Nearly FMLs

By leavemealone - 16/02/2016 12:51 - United States - Miami

Today, my phone won't stop ringing because of people who want to know why I don't respond to their emails. I receive 10 emails a minute, which means Outlook is pretty much always frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sneezingAroundTheClock - 16/02/2016 12:21 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my brother got a cat. I'm allergic to cats. He's decided to keep it inside and my mom agrees that's best for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Achoo - 16/02/2016 11:58 - Australia - Southbank

Today, while driving I managed to hit a side rail because I'd sneezed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By clay man - 16/02/2016 11:48 - Australia - Pymble

Today, I learnt how it felt to be made fun of by your girlfriend in front of her friends followed by being invited to the movies, only to be forgotten by all your friends and not get picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bawsack - 16/02/2016 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going home after visiting my sister. Just as she dropped me at the train station, I realised I had forgot my wallet at hers. She gave me cash for my ticket home then left. The machine only took card so I had to call her to come back. I missed my train. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By procrastinator8 - 16/02/2016 11:02 - United States - Westchester

Today I stared at my homework for 12 hours while getting distracted on my phone. Due to my procrastination I just finished my homework and I'm going to bed. It's almost 6 in the morning. I have to get up in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By allynicki14 - 16/02/2016 10:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by text after being together for over 2 years. He then asked if he could still use my Netflix account so that he didn't have to start over on his episode of "Skins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By owwwww - 16/02/2016 10:00 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I got a complete Brazilian bikini wax and couldn't wait to show my boyfriend. He was so excited he went down on me without hesitation. It would've been amazing had it not felt like I was being sand papered to death. Do you know how painful it is to have a beard rubbing newly bare skin? Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Csapo - 16/02/2016 09:24 - Hungary - Dejt?r

Today, my brother offered me a Nutella sandwich, me loving Nutella I gratefully accepted, only after I bit into it I tasted that it wasn't Nutella it was my dogs fresh shit FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fastfoodprobs - 16/02/2016 07:47 - United States - Mcalester

Today, I was at work. My coworkers and I were getting ready to close and clean our lobby when three people came in ten minutes before closing time. They asked when we closed, and when we said ten, they said, "Perfect!" They then proceeded to order food and stay until eleven talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By blinded - 16/02/2016 07:03 - United States - Frisco

Today, working as a carhop at the local sonic, I walked up to a car that two boys decided was the perfect place for their sexual experience. I just witness vigorous oral sex in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By neocllns - 16/02/2016 07:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my gf of one year, for whom I divorced my wife of 14 years for, deleted all the pictures we took while on a Valentine's Day night out because she's too embarrassed of me and doesn't want anybody to accidentally find out we actually date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By firefox9778 - 16/02/2016 06:58 - United States - Louisville

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. It was a fun experience, minus the broken bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sparkyfire - 16/02/2016 06:49 - United States - Richmond

Today, I lost the only friend I had who stayed through my separation and divorce... Right as I find out I have cancer. No explanation... Just silence and hateful words when I tried to call to ask why. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By emotional - 16/02/2016 06:48 - United States - King George

Today, I cried over a meme. It showed Jesus hugging a dinosaur with the text "I'm so sorry Rex, the Ark is full". I hate PMS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, after watching the TV Show 1000 Ways To Die, I was stupid enough to try the Cinnamon Challenge. I wound up in the ER with Breathing Problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By justme203 - 16/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I found out what was happening to my dog's treats. I thought she was able to get them in the center island somehow, but it was my roommate. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By christinaannxo - 16/02/2016 06:15 - United States - Angola

Today, I was petting my cat when I noticed a piece of string by his tail. I didn't think much of it & pulled it off. Turns out it wasn't string, it was a piece of tinsel & it wasn't just hanging on his tail, it was hanging out his butt. I don't know where he got it let alone why he ate it but FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By fml1234 - 16/02/2016 05:55 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I spent $200 and 2 and half hours of my time at the hair salon dyeing my hair brown because my husband kept making comment about how he wished I was a brunette. I hadn't told him I was doing it wanting to surprise him so I walked in all excited and all I got was "it looks ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KayleeFrye - 16/02/2016 05:40 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I was passed over for a promotion that my boss recommended me for. Turns out it went to the new girl who has worked there for less than a year. Apparently sleeping with the mayor is a better career move than 8 years of hard work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ccat209 - 16/02/2016 04:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to my cat eating my hair. I woke up an hour later to my cat coughing up a hair ball. On my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 04:49

Today, my mom invited over a friend to help me get over a break up, only to find out while she was in the bathroom that he sent her a message saying "I'm so glad I broke up with her we can finally be together" making me feel worse FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SwiftNerd - 16/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Belleville

Today my now currently ex gf told me she was cheating on me right after my hernia surgery because she thought I wouldn't remember. I remember....FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DrSam - 16/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to the movies and got carded. The cashier refused my ID, insisted it was fake, called the cops and bent my ID trying to break it in half. I'm 27 years old and I missed my movie. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kiernan151 - 16/02/2016 04:39 - United States - Stewart

Today, I left my puppy alone in the house for the first time for ten minutes. Since she's potty trained I figured she would behave. If only she hadn't pissed on my very expensive gaming computer she would have been perfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By moneyisaficklething - 16/02/2016 04:38 - United States - Pomona

Today, seven years and two kids into our marriage, my husband still thinks it's a bad idea to join bank accounts because "it's too hard to separate them again". Who knew we would have to ever separate them? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kallian - 16/02/2016 04:27 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my dad decided it was time to give me the "sex talk". It consisted of him pointing at my vagina and saying, "Honey, that... THAT is precious..." Then looking me straight in the eyes for 5 minutes while whispering, "Precious... precious..." I'll never have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sarahturtle - 16/02/2016 04:17 - United States - Marysville

Today, I found my recently made ex on tinder. This wouldn't be a problem except he broke up with me because he didn't want to date and said he needed to be alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RiftenGuard - 16/02/2016 04:16

Today, Today, I met my mothers new boyfriend. I felt like a knew him from somewhere and remembered him from a drunken hookup a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By idk - 16/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Slidell

Today, my girlfriend dumped me... Guess who she's dating- you guessed it... My best friend. The thing that sucks the most is I'm in a group project with both of them. They never stop kissing long enough to get any work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 148

Today, I burned my tongue. With a flat iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 985

You deserved it 57 752

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 162

You deserved it 7 389

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 424

You deserved it 3 563

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 73 637

Today, a stranger at a bird show yelled at me for owning an "unnatural and irresponsibly bred" hybrid lorikeet. He's a rescue who was horribly abused in his last home. Fuck me for giving a shit about animals even if they're not pure I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 114