Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 17/02/2016 06:22 - United States - Portland

Today, I walked up to ask my professor a question. He slammed his laptop close as I walked up, but not before I managed to see what was open. It was a naked girl. More specifically, my naked girlfriend.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Rocco - 17/02/2016 05:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got into a a really intense make out session with my girlfriend. When I went to take my shirt off I lifted my hand into the ceiling fan breaking my pinky finger. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FMLsy - 17/02/2016 05:13 - Georgia

Today, I put up a picture of a rat and it got more likes than the pictures of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to take a nap together in bed. I woke up to him giggling and drawing a dick on my forehead. In sharpie. We weren't able to get it off entirely, so I had to go to class later with a faded penis on my face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sunny_moonbeam - 17/02/2016 05:11 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my birthday, I received a chocolate bar from my grandmother. It isn't until after eating them that I realized that those chocolates we're laxatives. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By davidknackmann - 17/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Placerville

Today, I mistook the Clorox-whipes next to the toilet at a friends house for wetwhipes. My asshole is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Savage Smith - 17/02/2016 05:02 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, there was someone who was unconscious from drowning so I did CPR on them. As I blew air into her mouth the water came up and went into mine and I accidentally swallowed it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By excusemewhileicry - 17/02/2016 04:55 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I found out that my dream job wanted me to come in for an interview! Two weeks ago. But they emailed me from a suspicious sounding email address, so it was marked as spam. The position has now been filled. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Savage Smith - 17/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, my little brother told me that mom was crying, so I went by her door and heard her and my dad moaning. So I told him she's not crying she's just losing in a wrestling match with dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ANNONOMOUS - 17/02/2016 04:16 - Australia

Today, my mum threatened to kick me out because I was angry at my brother for stealing my car keys and then crashing it into a pole whilst trying to do a burnout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By enginerd - 17/02/2016 04:00 - United States - Bryan

Today, the cute girl from high school who said I was too nerdy showed up to my house after she heard I became an electrical engineer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By need to move - 17/02/2016 03:59 - United States - Burlington

Today, my roommate got a set of bongo drums. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jacky051 - 17/02/2016 03:54 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was at the airport and was looking at the flight board to see what the status of my flight was. Out of 200+ flights guess who's was canceled? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Notactuallyajerk - 17/02/2016 03:52 - Canada - Leslieville

Today, a female friend wanted to come with me for a ride on my motorcycle. I had to break it to her that she was too heavy for the bike to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oops - 17/02/2016 03:50 - United States - Burlington

Today, I forgot I'd made plans to hang out with my friend, and hung out with my boyfriend instead. When I came home and asked my friend why the kitchen was a mess, he said he'd had plans to clean it, but decided hanging out with someone else was more important. Then I remembered our plans. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Triumph679 - 17/02/2016 03:37 - United States - Mchenry

Today, I was off of school so I decided to clean the kitchen and water the plants to surprise my parents. When they got home the first thing they told me was that I needed to clean up my clothes, then my dad said, "You didn't water the plants enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 03:22 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while trying to send a picture to a friend on the family tablet. What I discovered were nudes of my mother, who had passed away last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NatureCalling - 17/02/2016 03:10 - United States

Today, I slipped while taking a dump in the woods. I got a birds egg lodged in my anus and poison ivy on my legs and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 17/02/2016 03:09 - United States - Gallipolis

Today, one of my guy friends were asking how to get a girl aroused easily. I explained to him a slight smack on the ass is hot in my opinion. He tested the smack on my books and shouted, "Was that hard enough?" Everyone in the class just stared at us. I'm now known as the girl that's into BDSM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 03:07 - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning, but my kids spent hours messing, so when guests arrived my house looked like I'd done nothing. After guests left, I yelled at my kids even though I'm trying to be a gentle parent. They laughed at me. I'm crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ratboy07 - 17/02/2016 03:03 - United States

Today, after getting off of the Royal Caribbean cruise that had all kinds of problems, I was relieved to finally get back on land. Relieved until I realized my car wouldn't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jpruitt2525 - 17/02/2016 03:00 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss when through a recent breakout and thought it would be helpful to fire the person that looked like his lover. Guess who. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Swandive235 - 17/02/2016 02:53 - United States - Arvada

Today, after practice I tried for 30 minutes to call my mom to get a ride home because my house is 5 miles away. Though she never answered. I then walked home with a 20 pound backpack. When I got home, my mom was sitting on the couch watching T.V. Her response "I thought you were already home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 02:51 - United States - West Chester

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him that I had to cancel our date and that I was sorry. He told me to go fuck myself and hung up without even giving me a chance to explain. My grandma died unexpectedly. No one else in my family lives close by and I didn't want my grandpa to be alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RandomLG94 - 17/02/2016 02:23 - United States - Columbia

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Because I had spinal surgery and had to call out for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cantfixme36 - 17/02/2016 02:22 - Canada - Kingsville

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for cutting my hair. I thought he was joking when he said I had "better never get a haircut". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cmon - 17/02/2016 01:41 - United States - New York

Today, my mom bitched at me for not taking better care of my appearance when I've been sick for the past week while simultaneously working from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By suspectedcheater - 17/02/2016 01:41

Today, I turned in the final English paper I had worked on for several weeks. I had posted it on a website the day before, to show others what I had written and was called into the teacher's office for "plagiarism", even after showing them that I had written it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ButterSweet - 17/02/2016 01:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was told I would not be getting a raise that's two years over due, because I am in college and will be leaving the company in three years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I just need to have sex - 17/02/2016 01:04 - United States - Moyock

Today, I was masturbating and I moaned super loud. Looked up and all three cats and my dog were in my room just staring at me. FML

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You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 827

You deserved it 71 908

Today, I walked to an interview on my college campus. I got there early. The place was empty. I assumed I wrote the date wrong. Several hours later, a friend who also was interviewed asked me how my interview went. The date, time and location were all right. I don't know how I got lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 039

You deserved it 3 755

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 024

You deserved it 480

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 873

You deserved it 8 611

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 39 545

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 523

You deserved it 18 948