Nearly FMLs

By FluffyWalrusFTW - 16/02/2016 03:54 - United States - Clinton

Today, I decided to give up soda for lent. I'm not an overly religious person, but I like the challenge. I'm also a hardcore soda addict. Not even 24 hours in and I already got a headache from caffeine withdrawal FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DrSam - 16/02/2016 03:52 - United States - Tujunga

Today, I went to the movies and got carded. The cashier refused my ID, insisted it was fake, called the cops and bent my ID trying to break it in half. I'm 27 years old and I missed my movie.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dragons14y3r - 16/02/2016 03:43 - United States - Valdosta

Today, after 8 years of trying, my wife is pregnant. Too bad the kid isn't mine.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By no. you cant - 16/02/2016 03:42 - United States - La Verne

Today, my cousin asked me if it was alright if she changed her tampon. While sitting in the passengers seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By okaythen... - 16/02/2016 03:34 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I was at a local Chapters and made a comment about a pile of books stacked next to my friend. They all were about Mental health so I said "someone must be having a lot of mental problems," a Small woman turned around and said, "Those are mine," FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Brian426v - 16/02/2016 03:32 - United States - Turlock

Today, Valentines day, wine, sea food, rented condo on the beach, close group of friends....wife gets drunk and spends the evening talking about her ex boyfriend and how many of our friends she had dated in high school....FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon11 - 16/02/2016 03:31 - United States - Northbrook

Today, I got my report card back showing a 4.6 GPA which is something I'm proud of especially for having a brain tumor and missing a lot of school. My mother however does not think that a 4.6 GPA is enough and said to me that since I'm failing at everything I might as well just die now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FuckYouJakob - 16/02/2016 03:29 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, for Valentine's Day, my gift from my boyfriend was finding him in bed with my 'best friend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 16/02/2016 03:28 - United States - Cumming

Today, just as things start getting intense while going down on my boyfriend, his brother barges into the room. Not only did this make things awkward, it also made a mess all over my clothes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hatemylife - 16/02/2016 03:23 - United States - Blair

Today, I was in an argument with my 70 year old father and he ended up saying well why don't you go cry about it? I'm bipolar and did just that. Right as my girlfriend was done proposing to me. Guess who is single now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 16/02/2016 03:23 - United States - San Pedro

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me to tell me that he only dated me to get to my brother. We dated for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By completely_underwhelmed - 16/02/2016 03:14 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend laughed at an FML about a husband who never gives his wife an orgasm. He has never once given me one or even tried. He thinks it's ridiculous that she was complaining. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By choochee02 - 16/02/2016 03:11 - United States - Miami

Today, I walked in on my mother's boyfriend about to take a shower. The only thing I could do was offer him the Tic Tacs I was holding in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bubbles - 16/02/2016 03:00 - United States - Berwick

Today a presenter was showing us her Facebook for a social media class. We were to say things she liked. A picture came up with flowers in a room. My friend and I were laughing at dumb jokes. She said they're for her mom for her anniversary cause her dad passed 8 years ago. We were mid-laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 02:38 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I caught my girlfriend using the vibrations on her phone to masterbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By adoY - 16/02/2016 02:28 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today I was driving my car for the last time, taking it to a used dealer to trade it in. With less than two miles to the joint, I crash into a telephone pole as I ogle an attractive young lady on the sidewalk. Car totaled and can't afford the new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By thomasrasmussen7 - 16/02/2016 02:16 - United States - Tuckerton

Today, my science teacher told us on our test from now on that there will be "challenge problems" to get an A. They're based upon nothing we've learned, gone over, done examples of or been taught in class. There goes my semi-decent grade. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By takeawaymyeyes - 16/02/2016 02:15 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I was looking for batteries and my mom told me to look in her bedside table. I didn't find any batteries but I did find three different flavors of lube. my parents have grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckyoudad - 16/02/2016 02:06 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today,after cleaning the house and buying my mom a very expensive necklace for her birthday, I went to take out the trash.When I came back in my dad was giving the necklace to my mom and taking credit for cleaning the house.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BadLuck - 16/02/2016 02:05 - United States - Long Beach

Today, after four months of my car being in the body shop, right as i was leaving the shop, someone crashed into my car. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 02:01 - United States - Nanuet

Today, my high school dropout daughter told me she wants to homeschool her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By asian_problems - 16/02/2016 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, i was studying at Starbucks and needed to use the washroom. I go and find the door unlocked, I open it and some old dude was taking a piss. This wouldn't have mentally scarred me as much if he didn't turn around and piss all over me...which he did...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Frustrated - 16/02/2016 01:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my date needed to be canceled as my boyfriend couldn't make it. The reason? His best friend took his car knowing he needed it. This is also the best friend that made him unable to see me on Valentine's Day and miss my birthday. He doesn't understand why I don't like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By grounded girl - 16/02/2016 01:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom grounded me for swearing. I'm 18 and said the word, "heck".FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By positive - 16/02/2016 01:44 - United States - Denver

Today while cleaning out my bathroom cabinets I found an old pregnancy test. I checked the expiration date and it was still good. So for a good laugh I took it. Guess who's laughing now??

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Clumsyaf - 16/02/2016 01:42 - United States - Flint

Today, I managed to spill the oil from the deep fryer all over the floor, my legs and my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LittleGina - 16/02/2016 01:30 - United States - Roxboro

Today, we took my 6-month-old cat to get spayed, only to find out that he was a boy this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 01:30 - United States

Today, I spent weeks planning something special for VDay. I cooked a wonderful meal that took hours to prepare, I ordered a custom gift, and he ended up giving me something that he liked, just in pink. I don't even like this stupid holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 01:25 - United States - Roxboro

Today, my dog put a twist on eating my homework. He threw up on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 01:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, after spending 10 minutes cleaning raw chicken juice off of my register, a child proceeded to throw up all over me, and the register I'd just cleaned. The mom walked out without saying a word, and my boss won't let me change my work clothes. Officially, the worst work day ever! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 323

You deserved it 35 538

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employees decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 62 569

Today, I was supposed to have my advising appointment for my next semester of college. When I got to campus, it was windy and raining so heavily that my clothes were sopping wet within a minute of stepping out of my car. My advisor didn't show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 996

You deserved it 273

Today, while I was in confession telling my sins to the priest, he called me a "pain in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 643

You deserved it 9 929

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 292

You deserved it 419

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 596

You deserved it 7 546