Nearly FMLs

By stressed - 17/02/2016 00:24 - United States - Stafford

Today, I was working on homework and other school work I missed while I was absent to get my tonsils removed. It was getting late and I was happy that I was almost done. Then I looked over and saw a whole packet of math, completely untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cheeeksss - 17/02/2016 00:19 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I learned the hard way that even though my mouth loves spicy food, my arse does not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SadNerd - 17/02/2016 00:03 - United Kingdom - Lancaster

Today, I'm finally going to see the movie I've waited YEARS for: Deadpool. Today is also the day AFTER my colleagues all saw it as a group. Not only was I not invited, but I've also had every moment of it spoiled, in detail. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NellieeNell - 17/02/2016 00:01 - United States - Raleigh

Today, after months of having no luck in the dating world I finally got asked out on a date. The guy happened to be my sisters best friend. He's 16, I'm 20. I'm not sure what's worst. The fact he felt pity on me to ask or the fact I actually considered saying yes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Slow down please - 16/02/2016 23:59 - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, my parents were discussing how much they are going to enjoy having grandchildren. I'm seventeen and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sad birthday - 16/02/2016 23:46 - United States - Augusta

Today, despite me reminding my fiancé every day for two weeks that my birthday was today he forgot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mzclutchie - 16/02/2016 23:34 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I called in to work because my aunt died unexpectedly during the night. My boss fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tlnorman - 16/02/2016 23:20 - Canada

Today, I am now able to tell when one particular janitor comes into the bathroom. She grunts and groans when she exerts herself cleaning, and when she uses the bathroom she makes the weirdest noises and talks to herself. I have to sit in absolute silence to avoid having any contact with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nick02 - 16/02/2016 22:53 - United States - Windermere

A few years ago, I had to get a patch test to see if I was allergic to cats. I came back positive for everything, including the adhesive on the patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ReiracsNeve - 16/02/2016 22:50 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while on a bus ride home, I noticed something on the front of my seat. Apparently the kid in front of me had been putting his boogers there for ten minutes without me noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 22:45 - United States - New York

Today, my sister-in-law was extremely rude to me after I drove her to work for free. When I informed my brother later, he said I was trying to instigate a fight between them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fml52599 - 16/02/2016 22:37 - United States - New Market

Today, the guy I've been in love with who for about 4years has said he loves me too came over to my house after work. When he left I got a bunch of calls from a random number. I finally answered and was told it was his girlfriend and wanted to know if anything was going on between him and me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 5starchef - 16/02/2016 22:28 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my sister thinks that mixing ranch dressing and salsa makes it Thousand Island. She's been to culinary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By embarrasseddaughter - 16/02/2016 21:56 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was showing my dad a funny video on my phone. As he was watching it my boyfriend texted me about the "amazing blow job" I had given him the day before. And yes, my dad saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By colvitt - 16/02/2016 21:51 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, the guy I have a crush on decided his friend and I would make a cute couple. He's not giving up, and I'm too chicken to tell him I'm interested in him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By thunderbuns4 - 16/02/2016 21:47 - United States - Southlake

Today, my friend had the bright idea to chase me down the corridor of my school. I wasn't looking were I was going and ran right into the girl of my dreams, knocking all of her stuff to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Eye Sore - 16/02/2016 21:39 - United States - Brattleboro

Today, I have an eye appointment for my new contacts. My mom told me to get clean before the appointment, so I got into to shower. As I was washing my hair, some shampoo decided to fly into my right eye. Maybe that's what she meant by clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sadbaker:( - 16/02/2016 21:37

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I am a pastry chef at a bakery that makes more than 3000 pastries every day. Not only do I need my coworker to help taste test my cooking, but I am constantly surrounded by thousands of delectable baked goods which I can never eat again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Catdragon - 16/02/2016 21:13 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I just realized I had dirty games on my old computer. It's currently in the repair shop and I remembered the lady said she liked my artwork. There's no way she didn't see the games in my files. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 20:47

Today I learned that the mortgage lender won't give me a mortgage because my credit is 18 points below their threshold. My rent is the equivalent of a payment on a 300,000 house; their credit tool shows if I had a mortgage for 150,000 my credit score would go up 18 points. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By netflixwithgranny - 16/02/2016 20:35 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out what Netflix and chill means but only after suggesting it to my whole family, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 20:27 - United States - Wheeling

Today, I found out that a girl I asked out has started seeing not one. Not two, but FIVE other guys (two of which know about each other) after I asked her out. She even said yes when I asked her too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bad timing - 16/02/2016 20:21 - United States - Little Falls

Today, I cut the inside of my lower lip on my braces so it stings whenever I move my mouth. I have to play a clarinet solo in front of hundreds of people tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LadyLol - 16/02/2016 20:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had incredible sex with a man I've been secretly in love with for months. Just as we finished, his girlfriend called. The one he'd told me he had broken up with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 20:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while walking at the mall I got an eye full when someone in short booty shorts sat with their legs spread wide open. It was a middle aged man. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unapologetic - 16/02/2016 20:03 - United States - New Britain

Today, I woke up hopeful for the first time in months of unemployment. Yesterday I noticed a local company had posted an ad for a position that I'm not only abundantly qualified for, but would really enjoy doing. On my way to apply, I checked the ad one last time. They've already taken it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 'Frustrated' - 16/02/2016 19:37 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I was on my computer when an e-mail popped up containing nudes and 'I can't wait to finally meet you' messages from a woman that my boyfriend has been in contact with for three months. His excuse is that he was 'sexually frustrated.' I gave birth to our daughter three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EarlieBurd - 16/02/2016 19:32 - Uzbekistan - Tashkent

Today, at taxi stop, a pretty lady dropped her iPhone, I picked it and tried to give it back, but she must have thought I was stalking her, quickly got on cab and drove off. I left her phone on in hope she'll call back, but after 3 hours police arrived at my office on phone theft case. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By drkate25 - 16/02/2016 19:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, I had to get a cortisone shot in my hand to reduce pain and locking in my joints. I hate needles but was trying to be brave. I was doing ok until the doctor said he could feel the scar tissue with his needle as he was injecting me. Good thing he had smelling salts handy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GeminiGalaxies - 16/02/2016 19:27 - Canada - Bolton

Today, I put my daughter down for a nap. After leaving the room. I enter my living room to find out my dog raided the garbage can and tore open some shitty diapers. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 787

You deserved it 6 054

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 296

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 388

You deserved it 3 663

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 3 084

Today, I was debating if I actually do talk to myself. I was having this conversation with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 084

You deserved it 7 597

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 913

You deserved it 1 377