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Orchard

Offline (the 03/27/2015 at 2:16am) | Search for a member

Orchard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 14699
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Visits<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>billboob</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 12:42pm<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 12:05pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 12:38am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 11:34pm<b>asmb100</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:10am<b>Evilseed</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 3:50am<b>Furby94</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 4:02pm<b>Raptor73242</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 4:56pm<b>sophielock</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 2:09am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 11:41pm<b>poncho55</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:47pm<b>LordGoober</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:37pm<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:02pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67249) - you deserved it (3738)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

#16391580
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33242) - you deserved it (7596)

On 05/28/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by tb351 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

#16381910
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17240) - you deserved it (41749)

On 05/28/2011 at 1:27am - money - by greenhide8 - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

#16374822
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7661) - you deserved it (72727)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:52pm - love - by nicole - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

#16341227
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9422) - you deserved it (32669)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

#16322705
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28012) - you deserved it (3524)

On 05/24/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43581) - you deserved it (5812)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33047) - you deserved it (20302)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

#16218945
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47131) - you deserved it (7691)

On 05/17/2011 at 6:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

#16131734
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29474) - you deserved it (2522)

On 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm - health - by pigeons_suck (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

#16115344
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14799) - you deserved it (43380)

On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

#16112747
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13623) - you deserved it (23343)

On 05/09/2011 at 11:44pm - work - by helen -

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

#16101682
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30196) - you deserved it (3286)

On 05/09/2011 at 3:05am - misc - by theyarefarapart -

Today, leaving the restaurant I work in, the car next to mine was very crookedly parked. I had a hard time backing out. It turned out the whole restaurant was watching me, and they all started to clap as I drove away. FML

#16060289
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25789) - you deserved it (5219)

On 05/05/2011 at 8:35pm - misc - by parkingisawesome - United States

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

#16054918
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11177) - you deserved it (42885)

On 05/05/2011 at 9:47am - health - by gymgirl (woman) - Hong Kong



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