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Raytysbird

Offline (the 11/03/2015 at 3:20pm) | Search for a member

Raytysbird

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 April 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1338
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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The Mixer

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Raytysbird's favorite FMLs

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

#21475264
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27661) - you deserved it (1953)

On 10/02/2015 at 6:22am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

#21469567
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35415) - you deserved it (2451)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm - kids - by Angus (man) - France

Today, it was my dad's retirement. He is traditional Japanese, so I had custom-ordered a samurai sword from a traditional Japanese blacksmith with dad's name engraved on the blade in kanji script. He loved it, right up til my drunk cousin tried to use it to cut down a tree and snapped it in two. FML

#21469447
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27878) - you deserved it (1526)

On 09/17/2015 at 7:13am - misc - by Ryoichi (man) - Germany

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML

#21468899
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28001) - you deserved it (1404)

On 09/15/2015 at 6:31pm - misc - by Stairs? Noooooo - United States (California)

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

#21467432
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25320) - you deserved it (2678)

On 09/11/2015 at 8:54pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - Australia

Today, someone photoshopped my head onto some nude girl's body and spread it around at school. It was shockingly convincing. Now everyone's calling me a slut, and the worst part is I have no idea which photo the person used or where they got it from, so I can't prove it's a fake. FML

#21467285
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26702) - you deserved it (1582)

On 09/11/2015 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

#21459013
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24832) - you deserved it (1722)

On 08/21/2015 at 8:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

#21456687
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29306) - you deserved it (3252)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

#21455905
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29203) - you deserved it (1696)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast')

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

#21454970
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (4194)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

#21448563
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27874) - you deserved it (3541)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm - misc - by Oopsie - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

#21439587
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24928) - you deserved it (3192)

On 07/10/2015 at 2:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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