Nearly FMLs

By Anon2000 - 18/02/2020 04:10

Today, I awoke bursting for a wee. I crept to the bathroom & lifted the toilet lid. Little did I know, I hadn’t lifted it enough to counteract the ‘auto close’. It closed as I sat too pee. My pee splashed back all over me. And my floor. Im a girl. Mopping the floor at 3am. After showing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 18/02/2020 01:38

Today I found out that my coworkers get more Tips than me. I do alot of work (including theirs) except writing down what food the people want. I sit them, I get food for them, I get their bill set, run register, and clean the floors. so I have 10$ today while my coworker has a whopping 127$. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 18/02/2020 01:22

today I went to the ER-I had to wait 5+ hours just to be seen. when I first arrived they asked me to do a pee test- so I said "sure whatever". fast forward to now- they dont know where my pee is, didn't receive it, and I'm concerned someone stole my piss for some unknown reason.

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 6

By "hoodedwolf" - 17/02/2020 21:05

so I'm part of a school program that does a lot of stuff after school. Today it's pizza and a movie. well the pizza went right through me and I'm now stinking up the movie theater bathroom because I got the runs.

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 21:03

I got bootycalled and showed up, only to be told that he was joking and didn’t actually bootycall me.

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 09:18

Today, I remember when I used to be severely depressed for two years over my ex Filipino girlfriend after she rejected me a few years ago. I lost my self-worth and dignity back then. But.. it wasn't worth it being so depressed now that I see that she actually ended up being with a white ****. FML ?

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 43

By yikers - 17/02/2020 00:11

Today, I went out of town on a date with my husband to celebrate my extra large paycheck from all of my overtime at work. I rear ended a car. It was my sister. Goodbye overtime pay, hello deductible and family drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 15

By hannieannie - 16/02/2020 23:34

Today, whilst lying in bed, I dropped my phone on my head so hard that it produced a lump and I gave myself concussion! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 29

By "lovelyhippos" - 16/02/2020 23:19

Today, I read so many horribly written FML posts that got through moderates that I wanted to gouge my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 9

By j - 16/02/2020 23:12

Today the guy watching my 4 year olds cat told me he gave it away a few weeks ago. I’ve been telling her we were going to pick it up next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 10

By LPS8585 - 16/02/2020 16:34 - United States - Detroit

Today, I had special coffee beans ordered and delivered, a nice valentines dinner made and the house nice and clean. My husband brought me a piece of pie for Valentine’s Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 18:34 - United Kingdom

Today my bf saw a guy kick his dog so hard we heard the ribs broke so my bf went and kicked the guys ass before citizen arresting him. When cops arrived the useless pricks arrested my bf for assault and let the other guy go home with his abused dog. UK justice is broke af FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 12:32

Today, I was sending a meme about being single to a group of single friends the night before valentines day. I accidentally sent it to a house mate who had broken up with their bf a few days earlier because he had punched her in the face and tasered her FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 05:31 - United States - Dearborn

I work with my boss's son's girlfriend and a mutual friend of ours. The friend likes me, I like my boss's son.. I love the girlfriend, she's a good friend. i can't say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 11

By Sady_Ct - 16/02/2020 09:56

Today I realised that the FML team are trying to get rid of long time members, by posting crappy and badly written FMLS. There goes my daily ritual of sitting on the shitter and laughing at all the dumb shit other people have to go through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 03:31

the guy that I slept with two months ago, who I've known all my life and use to introduce me as his future wife and who also "forgot" to tell me he had a girlfriend, block me and deleted me from everything after I told him I was pregnant

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 17

By Anon2000 - 16/02/2020 03:14

Today my husband was on the early shift. I woke to a loud, smelly fart & him laying there, looking at me startled. His shift got changed to the late shift. ( Although I have IBS, I’m proud to say that was the 1st time in 12 years I’ve ‘knowingly’ passed wind in front of him). FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 8

By Anon2000 - 16/02/2020 03:05

Today,my hands were full leaving the hs,my cats toy was downstairs so I threw it up.Picked up the handle & figured the end of the elastic could fling back & hit me, so picked up both ends. Threw it upstairs just for the elastic to get caught on what I was holding & the handle hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 00:45

Today.. I realised that 3 of my closest friends, all of whom I introduced to each other, are hanging out all the time.. None have visited or talked to me in months and I spend all my time alone.\nI feel like since I brought all my friends together it left me with none... FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 7

By Anon2000 - 15/02/2020 20:29

Today, I tried to zoom in on a photo in an article I was reading. I was reading a magazine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 17:03

Today, after my girlfriend of almost 5 years graciously offered me her $8000 inheritance to fix my credit she informed me that she blew it all 8 months ago...FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 19

By "zaid spade" - 15/02/2020 13:22 - South Africa - Johannesburg

I had my 1st threesome with a married couple. Everything was going good till me and his wife went 69 with me at the bottom. Husband came in from behind I could not move so for the next 20min his balls was hitting my forehead

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 10:30

Today I got a Valentine for the girl I've been crushing on for longer than I should be made plans to meet up to give it to her , she blew me off to go out to the bars and even better messages me well after midnight. like a fool I replied haven't gotten anything back ?....FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 14/02/2020 22:34 - Canada - Edmonton

So, I took this girl out for Valentines, we’ve been hanging out and going on dates for months. I finally got the courage to ask her out and she said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship.

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 04:09

Today, after years of never having any friends or acquaintances, I finally hung out with one of my coworkers. When she said I was a lot of fun to be around, I got so choked up I couldn't talk and started sobbing. Now she thinks I'm a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 03:10

Had an horrible night out with gf and her girls last night. Gf left her phone in my car. I went throu it. Saw my NUDES in another dudes Snapchat, making fun of me. Gf of 5 months. Gonna break up with her tonight when she gets out of work on valentines... fml

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 00:21

Took my burger to the gate in a paper bag, only to fall through the wet bag’s bottom at the gate: FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 6

By Took my burger to the gate in a paper bag, only to fall through the wet bag’s bottom at the gate: FML - 15/02/2020 00:21

Took my burger to the gate in a paper bag, only to fall through the wet bag’s bottom at the gate: FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 8

By mrfranchize - 14/02/2020 23:42

Today is Valentines Day and this girl I really like was supposed to come over. I put rose petals on the floor, bought a big teddy bear long stem white and red roses had candles burning the whole nine yards and she stood me up after making excuse after excuse saying “I’m almost there love”. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 6

By "El Sayer" - 14/02/2020 20:11

Today is the first weekend since, and I get to see my son. Except my wife has moved to Texas. I'm in WA. I don't drive. I have a fear of flying.. Let's do this..

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 10

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The Top

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 626

You deserved it 4 999

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 388

You deserved it 2 603

Today, I was at Disneyland with a friend. We were watching the light show, and when Tinkerbell came out, we both started crying. Some guy noticed and called us "fucking pussies". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 579

You deserved it 45 767

Today, I realized my marriage makes me feel like I'm just passing time until death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 139

Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 701

You deserved it 5 031

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 239

You deserved it 69 732