Nearly FMLs

By i deserve it - 15/02/2016 18:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got back my assignment results for one of my most difficult online uni modules. There was also a peer-to-peer marking component which I then realised I'd completely forgotten to do, earning myself a massive 60% grade penalty. If it weren't for that, I could've gotten a perfect score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By foureyes - 15/02/2016 17:56 - United States - Flagstaff

Today my boyfriend and I celebrated our two year anniversary. We were enjoying a romantic hike on our favorite trail when he decided to tell me that he thought my glasses were unattractive. The glasses I wear every day that I thought he loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Better not have AIDS - 15/02/2016 17:27 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at the used clothing store I work at I was sorting a box of new donations when I pricked my hand on something. It was a used needle.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Aurora Alpha - 15/02/2016 17:25 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, in the boutique I work in. A customer's mom came in extremely furious and started screaming complaints to the owner for my passive-aggressive insults. What did I do? Earlier, I sold her daughter a pair of jeans. Her waistline is 50, but I failed to notice the tag was misprinted as a 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By kawaiitrash - 15/02/2016 17:23 - United States - Medford

Today, while I was babysitting my 5 year old niece she told me I was sinful, then she drew me a picture of my head being amputated...her dad won't be back till tomorrow and I'm scared... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By fatfly - 15/02/2016 17:19 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, I was trying to be cool with the girl I've loved forever on our first date. I nonchalantly took my gum out and threw it into a skip we were passing. Instead of going in the skip, it went in her eye. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By xmrshendersonxx - 15/02/2016 17:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend, but when he went to move me slightly he ended up throwing me head-first into the wall. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bathroom buddies - 15/02/2016 17:09 - United States

Today, I'm in the girls work bathroom taking a shit. There are 8 other open stalls and in walks some chick who happens to decide to use the one directly next to mine rather than the other open ones. Then proceeds to sob uncontrollably while I shit my brains out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IT WAS THE SALT WATER - 15/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I had two cups in my hands, one full of salt water to clean my newly pierced cartilage, and the other full of fresh water. Guess which one I drank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By player20270 - 15/02/2016 16:53 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, I realized I spend too much time at work when I couldn't take a dump at home because it didn't feel natural. I was forced to stay home for a week due to an accident. It's going to be a long week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lonely - 15/02/2016 16:51 - United States - Annapolis

Today, my crush and I were exchanging quick glances at each other. After making eye contact, he asked, "Why are you always staring at me?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jacoobie - 15/02/2016 16:38 - United States - East Providence

Today, my brother learned to swim, he's 5. I still can't swim and I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Harry - 15/02/2016 16:36 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I found out the girl I met last week and lost my virginity to on valentines day was a prostitute hired by my friend to fake a relationship and take my virginity so I'd stop complaining about being a virgin. Yeah, I'm no longer a virgin, but now I'm heartbroken over a fake relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/02/2016 16:00 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my wife ripped me a new asshole for forgetting our anniversary. We haven't even been married a year. Today is her anniversary from her previous marriage. When I pointed out the date on our marriage certificate on the wall, she slapped me and stomped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CJLD - 15/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Thief River Falls

Today, I finally built up the courage to get this girl I've been seeing a big teddy bear and some chocolates for Valentine's Day. I surprised her at work only for her to take me into the back and tell me I need to back off a little bit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By bad parenting - 15/02/2016 15:05 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, while working at a movie theatre, this mom and her 12 year old purchased tickets to see Deadpool. I warned her of what some of the content is, but she insisted it was fine. 45 minutes later, she stormed out to my ticket booth and started screaming that I didn't tell her what was in it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihaveabadlife - 15/02/2016 14:42 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to a public forum for the black lives matter protesters. Things were going good until they decided to protest and barricade the place not letting anyone in or out. Stuff got trashed so I hid under a desk . Someone flipped the desk and broke my foot. She is refusing to pay. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By backyardasian - 15/02/2016 14:41 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I learned how cheap my workplace toilet papers were. While wiping my ass my fingers ripped through and went up my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bloody pants - 15/02/2016 14:37 - United States - King George

Today, I am out of pads. That would be fine, except I also started my period today. That would be fine too, except it also snowed 6 inches this morning and I won't be able to leave the house for the next couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihaveabadlife - 15/02/2016 14:28 - United States - Newark

Today, I had to go to my great great grandmothers funeral. I wasn't very connected to her and never got to know her very well. She was losing her mind and prayed for God to take her every day. During the ceremony I was the only one not crying. I got called a snobby nose bitch when all could hear.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SorryForTheSurprise - 15/02/2016 14:18 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today the father of my child finally told his mother that I'm pregnant. Her reaction was to have a break down, shout, cry and eventually storm out the house. Sorry for the surprise. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By The_ghetto_mango - 15/02/2016 13:59 - United States - Peculiar

Today, I was petting my cat, when suddenly he decided to scratch me through my eye. I may go blind in that eye, and the reason my cat scratched me was because I was absentmindedly petting his crusty butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By prissysgirl16 - 15/02/2016 13:53 - United States - Boerne

Today, I gave my boyfriend his Valentine's present that I spent hours putting together. When it was time for him to give me my gift, he told me that he got us a one day subscription to a porn site for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/02/2016 13:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a county band concert and I woke up sick. Since I'm the only piccolo player, I took some drugs and went anyway. When I got home all I wanted to do was sleep, but instead I'm mentally counting rests still and jolting myself awake thinking I missed my entrance every time I doze off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By scififemme - 15/02/2016 13:38 - United States - Fairfax

Today, my dog jumped up on my bed, gave me two gentle licks on the cheek, then burped in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Scarlet1344 - 15/02/2016 13:38 - United States - Phenix City

Today, I am sore as hell. I'm a massage therapist and had 18 appointments from Friday-Sunday. I come home last night to no vday surprises from my man. Not even a "happy valentines day" and had to reheat dinner for myself. Glad I made so many other couples happy this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By salii321 - 15/02/2016 12:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I came out to my mum. She told me it must've been watching too much Ellen that influenced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheGreatGibby - 15/02/2016 12:13 - United States - Traverse City

Today, at the airport I was wearing a University of Michigan sweatshirt. If you didn't know, as a Michigan fan every time you see U of M clothing you say "go blue". My dad over heard someone saying this to me and accused me of being in a cult, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NickACD - 15/02/2016 12:06 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I am able to sympathize with women on their periods as a hemorrhoid popped while I was at school. It then bled through my underwear and created a very noticeable red stain on my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Valentine's sucks - 15/02/2016 10:49 - United States - Cleveland

Today, upon asking my boyfriend what he wanted in exchange for my promise ring for Valentine's Day he told me all he wanted was anal. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, out of spite, my ex bought our autistic son a puppy. He's always wanted a dog and I can’t imagine how violent he will get if I tell him we can’t keep it. Since the divorce, I can barely feed us, so a dog is an expensive luxury we simply can’t afford, and my ex knows that. Pure spite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 162

Today, our bathroom is so cold that my shea butter and homemade coconut oil toothpaste are too hard to get out of the jar. Yes, that’s the same room I get naked in twice a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 229

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 430

You deserved it 5 037

Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 71

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 796

You deserved it 7 936

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID, and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then went on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 005

You deserved it 42 424