This member hasn't filled in their description.
midnightm16's FML badges
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
midnightm16's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML
by xd3box / 07/25/2012 at 12:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML
by k / 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Transportation
by Brax / 05/30/2012 at 5:46am / United States / Intimacy
by dany / 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML
by CalyenaL / 05/12/2012 at 9:35pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Health
Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML
by bummed / 04/15/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by feminismlol / 04/06/2012 at 12:45am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by George Saunders / 03/21/2012 at 12:06am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/27/2012 at 7:29am / United States / Health
by Gothicbunnyx3 / 02/20/2012 at 8:43pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…