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jd3773's favorite FMLs
by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
by kacysospacyy / 07/15/2011 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money
by Username / 06/20/2011 at 11:57am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by MegaBear / 06/15/2011 at 1:46am / United States / Work
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 7:22am / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
by fufu_mutt / 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Animals
Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
- Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing… Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was… Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told…