Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 12:33

Today, after telling my sister many times she needed to cut the kittens' claws as they were too sharp, I woke up to a deep scratch right under my eye that now makes me look like an Action Man. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 19:04

Today, my sister wanted to play football in the garden with me. Thinking she hated football, we kicked the ball around to each other. Next thing I know, she nutmegs me, pulls my shorts down in the process, causing me to fall over, and then to make matters worse, her knee caught me in the nuts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 17:33

Today we learned that our first patient at the psychiatric hospital I work at has tested positive for COVID-19. We're all screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 21

By cacheson - 25/03/2020 04:36

Today, because of COVID-19, I’m working from home. I thought it would be nice to get to see more of my husband, but instead he is sleeping most of the hours I’m awake because he “doesn’t feel good” and staying up to play video games and talk with friends all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 19:24

Today, after a little too much wine, I elected to log into my ex boyfriend’s snapchat to do some snooping and laughing. Confirmation text for login sent to his phone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 295

By KelseNM - 24/03/2020 11:27

Today, after two years of testing and having experimental surgery, I was finally informed that I can wear glasses as my vision has stabilized. I was extremely excited and called my optometrist to set up an appointment. I got the voicemail informing me that they are closed due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 11

By Kingsley0817 - 24/03/2020 04:45

Today when I was running near the lake. My AirPods fell into the lake with my shaking.FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 72

By SadWitch - 23/03/2020 06:23

Today, my boyfriend left me. Said I was too draining but couldn't tell me what I was doing wrong. We were together for two years and he was my entire life. My entire life's goal was to be with him until the very end, so now I don't know what to do. I hardly even have any friends to talk about it with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 138

By "Igor Rakocevic" - 22/03/2020 09:42

Today, my dog needed to go for a walk. Well, we have a curfew at 11pm here, my dog only wants to go out past midnight and prior to that she won't do her business. While walking her past curfew, I was stopped by a cop in my neighborhood and was told to walk back. My dog peed on my new $800 couch, FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 29

By heartbroken - 22/03/2020 03:03

Today my husband’s ex came clean and admitted that he’s not the biological father of their two kids. Despite the fact that we’ve been involved in the kids lives for years she’s now seeking to terminate all visitation in favor of their “real dad”, a man who just got done serving 10yrs in prison. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 5

By "Kelly Chelan Hansen" - 21/03/2020 05:47

today my 5 year and the neighbor kid were taking turns putting their mouth on a recorder. covid-19 here we come. fml

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 55

By amy - 21/03/2020 05:05

Today, my four-year-old daughter informed me she wants to be a boy. Why? So she won’t have to have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 21/03/2020 02:46

Today after helping my mom run errands all day I had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing her and her boyfriend have loud sex. I am 33 and she lives with me.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 16

By clover1983 - 20/03/2020 14:18

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated. Again. Except now I can’t leave or anything cause I’m broke thanks to the restaurant industry going to shit. I’m trapped in the house with a liar and a cheat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 27

By s.k.y - 19/03/2020 23:35

Today, this corona shit has gone too far. if I spend one more day with my parents I'm going to kill myself! FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 99

By s.k.y - 19/03/2020 23:34

Today I found out the guy I really like thinks I'm creepy and annoying. Yet, we have never really had a full conversation before. How tf can he assume, I don't even follow him on instagram and every time I see him its no different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 44

By tpshortage - 19/03/2020 11:21

Today is day 3 of the stomach bug going around. I’m literally pooping myself and have absolutely no control. And there’s a toilet paper shortage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 10

By only a tickle - 17/03/2020 14:57

Today I went into gas station to buy a water. While in line I had a tickle in my throat and covered my face as I cleared it In that instance 3 people ran out almost trampling others trying to come in. As I was leaving one man started screaming at me that I just infected everyone I have allergies FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 7

By BurntPorkChops - 17/03/2020 01:32

Today, while sanitizing my hands with sanitize, I decided to sanitize my eye and nose areas too. I almost passed out from the alcohol fumes.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 16/03/2020 08:06

Today I told my boss I was ill and needed a few days off, he is convinced it’s coronavirus and insists I take the minimum two weeks quarantine. Most of my wage comes from tips, so I’ll barely make it two weeks without starving to death FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 27

By sydthekid - 16/03/2020 00:46

Today, I walked into the kitchen and told my mother I smelt something horrible. She informed me it was her cooking. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 25

By "carlee" - 15/03/2020 14:59

Today I had to inform my sister she needs to shower more often then once a week with the corona virus going around. she is 30 and we work on Beale Street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 12

By StillWaitingForACookie - 13/03/2020 05:03

Today, my body felt itchy, so I decided to take a shower, followed by applying hydrocortisone cream to my face and body. It’s been three hours, and my face is more itchier than before. In fact, it’s so itchy that every time I scratch my face, my cat would stare at me and scratch his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 16

By Bankssy - 12/03/2020 08:30

Today, I lost a bet with my sister, so I had to wear nothing at all besides a diaper and sit in a booster seat of her car, and out of all people my crush walks by and tries her hardest to not burst out laughing, I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 147

By "jam" - 10/03/2020 01:58

Today, after two weeks of training my cat to use a new litter box, I did not clean the old one to "force" him to use the new one based on my reading, he pooped the floor next to the old litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 47

By oneroustornado120 - 09/03/2020 22:47

Today, i found out i wont be able to see my girlfriend for another three months due to corona virus. the problem is she is afraid if they travel she will get it give it to her dad and he has lung problems. Since corona virus is repertory it would probably kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 18

By the_catherine - 09/03/2020 22:17

Today, a student came for a trial yoga class. He made me (teacher) and others feel very uneasy; I didn’t want to be judgmental, so I didn’t say anything. He then started stalking me, so I went to the police. Turns out he’s psychotic and thinks he’s in a relationship with me & that we have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 13:56

Today, while searching through the ruins of my burned down house (aussie fires), I found a completely unharmed porcelain angel. Thinking it was a sign of good luck I put it in my pocket to show my fam. 4 minutes later it fell out, backflipped out of my pocket and promptly decapitated itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 11

By "donb23" - 06/03/2020 12:03

Today my wife wanted to visit her brother. I explained to her that I am in the process of a 24 hour urine collection for kidney issues. She told me to bring the jug along with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 7

By "J Claire Sanchez" - 06/03/2020 10:41

Today, I found out that I was pregnant. The following day I was told that my grandfather had passed away. We were not able to tell him the good news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 16

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 210

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to take a nap. When I asked him why he wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, he said, "To make time go by faster." He's leaving in 9 days. We're going to be 3,000 miles apart. For a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 745

You deserved it 264

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 725

You deserved it 41 727

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 772

You deserved it 2 792

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 342

You deserved it 3 850

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 570

You deserved it 3 902