foot massage. Not from a boyfriend, but a teenage boy who was doing my pedicure at a nail salon. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By can_I_die_now - 15/02/2016 00:18 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I shaved up my legs and lady-bits for my boyfriend. This is my first time celebrating Valentine's Day in years, however, out of clumsiness, I managed to cut a very sensitive part of my vagina while shaving. I guess I'll just continued my tradition of not getting laid on Valentine's. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By unapologetic - 15/02/2016 00:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, since the temperature is hovering around zero, I let my car run in the driveway for a bit to help recharge the battery before a short ride. Instead, at 8 degrees Fahrenheit, the engine overheated and stalled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BlackAsBlack - 14/02/2016 23:51 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was dog sitting for a friend of my mother. When I got out of the shower, I couldn't find my underwear. I walked downstairs and found them chewed up in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chikiriwak - 14/02/2016 23:48 - Puerto Rico - Corozal

Today, my friends drove me home from the movies since my dad was borrowing my car for the day, they left the keys and the two spare keys in the house, it's locked and my parents went out of town camping for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 23:23 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, after confronting my now ex-girlfriend about seeing a doctor I found out after a month was never actually pregnant. The reason she lied about it was to "see if I would man up and marry me". We had been dating for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 23:22 - United States

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said that he needed to get rid of them anyhow because "classical music makes him horny." I'm his seventeen year old granddaughter. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Emo_Gir_Lover - 14/02/2016 23:14 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I woke up to find hat I drunkenly bought a pet fox. I can't return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By FMLISAIGHT - 14/02/2016 23:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, My girlfriend decided to surprise me while working at a restraint, with another guy, I had too serve them while smiling and choking back tears. On the bill, she just wrote sorry and didn't give a tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ididntdoitiswear - 14/02/2016 23:06 - United States - Phoenix

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, I handed my mom a coke. It suggested she share one with her dad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By no love for me pls - 14/02/2016 22:59 - United States - New York

Today, I received a lovely bouquet of flowers delivered to my high school. I don't know who sent them, and my parents are denying having sent them. The tag was overly creepy. "I can't wait to see you in your bed." I'm thoroughly freaked the fuck out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Antman0406 - 14/02/2016 22:58 - Australia - Fremantle

Today, I had my birthday. So I decided to hang out with my girlfriend and then with my best friend. But at the end of the day. My girlfriend decided to "tag" along and met my best friend. They forgot I was there, and left me behind. She later left me and is now dating my best friend, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By My mother is so stupid - 14/02/2016 22:55 - Australia - Golden Grove

Today, my mother held the front door wide open as she signed for a parcel. Meanwhile, our grumpy 16 year old dog ran from my room to the front door barking aggressively. My mother still left the front door open, and was 'surprised' when he apparently attacked the woman's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HappyVday - 14/02/2016 22:48 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I found out that my husband is having an affair when the gift he got for his mistress was accidentally sent to me.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HappyVday - 14/02/2016 22:48 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I found out that my husband is having an affair when the gift he got for his mistress was accidentally sent to me.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 14/02/2016 22:45 - United States - Guntersville

Today, I got something for Valentine's Day that I wasn't expecting. My period. Two weeks early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Pando - 14/02/2016 22:42 - Ecuador - Quito

Today, i traveled back from a week long vacation with my wife. My bag was randomly picked for security check and the police found tons of women's underwear and a vibrator. He had no idea what it was so he sniffed it before asking. I had to watch him with a straight face to avoid getting arrested FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jamiered - 14/02/2016 22:18 - United States - Cliffwood

Today, I was suppose to take the ACT which I have been studying for the past 3 months for. Two days ago I became very sick and have hardly been able to get out of bed. The next ACT test isn't for another 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FalloutScrolls - 14/02/2016 22:14 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, it's the first time in over 2 weeks that my wife and I have off of work on the same day. Too bad her period is about 3 days early. My bloody valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Raina8008 - 14/02/2016 21:44 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I realized I don't love my fiancée anymore and decided to break it off because she is controlling, manipulate and abusive. My cat is still at her apartment since I can't have one right now and pretty much everybody I know is allergic to cats. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ALittleFreak - 14/02/2016 21:36 - United States - Lansing

Today, I was trying to be romantic for my boyfriend, so I put out hearts and balloons as a surprise when he came home. Instead, he came home, pushes me away and sits on the toilet and let's out the most violent diarrhea I've ever heard and yelled at me to get him water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while at my parents' house, I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 497

You deserved it 18 095

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 293

You deserved it 3 807

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 548

You deserved it 10 692

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 432

You deserved it 4 560

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 227

You deserved it 5 021

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 957

You deserved it 26 876