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Raytysbird

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Raytysbird

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 April 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 618
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Raytysbird's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

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Raytysbird's favorite FMLs

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

#21372747
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25542) - you deserved it (2539)

On 03/11/2015 at 8:36pm - work - by Matei - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42801) - you deserved it (19272)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33149) - you deserved it (6747)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18174) - you deserved it (54574)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30937) - you deserved it (3755)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31781) - you deserved it (4520)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18730) - you deserved it (35537)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

#21354035
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31364) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/11/2015 at 11:11am - kids - by maybe? (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

#21348664
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14794) - you deserved it (40246)

On 02/02/2015 at 10:14pm - health - by toe - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I realized why you should never wear a thong under yoga pants that are a couple of sizes too small. It's a weird thing, seeing your co-workers anus. FML

#21344664
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24074) - you deserved it (2488)

On 01/26/2015 at 6:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

#21344108
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28310) - you deserved it (8318)

On 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by Orgasmataz (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

#21343548
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27612) - you deserved it (3025)

On 01/24/2015 at 4:40pm - love - by whitebitch16 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

#21343515
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33309) - you deserved it (2643)

On 01/24/2015 at 3:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30608) - you deserved it (4145)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28896) - you deserved it (10555)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States



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