Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML
Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
Today, I went to the bank to open an account. It took hours for them to tell me that I needed my driver's license, passport, and residency paper. I returned with the documents. They then said that they couldn't help me. FML
Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worried he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I'd left the cash in the machine. FML
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I took my 4 year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed, "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex." FML
Today, I was working and a woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it. I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
hermitknut 22
Well, that took balls.
Norvi 26
OP, I think you deserve a medal. How long after he left could you keep the straight face?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (59)
hermitknut 22
Well, that took balls.
TheCanucklehead 22
Maybe he meant a minimum deposit and just felt like going pantless. Seems legit enough
omgitsmoe 26
Did he say sorry?
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Don't ever apologize for having your manhood(or womanly bits) hang freely. That's your right a human to walk around with pants, or no pants. No one can ever tell me to put on a pair of underwear nor can they tell me to leave their house! My little nutty friends deserve to be dragged across your couch, your kitchen table, and your pillow case! You will stare, I promise you that, but you will be staring into the eyes of freedom! Freedom I tell you!
muzy 23
Damn it, #30. How many more times must I tell you not to leave the cage when I'm out? Now, get back in it... and put some clothes on before you scare the children with your hairy backside!
Welshite 39
Maybe he was confused and thought you worked at a clothes bank.
Waredo_Dyrge 11
Or a sperm bank.
Norvi 26
OP, I think you deserve a medal. How long after he left could you keep the straight face?
The_FN_Gunny 13
I seriously agree lol I mean sometimes I think they do this to see if someone posts about them
icyhottt 11
Haha probably up until the point at which he turned around
perdix 29
What if his name is Dick?
UnluckyGenius 21
Name's Dick, Dick Elastic.
Sinistra_Blue 12
Its really kinda funny how the nickname for a penis is so...short.
DFresh503 8
Balls aren't a valid form of ID? That's strange... And would explain a lot...
SJParker 13
@45 police officer: "Sir, I'm going to need to see some sort of ID."
Grauncho 27
Maybe he wanted to make a deposit too.
Welshite 39
It would totally make sense if it was a sperm bank.
Grauncho 27
Maybe he didn't care what kind of bank it was.
Grayness_ 26
Well..... What happened afterwards!!!
chris4u2nv5 19
Maybe he thought clothing was optional!
scarface90 8
Plot Twist: he left the 2 pieces of ID in pants other than the one he forgot to wear
Olympiakos10 15
Plot Twist: Man U loses to Liverpool! I know I'm getting voted down for this but it was worth it :P
Mackay92 14
plot twist: Man City lost to Cardiff City and drew with Stoke City
ImAFaker 29
Plot twist: people are way off subject on the Internet Wait.... That's not a twist... Or a plot...
Olympiakos10 15
33 - Plot Twist: We have Pellegrini now
Reaper5639 16
Wow, alot of idiots have joined FML since I've been gone.
bummerbums 16
Don't know how I'd react to that. Good job on keeping a straight face.
olpally 32
This needs a follow up. Lol. What the ****??? I hope he was lost.