Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
iluvuxinfinityn1 0
HAHA. holy crap first comment.
GmanG 0
This can't be, because barcodes are magnetic... If you don't believe me - when you steal something and you go by the cashier, it (don't know how to call it) starts beeping...
sexyReDD 0
sorry to burst your bubble, but bar codes are not magnetic. some stores attach anti-theft stickers to packaging in inconspicuous places, making it harder for a thief to find/remove.
sporkl0rd 0
y
IzzyIzzyBang 0
I think you deserved that. What person gets a tattoo that is a bar code?
MaeeFlowers 0
Why is that a problem, who cares if the OP has a bar code tattoo, like a bajillion people do. Don't be such a bitch, a lot of people like those.
thecarlover09 4
u dumb shit, barcodes arnt magnetic
ferrettamer 6
I don't get how this is a fml...
facilitator 0
pure luck, it's like a one in a million chance that his tattoo would be in the stores inventory.
sk8rchick97 0
he's such a tool(:
Rothaga 9
Ha ha! Nice one!
shinshoku13 19
Dont be so judgemental some people like it, just cause you dont doesnt mean its true
TheTerenity 9
416 is cute c:
twiride 12
At least it's not the barcode of condoms or something.
madskittlesftw 5
Lets not hit on people.. But for the people who still don't get it, it implies he's a tool. If you still don't get it.. Well.. Then.. I don't.. I don't know.
arienh4 0
We can see that by the #1 can't we? Also, why is this FML? Where do you see a situation anyone would scan this?
toxic10uhc 0
they were bored.. dipshit
vollyball921 0
lmao thts funny fyl
Tigertnt 0
this should b on mlia
PurpleLlamas 0
349-they said why would anyone else scan it...dipshit
shotgunhr 0
oh yeah
aminel 0
he think its an FML coz hes a cheap claw hammer.. which is btw a cool wrestling name!
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
MeganH0LLYW00D 0
Bahahahahah! x)
Teeheez 0
I agree with #3 and #328. HAHAHAHA! LOL It's not a really bad FMl. But it is hilarious. TEEHEE
toshiro10div 0
nice, that ******* hilarious
fatman1970 25
Well said!
Hjade 4
*applause*
tounces7 27
Now whenever you go somewhere, you can shout out "It's HAMMER TIME" and start dancing.
sorainu 18
I laughed way harder than I should have lol
iluvuxinfinityn1 0
yup, i would assume you do have eyes number 2. good job.
amelinat 0
Oh wow, that the coolest thing about a barcode tattoo I have ever heard. Could be worse, you could be one of those natty little key rings, or a length of dowel, comparitively a hammer is kind of awesome.
WoGxFALLEN 0
Or some some Coca Cola
laxbrosive 4
or a *****
lillaurie89 2
Why would you get a barcode tattoo? Hahah #3
crazyrunnergirl 7
I was just thinking that!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
manda_baby_rawr 4
haha no doubt. ^_^ this actually made my day
Rodjmeister 0
I've always kind of wanted one of those. but I'd go and get a barcode from like...Burberry or Chanel though.
mkb_fml 0
At least you aren't a toilet.
b182link 0
lol that would suck
fundangle 0
bad tattoo