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Tiffosaurus's favorite FMLs
Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML
by Happyunlucky / 07/20/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML
by anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 9:53am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML
by WasntMe / 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 10:55am / United States / Work
Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML
by :-( / 07/17/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML
by Orchard / 07/16/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
by So little trust. / 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; you're not." FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 12:53pm / United States / Love
by ouch / 07/12/2013 at 3:22am / United States / Miscellaneous